His mum needs to learn to blend her foundation into her hairline...

This ^  And this ^ again, once I've translated into Sarf Lundin too   

yep.. he needs to be back hanging around the bus shelter outside the chippie

I WANT A BLIDDY HAPPY SONG!!!!!!!!!

Awww... Sharon's crying.   Who nicked her stash?

Aw gawd all the wailing and amoaning!!!!!!!

I was happy in the haze of a drunken weekend hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Oh FFS.. stop acting you old crone.

I think the families love them.  I'm not sure - it's just a hunch

If Charismalas wins over Sam B i'll chop my balls off...Sam will win tonight.

Pure ham.

oh.... decisions.. decisions.....

Has the voting closed anyone?

I can't wait for the year that a sibling has hold of the mike and spouts venom on live TV...

Kaffers, try to remember it's a time for goodwill to all men.

With or without balls attached 

Got no idea, im flitting between several TV channels, watching more of the Darts on sky than the x factor lol.

That's the kind of festivity we need, Syd    

Really?  With so much at stake, I'd have thought you'd be paying attention! 

Some fat bloke beat a slightly less fat bloke in the darts, it's all kicking off there.    but im staying with X Factor for the business end of the night.

There's suspense and then there's loitering with boredom.

Get on with it!

I am beginning to think I don't have a musical ear!

I was rather hoping that Elt would just play the piano...

I tell you what.... Elt got his money's worth with that hair transplant thing, didn't he?  Fine head of hair he's got there now.

...and I was hoping Gary wouldn't 'sing'

Awww, Elton and Gary make a lovely couple.

Why?  Are you enjoying the show?

I'm beginning to think that temporary deafness is a blessed state.

Gary should get the name of the clinic Elt used.. he's getting a bit sparse at the back there..

Do you feel like clapping?

they might at least have had the meerkats ..

clapping my hands over my ears.

Only if I catch a fish

Luke was robbed...that is all I can say.

Only Spratts on offer tonight.