I was unable to post yesterday as I was at my parents house, my mum had taken a tumble. I didn't mention it much before because it was everyone's Christmas, but my father sucumbed to cancer on the twentieth and we had the surreal experience of a funeral two days before sitting down to a family Christmas dinner.

I'm also very sorry to hear your news Clumsycat and it's almost impossible for me to offer advice about your Dad because they're all different. However my Dad absolutely hated anyone to be sad, so we were all very positive around him. I was also impressed with his palliative care. The whole scenario was a journey into the unknown with seemingly no happy outcome, and yet I think all of us feel as though we did everything we could. He was never alone. I'm finding it hard to put this into words but please treasure your every moment together.

 

I`m sorry to hear that, it must have been terrible for you  

I know its awful to have sick relatives at any time but at christmas it hits home more 

 

I know its is very hard to put things into words as well x

sending love and hugs to everyone in this thread 

Joe, I`m very sorry to hear about the loss of your father. 

Clumsy, Xochi is right, the time to heal is later. Lee lost her dad last year and made the most of the time she had if I remember rightly. Afterwards, she went through a very bad time of grieving. TBF, that is what anyone needs to do. It's normal. I think what's needed are lots of cuddles and kisses, the odd toddy, mayby read the paper to him and have a laugh about all those tabloids idiots.

Joe, I'm sorry, but can't say anything else.

It's hard to read about all the losses we've had as a group. I guess this stuff goes on year in and year out, but seeing it all together like this....

 

My best wishes to everyone who lost a loved one in the recent past, and to Clumsy, who is facing the same thing. 

Thanks for your good wishes. :hugs: However I posted in an attempt to offer a few thoughts to Clumsycat. I feel as though I may have hijacked her thread.

You haven't. You and clumsy

 

 

Hugs for you today Clumsy

 

Joe, how sad for you and your family and now your Mum having had a fall too  Hope she is recovering well. My father died on 26th Dec 76 so Christmas ever since has had that feeling of sadness underneath the happiness and excitement of the kids etc,

Thinking of you at your very sad time

I'm so sorry Clumsy and wish you comfort. Your head must be all over the place at the moment. It literally makes your heart ache doesn't it.

 

Can't really say much more other than echoing others: treasure the time that you have. My Mum was taken from me suddenly, I thought I had more time and if I had known, I might have told her things instead of putting a brave face on for her sake.

 

Hugs to all those who have suffered or are suffering pain of loss or caring for sick loved ones. x

Difficult to put into words but my thoughts go out to anyone suffering from the pain of losing a loved one

Oh Clumsy - I'm so very sorry  I went through a similar situation with my Dad who had Pancreatic Cancer.  We had less than 6 weeks from diagnosis to his passing.  I think I started grieving straight away, it's so hard and I'm so sorry, please come here and talk when you want xxx

joe, you have not hijacked anything 

 

all your kind words are lovely for me though bring a tear to my eyes,but i`m very emotional currently. I know it gets a bit more bearable with time and while i am with him I try to be strong but then, afterwards it leaves me upset.

 

It is astounding how many of you have gone through a similar situation and my heart goes out to you all. You have all been fantastic and i am deeply touched 

Clumsy i know it's two different evils but when my mom died 2 yrs ago she was on life support (sedated) for two weeks by the time we realized she was going go, You have my deepest sympathy as it's a tough thing to go through  but  you do still have time to tell him you really care.

 

My advice at this time is, never feel bad for being upset, it's normal and to hide it is sometimes harder than having a little quiet cry when and where you need to. My biggest thing is hug him/hold his hand loads and just chat to him, try recounting all the funny/happy memories and inside jokes only he gets together, maybe flick through some old photos with him, there maybe some tears but hopefully they will be happy ones as a result of happy memories.

 

It's a terrible thing to go through and tbh i cant work out if knowing in advance is better or not.

 

You will be in my thoughts Clumsycat please keep us updated

 

Joe! We all need support at sometime or another no matter the date people care xx Really hope you are ok.

