It has to be a plate of "Racht" washed down with a tankard of 'Blood Wine'

 

 

 

 

explain!

are you a vampire?

We went out for a meal a couple of years ago and had the cheese board - most of the cheese was lovely but there was one that stunk to high heaven ...............and it really wasn't pleasant. Mr Woo said it tasted like poo - quite how he knows what poo tastes like I don't know - it was pretty disgusting though.

 

http://www.paxtonandwhitfield....isis-individual.html

 

Another time at different restaurant I had the deep fried camembert as a starter - it was revolting as it tasted as if it had been fried in oil that was months old and had had everything bar the kitchen sink fried in it.

Asked for a bag of chips and the guy sneezed into them when he was wrapping them he then handed them to me as thou nothing was wrong .I walked out !

I used to love Oatmeal bread - Hovis did a lovely one.   One day I was eating a tuna sandwich (half way through it) and I thought 'what's that on my sandwich... it looks green, but this bread is fresh'   I pulled the bread apart and there was mould inside the loaf.. not on the crusts, but if you pulled the bread apart actualy inside the slice -  it must've been packed warm or something     I've never bought an oatmeal loaf - or any Hovis products - since.   Still turns my stomach thinking about it

I've told you before about going to Woo's chippie!   

Yeah but usually we charge extra for that.

In Turkey we went on an all day boat trip with food included.  The main was chicken escalope with salad and cheese.  My partner wouldn't even eat the food because he hates food being cooked outside with flies (you can imagine him at a BBQ!) but I decided I was going to eat it.  The chicken wasn't cooked through and when I ate the top slice of cheese and lifted the next to eat that there was a dead fly on it   It wasn't the first dead fly in the food we came across on our visit to Turkey. 

 

 

I'd have come back from that holiday three stone lighter.... 

 

They are Klingon food-stuff.

 

I thought someone may Google them

Kaffs I'd hold up the whole queue at the buffet in the hotel because I'd be rummaging around the dishes trying not to disturb the top layer of food but getting my serving from the middle of the pile so I knew there was less chance of flies having been near it.  The staff didn't seem bothered at all when flies were around but I suppose they are used to it.  My OH nearly starved to death that fortnight!

I prefer Vulcan cuisine

Oh and I've found a pube in a tray of rice from the chinese here.  I rang them up and they offered me a replacement tray of rice if I came and collected it and brought the other tray back.  Not even an offer to come collect it themselves.

or your money back and never eat there again .

That's what I wanted but nope, they didn't care enough and were only offering a replacement.  The place closed down after a while of many other similar stories going around.

I once bought an apple slice from a small shop near where I worked at the time. Got it back to work and took a bite....only to find there was green mould on one side of it. I marched straight back to the shop and showed them. The assistant said do you want another one or a refund. Guess what I asked for....

Live Long and Prosper Erin

Have you ever drank your own wee wee??

 

Me neither - phew!!

 

Not mine.

You're lucky with grub eh?

 

My sis and her family were enjoying a nice Mandarin chicken from their local takeaway when they realised the black specks were ants.     TBF the guy came straight up and gave them their money back and told them they'd found a box of mushrooms that was full of ants - he was mortified.   It was the best Chinese in town too - probably still is, but couldn't go back there now.

Elaborate!

I know someone who used their own urine on their face ,she had gorgeous skin .

Me too !

 

It was 1974, I was seconded to an elite 'black ops' unit and parachuted into the jungles of Bolivia. We traveled light, weapons and water were the bare essentials. We were engaged in 56 hour seek and destroy mission.

 

As we made our way through the jungle it became clear the enormity of our task. Intelligence had underestimated the target by a factor of 10. We encountered hostiles at every turn, battles raged, we fought hard.

 

The only respite being at night when we could hunker down in a considered strategic position, taking turns to guard.

 

The heavy fighting took it's toll on our meager supplies, they began to run low.

 

 

The rest as they say can be left to the imagination.

 

 

Many years ago my Mum insisted that we ate at the top of the Post Office tower. The revolving restaurant was famed and of course there were wonderful views. Mother insisted that we ate Scampi. I didn't 't know what that was but trusted her. Reader! The next morning, if I can put it so as not to offend, I shat my ring off.

In my young day, a Belgian boyfriend cooked up a Belgian casserole thingy, with spicy continental sausage and chunks of undercooked onion swimming round in it. The burning indigestion started before I'd even finished eating it. 

Worst of all I had to dig in and pretend it wasn't horrible, not to hurt him.

 

 

Oh.My.God.

They should be closed down!

Anything that I have ever been presented with that had a hair in, on or near it. 

with full on snorts. Not at your unfortunate predicament, but the brilliant wording of it.

^ that

I will never eat scampi again

I once cooked a lovely chilli con carne.. Except I had accidentally cooked the paper from the tray of mince in with it too. We threw up for 2 days

Another time I tried to seperate frozen sausages with a blunt dinner knife, and ended up with 4 stitches in my thumb

Also, I once forgot what order to serve spag Bol and presented mr summer with a plate of what we now refer to as "spaghetti turnover"

Last year I put a plate of chilli on the sofa (because I didn't want to mark the coffee table) while I went to get a drink, and distracted by some quality action on Wimbledon I SAT on my dinner! I stained my favourite pj's and burned my bum

Ewwwwwwwwwwww - I've got Chilli cooking at the moment. I hope I've not done the same.

Findus Crispy Pancakes!

 

I had bought some Chicken & Bacon ones - zapped them up in the oven and sat down to enjoy - one mouthful and I nearly threw up!

I honestly thought I must have got a rouge box that were off or mouldy!

Turned out they were curried beef or something like that.

 

They were probably not off, but when you are expecting Chicken & Bacon the taste was so far removed as to be quite revolting.

I used to be so ignorant about food. While I was courtin' Mrs Jer I fell in with her more sophisticated friends who insisted that we visit a local restaurant, the Andalucia. Rather than choosing our own meals they had ordered a communal paella. It was a rice dish full of all sorts of rubbish. (See also the PO tower)
Subsequently I always order a separate meal of safe food.
I suspect that I have constructed a rod for my own back and that some regard me as anti-social however in a fit of schadenfreude I secretly am amused at others misfortunes.
One remembers friends ordering the salmon and dill fish cakes and other dangerous stuff at Whitby restaurants and listening to their "toilet sounds" back in the cottage! Hopefully they couldn't hear my suppressed laughter.

OT a little but  . . . I once sat on our dog

Well he was the same colour as our sofa