Where is Kris's Cock..?

Topics

lucifer

We all saw the footage of this elongated piece of piss prancing around the garden without his cock. People don't seem too perturbed by the fact, but I personally am concerned for it's welfare and possible whereabouts.

One lunatic I spoke to earlier, asked if I wanted vinegar with my chips. After summarily beating the shit out of him, and consuming flavorless fries, I went to the pub and got drunk.

Despite this effort, I'm no closer to ascertaining the whereabouts of his willy. A source from the Royal College of Dickology admitted to me this morning, that it could well have grown inwards, and ultimately consumed him...thereby making him the biggest COCK in Britain.

I fainted when he elaborated upon the possible location of his pubic hair, but for reasons of decency and decorum, I'll spare you the grisly details.

It saddens me to burden you all with this news; but on the flipside I'm a total bastard and the last assertion was an out and out lie.

Be strong I implore you all. We now know why it's only his 'ego' the poor chap has been stroking all this time.

Yours Bereftly

Rice Flu

Replies sorted oldest to newest

MrMincePieMember

She has one?

7/7/096:28 AM

langsterMember

I thought it was dangling from his forehead, but as it is so small it's hidden behind his curls.

7/7/096:29 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

It's not Charlie then?

7/7/096:30 AM

tuppsMember

he wanker'd it off...

7/7/096:30 AM

jacksonbMember

last seen being pecked at by a sparrow..

7/7/096:31 AM

monkey13Member

quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
he wanker'd it off...

PMSL!

7/7/096:32 AM

prettycocoaeyesMember 10 years

It does look like he is severely lacking in that department

7/7/096:33 AM

shakesMember

I dunno about that, but my mate shiver reckons lisa looks like a scrotum in a vest.

7/7/096:33 AM

chinaMember

quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
he wanker'd it off...

i saw the thread title and knew id find you and blizzie here

7/7/096:33 AM

Former Member

Had my sister on the phone with our daily BB digest and an observation was made about Kris in the tight suit and the absence of a willy

7/7/096:34 AM

tuppsMember

quote:
Originally posted by china:
quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
he wanker'd it off...

i saw the thread title and knew id find you and blizzie here

I don't know what you mean..

7/7/096:35 AM

Ron RonsonMember

I chopped it off with a garden folk

7/7/096:37 AM

Kris Is BlissMember

it's probably a grower.

7/7/096:37 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

quote:
Originally posted by Kris Is Bliss:
it's probably a growler.

7/7/096:38 AM

tuppsMember

quote:
Originally posted by Blizzie:
quote:
Originally posted by Kris Is Bliss:
it's probably a growler.

7/7/096:39 AM

prettycocoaeyesMember 10 years

quote:
Originally posted by Kris Is Bliss:
it's probably a grower.

I give you A* for effort

Your a one-man army...

7/7/096:39 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
quote:
Originally posted by china:
quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
he wanker'd it off...

i saw the thread title and knew id find you and blizzie here

I don't know what you mean..

Yeah, I mean you, I can understand, but me?

7/7/096:39 AM

luciferMember

Context is a strange thing. I never thought of myself as outstanding in that department; but Big Brother has done wonders for my self esteem this week.

King Kong has competition at last

7/7/096:40 AM

ShiverMember

Mangina

7/7/096:40 AM

tuppsMember

quote:
Originally posted by Blizzie:
quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
quote:
Originally posted by china:
quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
he wanker'd it off...

i saw the thread title and knew id find you and blizzie here

I don't know what you mean..

Yeah, I mean you, I can understand, but me?

don't be coming here with your jokes..

7/7/096:41 AM

shakesMember

quote:
Originally posted by Ron Ronson:
I chopped it off with a garden folk

you chopped his cock off with alan tichmarsh

7/7/096:41 AM

prettycocoaeyesMember 10 years

quote:
Originally posted by Shiver:
Mangina

Come and clean my laptop screen I just spat some water out...

7/7/096:42 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
don't be coming here with your jokes..

7/7/096:42 AM

ShiverMember

quote:
Originally posted by pretty~cocoa~eyes:
quote:
Originally posted by Shiver:
Mangina
Come and clean my laptop screen I just spat some water out...

*cleans*

Sorry luv

7/7/096:43 AM

prettycocoaeyesMember 10 years

quote:
Originally posted by lucifer:
Context is a strange thing. I never thought of myself as outstanding in that department; but Big Brother has done wonders for my self esteem this week.

