Thats exactly it. I think oh will just get this out of the way, just get that out the way. He pisses me off Friday/Saturday/Sunday and then I think oh work tomorrow, just get on with work and by the time I am making my tea Monday what happened on Friday seems pointless to bring up but its important. He treats me really bad some weekends and its gone by Tuesday at the latest cos I can't be arsed or he won't admit what happened or blames me for it.

Say he causes a huge fight Friday, then goes out for the rest of the weekend, by the time Monday comes around I am knackered and just want peace in the house again. Its not healthy at all and have been waiting for some major shake up to force me out but I will be waiting till I am old and grey.

quote:

Originally posted by Lindsxdx:
Thats exactly it. I think oh will just get this out of the way, just get that out the way. He pisses me off Friday/Saturday/Sunday and then I think oh work tomorrow, just get on with work and by the time I am making my tea Monday what happened on Friday seems pointless to bring up but its important. He treats me really bad some weekends and its gone by Tuesday at the latest cos I can't be arsed or he won't admit what happened or blames me for it.

Say he causes a huge fight Friday, then goes out for the rest of the weekend, by the time Monday comes around I am knackered and just want peace in the house again. Its not healthy at all and have been waiting for some major shake up to force me out but I will be waiting till I am old and grey.

yip she is proof it CAN be done and a few months later...after a bit of pain (but life is about getting through stuff)
things CAN get better, and she feels so PROUD of herself now,

Just be thankful kids aren't involved. My mum stayed in a seriously abusive marriage for 15 years, she kept staying for us kids, but I can promise you that neither of us wanted them to stay in a relationship like that.
Once a relationship has gone bad it starts to become a poison and the longer you let it fester the more damage it'll do to your self esteem. You really are worth more than this and you are young enough for this not to do any serious damage to your life, but you have to get out now.

quote:

Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:
Just be thankful kids aren't involved. My mum stayed in a seriously abusive marriage for 15 years, she kept staying for us kids, but I can promise you that neither of us wanted them to stay in a relationship like that.
Once a relationship has gone bad it starts to become a poison and the longer you let it fester the more damage it'll do to your self esteem. You really are worth more than this and you are young enough for this not to do any serious damage to your life, but you have to get out now.

that was Pepsi,s problem ya see, she had 2 kids ta think of, had to TRY to protect them from it, they dont know half of what she went through,
but her kids are both adults now...19/21
and they still see their father, but...anyway
thats for Pepsi to speak about, n not me

ANYWAY..........night peeps

Thats another thing, I want kids but who would bring kids up in this kind of environment. At the moment I can shut him out or when it gets bad go to my Mums/friends, what I am gonna do, take my kids with me, how stupid is that for a thought, who would think of having kids in this situation, through a rational choice.

I want babies with this man because I want babies and I am living with this man, I definately don't want my babies going through this.

Gnite OHG, give Pepsi an extra squeeze from me

quote:

Originally posted by old hippy guy:

quote:

Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:
Just be thankful kids aren't involved. My mum stayed in a seriously abusive marriage for 15 years, she kept staying for us kids, but I can promise you that neither of us wanted them to stay in a relationship like that.
Once a relationship has gone bad it starts to become a poison and the longer you let it fester the more damage it'll do to your self esteem. You really are worth more than this and you are young enough for this not to do any serious damage to your life, but you have to get out now.

that was Pepsi,s problem ya see, she had 2 kids ta think of, had to TRY to protect them from it, they dont know half of what she went through,
but her kids are both adults now...19/21
and they still see their father, but...anyway
thats for Pepsi to speak about, n not me

I saw my mum beaten up, saw him going off to screw around with her mates, saw the huge rows with him laughing at her for being upset. Don't get me wrong, she was no angel, I also saw her goading him and having affairs to get back at him, but you can't imagine how relieved I was when she finally plucked up the courage to leave him. I doubt she would have had the strength to do that without a good guy waiting in the wings to help her through it though. At least she's happy now and I came out of it knowing that no man would ever treat me that way. Fortunately I only ever seem to attract good guys anyway so I've been lucky, but I hate to see women throwing their lives away on total bastards when there are so many decent men in the world.
Anyway, I'm off to bed now but for Linds & Pepsi & an extra for you for being one of the good guys.


PS Linds, if you need to talk, rant or anything feel free to PM me, I'm a good listener and I'm usually around until late.

Righto, bed time for me too. Poured my heart out on the forum after swearing I wouldn't do it again. Work tomorrow with a bad head, something to look forward to, woo hoo! Thanks lovely FMs.

Why do girls love bad boys?
I've no idea, because I don't even like them. Give me a soft-hearted sweetie any time.

quote:

Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:
I agree. If you're going to make the change, you need to do it in a deliberate and rational way. If you wait for there to be some big emotional crescendo you'll never really break away because there will always be the emotional factor there to fall back on and blame. I feel so bad for you hun, but I really do think you need to do something before you wake up and find you're life's passed you by.

nail on the head.

quote:

Originally posted by Lindsxdx:
Thats exactly it. I think oh will just get this out of the way, just get that out the way. He pisses me off Friday/Saturday/Sunday and then I think oh work tomorrow, just get on with work and by the time I am making my tea Monday what happened on Friday seems pointless to bring up but its important. He treats me really bad some weekends and its gone by Tuesday at the latest cos I can't be arsed or he won't admit what happened or blames me for it.