Thanks! My main grief took place when the doctor took me to a private room and told me the results of the scansAfter that we decided that we had to make dad as comfortable and as happy as we could. He always said that I should concentrate on looking after mum if he went first. Mum ended up with a broken cheek, lacerated nose, and swollen and black eyes. She looks a mess but She'll still come out with us for Sunday lunch. Life goes on.

Clumsycat 

 

Such sad news and nothing anyone says will take away what you feel inside. You shouldn't let it either. A year and a half ago I lost my dad suddenly and I felt everything from sad to heartbroken to bitter to angry to the point where I got violent. What you feel is natural. Your dad is still alive though so don't start grieving just yet. Remember he's still around, he can still see what's going on around him. Make the time he has left special. Spend some time just you and him. I don't mean to sound harsh but he's probably more scared than any of you especially knowing you're all upset and sad. Make him feel safe, loved and remind him he'll NEVER be forgotten. 

GJ  

 

You did what you could. I'm sure your dad was grateful for that. A terrible time of year to lose someone 

 

Im so sorry to hear this clumsycat xx Hope your dad surprises them all and has lots of time left xxx

 

Also my condolences to you garage jo. Im sorry for your loss, It sounds like your dad had a lot of love around him. xx

Clumsy I've just read your thread and I truly feel for you. 

I can offer no more advice than already given, just love him loads in the time you have with him.

And Garage Joe, my sympathies are with you and your family

You will both be in my thoughts and prayers.

my dad came home from the hospital today but he is just sleeping, the change in the last 2 days is horrific, he is just so tired & on painkillers. 

walking around with a brick in my stomach, told him i love him but i am just so so sad

Clumsy, my heart goes out to you, it's such a sad situation. You are doing the important stuff for him - telling him you love him and being there for him.

Joe, I'm really sorry to hear of the loss of your dad, my condolences to you and your family.

 

Don't know what to say what hasn't already been said but ...............God Bless - I've been there - I know bhow you're feeling and my heart goes out to you.

 

Take care!

Clumsycat,  it`s difficult to find the words but I do know what you`re going through. My heart goes out to and your Dad. 

 

 

 

Do you know how long he has got?  

was told weeks at the very best, but i dont think its that long....... 

Clumsycat

 

We are always here if you need to vent, cry or even if you need cheering up. You must be exhausted

To Clumsy, Joe, and all the other peeps in this thread who have lost beloved parents and partners,lots of loving thoughts to all of you.

I've just read back and didn't realise Xochi and Joe had lost parents recently too.  Sympathies to you also 

I echo the above;  my sympathies to all who've lost loved ones.

 

Clumsy

Sorry to hear how tired your Dad is, Clumsy. I found with my Mum that the painkillers really knocked her out and she was unconscious for the last 3 days of her life.

All you can do is be there for him. Thinking of you

My sympathy to all have lost loved ones or who are having to face the prospect.As I stated before  my late dad died in front of me,it was totally unexpected he was a bit off colour and the doc said he had a chest infection,sending him for an X ray ,alas he had a fatal heart attack a few days later.That was nearly 26 years ago.Still bright in my memory.

Joe, just read your post, I'm really sorry to hear about your Father.  Life is very surreal for those days after, nothing seems real.  A massive virtual hug from me. 

Reiterating Veggies posts and thoughts.  Look after yourself. 

I wish I would listen to my own advice.........Love each other before the regrets set in....

Syd you've sprang a tear to my eye.  So right, lifes too short. 

I know Cinds, trouble is we take it for granted.....tomorrow I am going to put it right........

I know I rarely post on here anymore but I just wanted to add my condolences Clumsy. It's not something I have personal experience of so I can only imagine what you must be feeling. Treasure the time you have now and try not to dwell on the future too much. Best wishes to you and your family.

My lovely, kind good hearted dad died yesterday morning, just over 2 days after getting out of hospital. I am beyond devaststed.

 

keep breaking down, I miss him so much