Thanks Veggie for the welcome back....I've been here quite a while but rarely post, just wanted to know that I wasn't the only one in a family where people don't get along so thanks for the replys and although some posts make me sad it's kind of comforting to know lots of families have the same kind of problems.  Is that bad?

I'm the youngest in my family so have always been very protected by my sister (even though it was ok for her to beat me up as a kid it was never ok for anyone else to lol) and she's going through a bit of a shit time so I said I'd take the reigns and try to arrange a family party but I'm being met with if XX isn;t allowed to go I'm not going and if YY is going I'm not going.  So I got pretty stressed and upset with all the fighting and wanted to call the whole thing off but after ringing big sis she's given me a pep talk and made me realise these people are bullys who want things their own way all the time and dig their heels in if they don't get their way.  Well they aren't getting their way this time and as soon as this party is over they won't even get an invite to any of my future family celebrations.

 It's always the way - you can't do right for doing wrong (in someone's eyes).  You might as well please those you want to please (and yourself) and let the rest of them sort themselves out ever after.

Reference: 
I wish you'd said this BEFORE I'd read your post.  Imagining toothless, brassy hooped ear-rings would have added a certain je ne sais quoi.
(It didn't come over all JK like, btw)

Blimey Ella...  


that sounds like when I was arranging my wedding (7 years ago)..     the demands and tantrums some family members were making..

we dumped them all... all the ones being difficult on their own table!    We did away with the traditional top table arrangement...    had round tables...   three of which were kinda the top table lot..  the left hand side one was for difficult family, the centre one was for us and our friends, the right hand side one was for my hubby's brothers, my kids & we dumped my mother in law on that one too (cos my father in law had a date with him on the other table).

and then we buggered off to the Maldives for a fortnight and left them all to get on with it!

Veggie, I can't tell you how much I/we tolerated and constantly tried to understand and forgive her behaviours, but enough, eventually, became enough. I distinctly remember a conversation after we'd been to Wimbledon one day when i told her that if she ever behaved like that again I didn't want her in my life....She cried and cried and cried, admitted what she'd done, (unusually,) and resolved to change....Didn't happen....BUT I will always love and care about her!

That's what my twin sis' would have absolutely always have said, (apart from her children,) until, after 29 years together, she found him with another woman!

Ella I feel that I've kinda highjacked your thread with 'my story'... Sorry ...I'd say...I'm inviting you all, if you don't want to come 'cos x or y is coming, so be it...

Don't be silly Super I asked what everyone's family was like and you posted.  I'm just freaking out coz I'm not used to all these arguments lol.  I say I should just get the invites posted and not bothering asking who's coming and who's not and then just get drunk at the party haha.

quote:

that sounds like when I was arranging my wedding (7 years ago)..     the demands and tantrums some family members were making.. 

we dumped them all... all the ones being difficult on their own table!    We did away with the traditional top table arrangement...    had round tables...   three of which were kinda the top table lot..  the left hand side one was for difficult family, the centre one was for us and our friends, the right hand side one was for my hubby's brothers, my kids & we dumped my mother in law on that one too (cos my father in law had a date with him on the other table).

and then we buggered off to the Maldives for a fortnight and left them all to get on with it! 

brilliant

Ella, just invite everyone and the petty, fussy beggars can suit themselves what they do

Well you've done the hard work by sending out all the invites to ALL the people.
It's not up to you to chase them up and nurture them along, Ella.

You go and enjoy YOURSELF with your sister.


It's funny but I can't see one post on here where there isn't a genuine and fair grieveance.
Funnily enough , I don't spend my life rowing with other members of the family - it never enters my head to keep an argument flaming.  Just for once, I said my bit after months of provocation - meant every word, and got on with it.

Ella, I'm sure if you and your sister make the most of the party then the rest will either join in or show themselves to be the troublemakers.  You can then choose who you think is worth the effort of keeping close to.  Hope it goes ok for you.

 I agree, if they don't want to be in the company of another they won't come, (hopefully)...which is good for a party....Believe me, I've been there Ella, trying to please everyone/be the peace maker....One of my friends who I was at uni with told me that she wouldn't come to my wedding if I invited her ex, so, (stupidly, with hindsight,)  I didn't....Guess what? I haven't seen or heard from her from that day to this, (1986!) but I'm still friends with him 25 years on!.......However, in my heart, I'll never truly forgive or forget that my aunt, who I'm v v close to, (nearly 84 now,) didn't come to said wedding 'cos she'd had a tif with my mum and so that meant my gran didn't come either 'cos she lived with her......silly, stupid family arguments GRRRRR

eek! We could write a book!

You have to look from an outside point of view, when the emotional aspect has subsided.
Talk it over as much as possible, and laughing helps loads...find your release. 

I always used to say.. .If its not one thing its ya Mother! 





 

 

Yes, we all get on quite well, it's all down to give and take and letting a lot of stuff go over your head though.

My mother and I have a very bad relationship though.  I just can't tolerate her at all   She annoys me at the best of times but at the moment my sis in law is 7 months pregnant and my mum keeps saying to me how exciting it will be to have another grandchild etc and goes on and on about it.  The other day she was asking my opinion on newborn nappies and stuff and she knows full well that I had a miscarriage in November and I'm like are you feckin serious?

ooops should have read the thread before posting

good luck with the party...hope you have a ball and the begrudgers fall in line

bloody hell temps...  

your mother!!!!

words fail me!

I get on really well with my mother, I can talk to her about anything, other than that I have a brother and sister. My brother is so funny and i love to bits. I dont talk to my sister. She is so selfish that a couple of years ago i decided my life would be a lot happier if i didn't have to deal with her so that was that, i cut ties and i feel i was right to, it was like a weight off my mind.

Hmmmm families. Since my mam died 9 years ago, the brother I couldn't sort of have a conversation with (was only one word answers) I seem to have become closer to and can now hold a convo with (allthough we still don't live in each other's pockets) but are there if needs be. My other brother (now lives in New Zealand) and was very close to him upset me the last phone call last year and haven't heard anything from him since. I dunno whether it's an age thing or what. They're 10 and 9 years older than me and I'm the youngest, that coupled with being the only girl, I struggle at times.