Thankfully yes  

Aww thats nice Velvet....glad someone has a nice family   I can't imagine anything worse than my kids growing up not liking each other and would love them to be closeknit so I'm glad to know it is possible lol.

I've hardened as I have got older.    My parents are always harping on about how its important for my brother & I to keep in touch & get along.... cos you can always depend on family, and one day they will be gone blah blah blah... 

but as I pointed out to my mother the other day...   my brother has never done jack shit for me... he'd be the last person who'd help me out in a crisis!    I do love him, but after years of being there for him when he needed it, only for him to then go off on his merry way and shit on the rest of us from a great height when his life was all hunky dory...  I no longer put up with the "but you have to cos he is family" crap.

I don't go out of my way to be unkind, but I don't inconvenience my family (hubby & kids) to fit in with his desires either.   Hence this year we had our own little christmas...  and didn't sacrifice it for the sake of him & my parents,

Ella...   my kids still adore each other!    They a boy of 13 & girl of nearly 18.   It has always amazed me that they get on so well..   my brother & I did nothing but fight from the word go, as kids, and later as adults.

I can't see my kids being like that though, my daughter is almost maternal about her brother.

We all fought when growing up and the sister I was closest to as a kid is now the one I'm least fond of although I still have a soft spot for her and would never like to see her in trouble.  Strangely the one who beat me up the most as a kid is the one I'm closest to now and she's great.  Funny how things change as we grow up and our eyes are opened more. 

My 2 kids fight non stop and are then hugging and saying they love each other the next minute so I've hope for them yet

Same here  

  

Hi Scotty

   

Ditty, you sound like my daughter and your mum sounds like me. My children don't get along for various reasons, but essentially they are poles apart in their outlook on life (I'll never understand, they were brought up exactly the same by me). I used to say that they will only have each other once their dad and I were gone, but, of course, both have their own family now. My son bombs off to whichever country we have soldiers in whereas my daughter is stuck in the village she was brought up because she is a single mum and has to wait at least another 3 years before she has any freedom. She is the softer one and, although she tends not to speak to him, she makes a point of contacting him before he has to go on a tour because she doesn't want to part on bad terms in case something happens to him. He doesn't think like that at all. I am perpetually in the middle, having no favourite and understanding both of them.

I'm an only child but Mr. C has 3 sisters. 
One always rocks the boat and up until recently, got away with it.  I couldn't give a stuff as it never affected me personally - or Mr. C directly.  But then she decided to give my husband his turn and with plenty of venom and spite.

One step too far. 
I let her have a few attempts and then she went over the line big time.
End of contact.  I refuse to have her in my home despite the fact that everyone else has made up "for the sake of"....whatever.  Any family get together - and we have many, she is not invited.

I can't be doing with adults p*$$ing about and attempting to make others lives miserable just because they've f'ed up yet again.  She knows she's gone too far and she also knows NOTHING she says can ever make things right.  She opened her smart mouth once too often and I decided to shut it for her permanently.

I haven't missed her.

My mum's one of 14 and she'll tell you that the only thing she has in common with half of them is the same bloodline.  You can love them all your life but it doesn't mean you have to like them (that's according to my mother).

Cosmopolitan.....when you have a family get together and she's not invited how do the other family members react?  Do you get anyone saying well I'm not coming if she's not invited?  And do you avoid gatherings she's at?  Sorry, just curious as to how it's dealt with.

yeah... my Mum says that too!  

& yeah...  I can relate to your daughters take on it....    very similar set up.

You know what .... I have similar situations, and my advice to you is: you do whatever you feel to wish to do ..... be that, "invite" or "not invite" .... you should do what you feel in your heart is right.

I felt out with my sister in 2003 .... we didnt speak for 3 yrs until my mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness, then we had to come together for my mums sake. We reconciled for 2 years & then she upset me again ..... re-offended you might say

I may, one day, contact her ... but I know it will be me to offer the olive branch, not her, even though she was the one at fault.