Say he causes a huge fight Friday, then goes out for the rest of the weekend, by the time Monday comes around I am knackered and just want peace in the house again. Its not healthy at all and have been waiting for some major shake up to force me out but I will be waiting till I am old and grey.

so really and truely ur life is a spin off of his...

u go work (probably boring 9-5 where ur brain is not ticking/being used. then u come on on friday and INSTEAD og goin out wid ya girls, or him taking u out u make his din dins... then ova the weekend u fight/argue... probably ova little things but coz they've been bottled up for so long, it all comes out in a rage... then come monday ur back to work, functioning but not feeling. a cycle that is really unhealthy.

god girl u really need to find urself. take time out and plan where u want to get to and how... and ull realise that staying with this dude is stopping that 'career/house/life changing' move.

im also guessin uve lost ur friends through this dude too... o u have anyone to talk to?? x

quote:

Originally posted by Lindsxdx:
Righto, bed time for me too. Poured my heart out on the forum after swearing I wouldn't do it again. Work tomorrow with a bad head, something to look forward to, woo hoo! Thanks lovely FMs.

the more u talk the more help and guidance u receive. its all good girl x

quote:

Originally posted by Lindsxdx:
Aaaaarghhh!!!

Tupps sometimes you ability to speak the truth makes me shrink but again your words will be ringing in my ears as the week progreses. I guess Einstein knows what he was talking about but its this bit that sticks out to me

"Or you can stay.. maybe waste another 10 years on a man whose emotional immaturity sounds progressive.. wake up and realise life has passed you by.. no fairytale wedding, no kids, not even a secure loving partner. "

Its going nowhere. I am going nowhere and its time I stopped bleating and started acting on it. I am waiting for him to wake up and say god your right, lets buy a house, lets have some kids, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!!

Time to stop having an easy life and get on with tough bit.

It's said with love babes.. tough love maybe, but love..

What you described is crazy making. An emotional rollercoaster. Thing is, you can say 'ok, enough, I'm off this ride' at anytime you wish.. it takes some major courage and a whole heap of self esteem, but it is possible.

Think of it this way. While he has you on his hook.. making promises he hasn't kept or probably never will, letting you eat the crumbs from his table, giving you just enough to keep you and then taking it back, testing your boundaries and stomping all over them whenever etc.. out there is probably a guy who will treat you right, give you the love and respect you deserve, be glad every day you are in his life.. meanwhile he has no chance of coming in to be and do all those things because Mr Emotionally Stunted has you on his crazy-go-round. Of course what you describe is really going to mess with your perceptions of love and yourself.. but let me tell you missus.. you deserve and can do much much better.

But it is hard. You love him... He probably loves you in his f00ked up way. But that's not the way you want and it doesn't sound healthy. Love isn't supposed to hurt.. it can be bliddy difficult, but it is not meant to cause you heartache and pain. Girl, nothing changes if nothing changes.. he isn't going to change is he (?) and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make him change (on that path lies madness).. but you can change yourself and you can change the situation.

I'm going to get all wiggy on you now.. but you need to get that heart of yours out of his 'Come here, go away' shadows and standing in the sun. Said it before and I'm going to say it again.. YOU deserve more than he is offering you.

That was my sensible and slightly philosophical post for the day..

the answer to the original question is easy

we're usually better looking
have more money
supply more fun
and
have a better car

what more do you bloody want

Thanks to you all. I do have good friends but its been ten years, they have said all they can say so whereas I used to go around and let off steam most of the time nowadays I tend to chill out at home and try and get my head round things alone and then just see my friends when I can say yeah, everythings fine. I know they would be there for me when I need them, they are probably all just waiting for me to realise it myself.

My life is a spin off of his, its always around what he wants to do, we can't go on holiday because his hobby takes up all his money. We can't move into a house because he thinks he won't have enough money to do what he wants to do, we can't have kids because he doesn't want them. Most of the time I do all these things alone, go on holiday with my mates, saving for a house alone but I want someone to do it with.

I guess I am learning as I go, everytime I get to this point I get a bit angrier and a bit stronger. Thanks again x

quote:

Originally posted by Scrumtum:

quote:

Originally posted by pretty~cocoa~eyes:
I think good boys can be shy, I like a confident person to step up to me and talk not play stupid mind games...

my friends tried to tell me that once and im a loud azz outspoken person. and they were like 'he's just shy'.

absolute trash. man was runnin game (a good one i might add) and thought i was his next jumpoff.

oh HELL NO!!!!!!!!

remember the quiet ones r tha worst!!!!!! same as them church people on sunday all praying n preachin, when the previous night they was all buckwild in the club doin the dutty wine with their dress up @ their waist....*smh*

dont trust em!!!!!!

Girl you know dem churchies are the worst bliddy hypocrites they are, you see them on saturday nite messing and they come on sunday and preach? Oh hell no.... I dont trust the church these days Nice boys can be bad too but they dont gat game...

Some just end up that way

No mans been bad wid me. If dem getz bad, me getz worser dan dey possiblee imagunz.

quote:

Originally posted by Blizzie:
No mans been bad wid me. If dem getz bad, me getz worser dan dey possiblee imagunz.