I have personal experience of this......

Gosh people lead complicated lives....

I think it's wrong to give more to one child than the others........

Yes but it can become complicated. Our house and assets (aside from one shop) will be divided between or three kids. However - we will leave one shop (which my son runs) to him. He's worked in the business since before leaving school .................the other two went to uni - have jobs which have perks and pensions etc. I don't think they'llo be bad feeling TBH - who knows?

It's difficult I know Soozy......but I think perhaps things like this can be helped if , like they are saying on here,  the reasons are explained. Luckily, we don't have much of an estate to leave And I covered the problem of my kids and their stepdad by leaving an insurance policy exclusively for them , so that if I go first they have something  definite....  and then the house goes to them once we have both gone.....

My parents have said they will leave it all to my brother & me, an equal 50:50 split.

I actually don't think my brother deserves 50%, and I know he doesn't need 50%, however, its their money, and therefore its up to them what they do with it, and who they leave it to.    We're not "owed" anything.

I will be a bit gutted if when the time came, I still lived here and could move into their house, but was unable to because I was unable to buy my brother out.  But that is just me thinking about the sentimental attachment to their house, and hopefully, it will be that far in the future that I won't want to live there.

Well I thought tonight's couples were less selfish than last week's.....

Why do you feel you deserve more than your brother? You are both your parents children .................if they choose 50/50 - why do you dispute it?

Not being confrontational - just interested to know why you think you deserve more. Would you not leave your kids 50/50?

Our kids get 50/50..... including the credit card bills

Yes indeed! interesting re the medal. It's not always the money that cases rows.

Not that I'd know ...............no bugger has ever left me or my husband anything!"!!  When my Dad died (he had nothing) one of my sons - then aged 7 asked if he could have his grandad's slippers! He still has them - and treasures them.

I made a point of watching this tonight  as I missed it last week.


Very interesting programme - I also couldn't believe that the medal caused more ruction than the money - just shows you, eh?

I would never dispute it...   and I have never told them I feel this way.     I think this because my brother moved away at 20, for no other reason than to move away from parents...    when he does visit he causes all kinds of trouble, for no reason other than he thinks hes being clever/funny.    He did move back home for six months...  cos he sold his house, and wanted to buy a new one with cash... during that time he took the pish big time & though I may not get on with my dad...  my brother was way out of line... and I could go on & on & on..

Whereas I am the one that is here...   I am still a part of their family...  I am the one my Dad gets to make miserable when he wants a dog to kick , I am the one who goes & picks up the pieces when disaster strikes.

Also..  I am the one with two kids...   he doesn't have any.  And...  he has more cash than they have...   I am skint!

BUT...  as I said at the beginning of all this...     ^^^^ all that is irrelevant..   its not actually about what he is getting, or what I am not getting...      I will gratefully receive whatever they wish to leave me...    its not my money to demand.

My estranged father left his sis 66% and his two kids 33%.

Nuff said dad.

RE Soozy


My brother wanted my nana's walking stick when she died he was 25 at the time and he said it was because she always used to try and hit him with it  it still make's me smile when i think of her her sitting in her chair unable to move and my brother just sitting out of reach and winding her up and her trying with all her might to wallop him one, he got the stick in the end, she would be peeing herself laughing that he got it off her in the end

I suppose at the end of the day it is down to the deceased wishes - no matter how bizarre! You leave your money etc.to who you want to and that's your prerogative.No matter what though - inspite of their circumstances or devotion or standing in life it'll go three ways between my kids (one shop however will go to my eldest) - I wouldn't see his job and way of making a living ripped from under him.

I read these posts a few days ago and haven't read again until tonight: Mum and Dad transferred their house/estate to me when my mum was dying or cancer... then they wrote a 'wish list' of things/money etc. that they wanted to go to certain people and put absolute trust in me that i would do as they wished and would 'divvy it out' accordingly (even 'though' on paper I owned everything/ could have hotfooted it LOL!)
My aunt, (childless, successful business woman,) wrote a will with her husband which split their estate 3 ways between me and my 2 sisters .... he died first...she became a v v bitter old woman and changed the will.... I / we could have pampered her 'for the money'...but we are more principled than that......He'd 'turn in his grave' , (as my mum would say!) that she changed his wishes .... I /we could have had her /their money,.. but it became 'conditional'... F'it I'll not be held to emotional ransome..stick yer dosh up yer arse

Love that Aimee.

My mum doesn't have much to leave..... except her dog. I'll be gutted if I don't get the dog.

She loves me best!!! (the dog that is)

Yes...  I have been named custodian of my parents dog...  

I have suggested that the dog be given a third,   just to cover his upkeep n all that

 Ditty.....

Ref Ducky


I was smiling writing it Ducky  she used too sit in her chair like queen bee of the family  it was even funnier when my bro had his partner in crime in tow (our cousin) he would sit just out of reach the other side of her and both of them would be throwing insults at her and she would be throwing her stick round her head like a lasso trying to get one of them  oh i do miss her, such a great nana

Exactly.... Since my father passed things within what was my family have been damaged beyond repair,the guilty parties all have an agenda varying from greed to envy,it's soul destroying tbh and one of my brothers and I have simply walked away leaving them to get on with it....My lovely brother bought that house for my parents,over the years has funded  all sorts of work /improvements,one of the guilty parties resents the fact when my other parent passes the house will be my brothers,he also shares this resentment with my sister.They also resent the fact financially my brother has done extremely well for himself,given despite the current housing market the house is worth substantially more than when he bought it for my parents is another stumbling block for them....In order to be able to go through the rest of my life as my dad would want me too I had no choice other than with the exception of one brother cut the rest out of my life completely,the day I buried my dad I buried them with him.