Exactly!!!   I absolutely agree.    I don't get what the pay off is to them...  making someone else miserable doesn't make you feel happier...   well it shouldn't make you feel happier.   I guess some people are just twisted like that.

I am very much the same as you like that Cosmo...    family or not family...   (with the exception of my father... who I still tolerate for the sake of my mother)...   if they cause trouble and make us unhappy then I cut them off.

I think I feel different from cosi and ditty because I lost my family when I was very young. I was adopted at 2, knew my mother all along, my adoptive father died when I was 8, both my mothers died when I was 22, I only found my natural father in 1997, two years before he died. I have lots of step siblings, but no contact apart from my one 'real' brother, whom I love with a passion (but then he's in Germany ). He's 18 months younger than me, but he feels the older one because he's been through the mill and I have been a softie living at home and then Convent. Still, although we are poles apart, we are like one person. We remember things when we were very, very young and it binds us.

They're all fine with it.  Mr. C refused to see her for a while but was sort of blackmailed by his father into staying in touch - she started texting, writing etc.  He replies but never starts a convo with her and is always brief.  He does it for appearances and to make his father think it's ok. 

As for the rest of the family, they accept it and understand; even my ma in law.  I'm doing one of those pathetic "it's the principle" kind of things.  She was soooooooo over the mark that even they can't argue my point....despite the 'victim' being back on vague speaking terms (Men, eh..!).

Another sister refuses to have anything to do with her either, so that helps I suppose - but their arguement is not my arguement.  You keeping up here?  

Any extended family gatherings are fewer and further between so we've yet to cross that hurdle. No weddings or funerals, as yet.  Oh, except my own (wedding that is).  I said she wasn't invited and thankfully at the time my husband had already beaten me to the answer - he wouldn't have her there either.
I shall be civil if ever we HAD to be in the same place, I'm sure of it.  But it won't bring us back on friendly speaking terms.  She knows this.  She knows I've got her sussed.

In our case it's because she's always been in the limelight and her little brother came along and stole some of her thunder.  Not that he had any desire to do so - it's sibling jealousy on her part;  he's very understated and unassuming about himself.

Don't have any siblings, thank bog!

My sister is my best friend ...............I love her unconditionally - as someone said - we shared a life growing up and have the same memories. I adore my mum, husband and children and it goes without saying my grandchildren are my life. We all get on.

My husbands family are very different - I gret on with most of them very well - haven't spoken to my FIL though for about twenty five years and never will again (I think my reasons are justified).

Families will drive you crazy if you let them unfortunately.
We had a bad time with certain members of the family last June and I saw red and now ignore them all - apart from my older brother and his son. I don't brood on not speaking or seeing them, we weren't that close anyway and once someone has crossed the line with me I am very, very unforgiving.
It's not nice but it's the way I am

Ella xxxx it's lovely to see you here again. You have been missed

I'm a bit like that. I don't think it's a terribly honourable trait - it's just how I am.

I know exactly what you mean Soozy. The thing is, one of the junior members of the family (ie the generation below mine)  crossed the line very publicly with my two sons, who were totally innocent. Then I started getting crap from other family members and saw red.
Don't mess with my kids and expect me to be ok with it even if you are members of my extended family is the way I see it

Veggie - I fell out with my SIl for years over the kids. I know people say you shouldn't fall out over kids but I'd bit my tongue for years before I blew. We're sort of all sorted now but it'll never be the same. 

I'm of the same mind as you ..........DON'T MESS WITH MY KIDS!

*high fives Soozy*

I love my sisters with all my heart and we never fight, we may bicker every now and then, we know what buttons to press to annoy each other but we also know each others limits.
I'm the oldest and my two younger sisters are so very different but so alike at the same time.
We have a huge family, massive and we mostly all get on except for my baby sister and my fathers baby brother, she hates him. Dad and baby bro had a falling out years ago, i can't even remember what it was about money or something, but they made their peace with each other before dad died. Baby sis ( must know more then she lets on) hasn't forgave him and I doubt she ever will. She's getting married the end of the year and baby uncle most definatley wont be there.