King Kong has competition at last

I thought Kingkong had a big one

7/7/096:43 AM

Sexy_KellyMember

Play a game of spot the willy
Click on the video

7/7/096:43 AM

tuppsMember

quote:
Originally posted by Blizzie:
quote:
Originally posted by tupps:
don't be coming here with your jokes..

this is a serious fred....

don't cry.. *wipes Blizzie's snout*

7/7/096:43 AM

Ron RonsonMember

quote:
Originally posted by Betty Swallox:
quote:
Originally posted by Ron Ronson:
I chopped it off with a garden folk

you chopped his cock off with alan tichmarsh

i was gunna use a percy thrower

7/7/096:45 AM

langsterMember

Hung like a stick-insect. When he gets a boner the little curls on his forehead straighten out (a little)

7/7/096:47 AM

shakesMember

quote:
Originally posted by Ron Ronson:
quote:
Originally posted by Betty Swallox:
quote:
Originally posted by Ron Ronson:
I chopped it off with a garden folk

you chopped his cock off with alan tichmarsh

i was gunna use a percy thrower

use a charlie dimmock then you're getting there.

7/7/096:47 AM

AntichristMember

He's a little willy WANKER !

7/7/097:00 AM

luciferMember

I've always mused about willy size. Men always seem to know their 'ultimate' size in inches, and I'm utterly at a loss to know how they measure it.

Don't get me wrong..I was spewed forth into this void as a bloke, and possess one of those dangly bits. But when it 'lives up to expectations' I just have no eye for detail.

What do you do..?? Buy one of those rulers you used in Maths as a kid and hold it alongside..?

I played with the idea of a tape measure, but the recoil on those things is simply too hazardous to seriously contemplate. I'd sooner use a bread knife alongside it for reasons of cowardice; but then I dunno how long a flippin' breadknife is

Kind women say size doesn't matter. Explains why I always buy cutlery for girlfriends

7/7/097:01 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

quote:
Originally posted by lucifer:
Kind women say size doesn't matter. Explains why I always buy cutlery for girlfriends

Aww, we like a nice fork.

7/7/097:03 AM

jacksonbMember

quote:
Originally posted by lucifer:
I've always mused about willy size. Men always seem to know their 'ultimate' size in inches, and I'm utterly at a loss to know how they measure it.

Don't get me wrong..I was spewed forth into this void as a bloke, and possess one of those dangly bits. But when it 'lives up to expectations' I just have no eye for detail.

What do you do..?? Buy one of those rulers you used in Maths as a kid and hold it alongside..?

I played with the idea of a tape measure, but the recoil on those things is simply too hazardous to seriously contemplate. I'd sooner use a bread knife alongside it for reasons of cowardice; but then I dunno how long a flippin' breadknife is

Kind women say size doesn't matter. Explains why I always buy cutlery for girlfriends

no, no, no, no, you drag your scrotum down as far as you can measure from the underside with the measuring stick jammed into your groin as far as it will go, do people know nothing!

tsk!

7/7/097:03 AM

shakesMember

quote:
What do you do..?? Buy one of those rulers you used in Maths as a kid and hold it alongside..?

I use a compass then measure the compass against the ruler, it's more accurate, and every little helps.

7/7/097:04 AM

shakesMember

quote:
Originally posted by JacksonB:
quote:
Originally posted by lucifer:
I've always mused about willy size. Men always seem to know their 'ultimate' size in inches, and I'm utterly at a loss to know how they measure it.

Don't get me wrong..I was spewed forth into this void as a bloke, and possess one of those dangly bits. But when it 'lives up to expectations' I just have no eye for detail.

What do you do..?? Buy one of those rulers you used in Maths as a kid and hold it alongside..?

I played with the idea of a tape measure, but the recoil on those things is simply too hazardous to seriously contemplate. I'd sooner use a bread knife alongside it for reasons of cowardice; but then I dunno how long a flippin' breadknife is

Kind women say size doesn't matter. Explains why I always buy cutlery for girlfriends

no, no, no, no, you drag your scrotum down as far as you can measure from the underside with the measuring stick jammed into your groin as far as it will go, do people know nothing!

tsk!

if you can reach that is.

7/7/097:05 AM

ShiverMember

quote:
Originally posted by JacksonB:
quote:
Originally posted by lucifer:
I've always mused about willy size. Men always seem to know their 'ultimate' size in inches, and I'm utterly at a loss to know how they measure it.

Don't get me wrong..I was spewed forth into this void as a bloke, and possess one of those dangly bits. But when it 'lives up to expectations' I just have no eye for detail.

What do you do..?? Buy one of those rulers you used in Maths as a kid and hold it alongside..?

I played with the idea of a tape measure, but the recoil on those things is simply too hazardous to seriously contemplate. I'd sooner use a bread knife alongside it for reasons of cowardice; but then I dunno how long a flippin' breadknife is

Kind women say size doesn't matter. Explains why I always buy cutlery for girlfriends

no, no, no, no, you drag your scrotum down as far as you can measure from the underside with the measuring stick jammed into your groin as far as it will go, do people know nothing!

tsk!

ouchouchouch

7/7/097:05 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

I thought they started at Boffin's Bridge, then straight on, until you come to a dead end.

7/7/097:06 AM

langsterMember

OH FGS!!!!!

We have been here before lol! penis size is irrellevant, but the fact I have a 6 inch tongue and can breath through my ears does wonders for my reputation

7/7/097:06 AM

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