When my nana died i even saw one of my uncles (who my nana didn't even like) taking the light bulbs and locks off door's  some people are just money grabbers, the rest of us are happy with our memories

Lee,I know that you're hurting really really badly....BUT I can't understand why these people's behaviour came as any real surprise????..FWIW I've been at enough family funerals to expect that there'll be major conflict...Separating bloody hotheaded relatives from a full on fight 'cos they're all at different stages of the grieving process......... My two sisters had the 'do' possibly to end all 'do's' when my dad died.......We're/they're still working it out many years on...but at least they are trying....with a few blips/ moments when it seems completely bloody impossible.....Thing is, and I know this sounds really harsh 'cos you are grieving so badly for your daddy, but when both of your parents are dead..... that's when you really know what's what!

Supes tbh I was aware of some of their distasteful traits but thought they had enough respect for my father to abide by his wishes,do him proud and do the right thing by him,instead what transpired was the complete opposite....Out of respect for my dad I won't go into details of what exactly happened but suffice to say it was an utter disgrace and to prevent going against everything my dad would want,fighting,my brother and I had to walk away....I have never involved my children in any differences I have had with anyone,especially family,my children visited my parents home a few times after my dad died and at Christmas,what they heard/saw has been enough for them to distance themselves now as well....How I deal with it is this,someday we'll all have to face my dad again,I intend to do so with a clear conscience,

Lee, I won't go into detail either BUT I know you did everything and some to look after him and care for him, as did I with both of my parents...if other's couldn't/wouldn't do that so be it

Supes in all honesty it has nothing to do with who did or didn't take care of my dad during his illness,it's things which unbeknown to me were going on behind my fathers back,things that went against everything my father was .Imo it never should have been about *Us*,it should have been about my dad whereas instead they used the whole situation for their own ends,but like you say so be it,I just won't play any part in it.

Lee thats so sad

Lee  you do what your conscience tells you in some cases damage can go beyond repair you will meet your maker with a clear conscience,greed is a terrible thing especially within the family when a parent passes it should have been  all about your dads wishes not theirs, yourself  and your brother can stand proud knowing you were not part of their greed

BTW Hello 

Marg my conscience and my principles tell me to do what I have done,the respect I have for my father takes precedence over everything and in order to uphold that I have to distance myself from them and  what they are doing....I miss my dad,I miss him terribly and I do worry a lot that my brother (who feels that same as me) isn't coping well at all especially with what the others have done.TBH he is very like my dad,his outlook,his mannerisms/traits  and how principled he is mirror my dad to a T.Him and I will get through it,as I told him last night at least being isolated from the antics of the others mean we can grieve for our father who we love very very much.

 I miss my dad,I miss him terribly 

Lee I know how close you were to your dad and how much you miss him  it
is good that you and your brother are so close and can help each other through this sad time in your lives ..take care

What shocks and amazes me is how some people (on that show and in real life,) seem to be merely concerned about what kind of payout they're going to get, and how gutted they will be if it's not as much as they expect/want, and they don't seem to seem as bothered about their parents eventually dying!  The money is clearly more important to them! 

And God help them if their parents (or the person leaving them the dosh) manage to lose everything and have to go bankrupt, because of bad luck in business or a marriage break up or whatever, and they have nothing to leave them!  How on EARTH will they cope?!

It's fine if you have something to leave your kids, but some seem to actually expect it as their right and demand to know exactly what they are getting.  Personally, I would be more upset about the fact I was losing my parents than wondering how mcuh I was going to get!  I do have certain family members who have gone in like vultures when someone has died though (as people on here have touched on with their sad and poignant stories..)

I remember this woman I knew one time some years ago (around 2001,) who had worked since she was 16, and she and her husband decided at age 55, to sell the house which was paid for (worth £175,000) and they wanted to put £50,000 away for themselves, and spend a few years on a cruise ship working part time (and they put a few 10s of 1000s away for that for extra financial support while they were away,)  and they were also going to put about £90,000 away for their daughter and son (£45,000 each,) who were 28 and recently married and 25 and single.  And the daughter went MENTAL because her parents had 'abandoned' her especially because they had 'deprived her and her brother of half of their inheritance' (as they were only getting a paltry £45,000 to £50,000 each!)  and she was enraged. 

It was as if her parents after 40 years of working and raising her and her brother and putting them both through uni, and still making sure they have £45,000 each had somehow let her down badly. 

I remember thinking 'what a spoilt bitch!' and it was awful because the woman and her husband decided not to go, because the daughter made them feel so bad.  And they just carried on with the lives they were so bored with.  I lost touch with her after I left that job in 2003, but if that had been a daughter of mine, I would have wondered where on earth I had gone wrong. 

when my mother had to go for an operation and then go into an old folks home, her family invaded the house. Several pictures they wanted; Dalton ware,  old radios,  Madonnas and child, which cost my mother £600. I was supposed to be the receiver of the will, but I decided to get rid of these people and let them have what they want.

Aww that's sad Cologne.  I am sorry.  And proof that you (like many on this forum) have little interest in possessions (unless they are severely sentimental) and more interest in human life.  Sounds like you're better off without people like that in your life (the ones you mentioned in your post...)