I really, really don't get on with my sister and so if I have to attend family events with her, which is fortunately not often, I will just ignore her rather than deal with it.  But if I were hosting a do she would not get an invite, I'm afraid.

Got 4 surviving siblings and we all get on great...or at least I thought we did until only *one* of them bothered to send me a 40th birthday card last week.  I am kind of pissed off with the 3 who didn't bother.  Bloody 40 and I got a flipping text off 3 of them.


My kid brother is a flipping diamond though, he's had a year from hell and he couldn't spoil me enough, bless him.

LLF, how would you feel if she got run over by a bus tomorrow and you have been holding petty dislikes? Would it all fade into oblivion or would you still hold on to the dislike you have now?

hate the effing lot of 'em apart from my ma who i havent seen for months cos ive got a sister who 'shields' her from me
got a step bro who i love to bits though

quote:

Ella...   my kids still adore each other!    They a boy of 13 & girl of nearly 18.   It has always amazed me that they get on so well..   my brother & I did nothing but fight from the word go, as kids, and later as adults.

I can't see my kids being like that though, my daughter is almost maternal about her brother.

That last line sounds like me and my brother I still adore him now and would do anything for him - we're 28 and 23

quote:

My mum's one of 14

my sis called the cops on me
jellus cos my ma loves me more
half bro is a pervert-paedophile

oh well
i got you lot
more family
than i was born to
got a foster bro-he's a brilliant lad

Private, shit happens.

Blimey, families huh? I've never 'proper' fallen out with anyone in my family but then maybe that's because none of them have done anything truly terrible towards me.....having said that, my fella thinks I'm waaaaay too forgiving and he would have fallen out with some of them a 100 times over for their selfish and unreasonable behaviours!!!......My 'foster' sister however is a different story: she was a friend of mine who my parents took in aged 14 when her mum threw her out and, despite nothing but kindness, she became consumed with jealousy because her 'parents' weren't her 'real' parents but they were our 'real parents' and she became obsessed with trying to 'take away' anything my sisters and I had, (by her own admission.)... Lots of 'minor' events.... the biggies started with her shagging my older sister's husband when she was 17, (yeah, I know, his fault too, but then he eventually became history!) That was closely followed with me, (eventually,) finding out, when we were 18, that my boyfriend who, v oddly, didn't turn up one night to pick me up for a date, so I concluded had 'binned me' did so 'cos she'd met him at the bottom of the drive and told him that I didn't want to see him anymore.....And so it continued.....My (now ex) husband for e.g. told me how she tried to get him into bed many times, including the evening before our wedding where she was chief bridesmaid!.....Christ I could write a book there are soooo many things she did!!!... I put up with it/forgave/understood/ made allowances until I was in my mid 30s, when I eventually decided enough was enough, but remained civil for the sake of my parents.....After they died, (and I can't even tell the story about how she behaved the day my mum died it's so, so terrible,) I cut her out of my life.....sad really, but there's only so much anyone can take

OMG, I've just read that ^^^^ sounds like a story on Jeremy Kyle....BUT, picture this, (not that it should matter of course!).... She's stunning looking, facially kinda Debbie Harry features, hour glass figure, v intelligent in terms of academic achievement, (several first degrees, 2 M.Scs, PHD,)  v v successful in her career and a v high earner.....but still an alcoholic fruitloop!

Supes xxx That's terrible. You did the right thing cutting her out imo. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and take comfort from the fact that you didn't descend to their level.
People like that are toxic and they will poison you if you let them. She is probably quite a sad person but that's not fault.

You can pick your friends, unfortunatly not your family

There is only ONE family member you choose to love, your spouse, the rest we are lumbered with good/bad or indifferent,.....

 I'm with the, (v wise,) Mama Cosi