*tut*  I was just coming in here to say Google is your friend.  And he is Curtis something I think or maybe something Curtis?

I was on a boat

Looking out at the water - i saw it was full of meat

I thought, "That looks choppy"

 NEXT!

well serves you right for trying to help me.....erm...... 

Be generous ya miserable . . . .

Arfaah.  You're way too posh

Aye you have to say it just the way Cosmo said!

And I laughed at Rentons joke

Don't hide ELLS - be proud LOL

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.

It said they regret to inform me they're not actually a dating agency 

Pity though, eh?

A letter dropped through my door and onto the floor the other day

Its still there

Well it did say "Do not bend"

Again...

Really...I am easily amused.

NO NO NO NO NO!!! You're all meant to be gurfawing at my joke!!! Not Renton's useless jokes!!!! 

Awww bittterness Rawky

Will give you grey hair and wrinkles

tell me about it 

I did tho! 

An old man called the Pensioners HelpLine

"Can we help you? " said the operator

"I've been incontinent" sed the old man

"Where are you ringing from?" sed the operator

"From the waist down" sed the old man

I only know that his first name is Curtis, from watching one of those 24/7 boxing preview shows. He's good mates with Floyd Mayweather and mentioned his name ( in a slightly camp manner) while scooting around on one of those upright scooter things!

(ps. The Arfur dollar joke was a good one )

Grecian 2000 and some of that fancy fangly serum should sort it.

Four for a Tenner.

RUDE old joke i have told before on here

So don't get yer tits out about it Rawky, ok

Bin man knocks on Chinese restuarant door

"Where's ya bin mate?"

"I been to the loo" sed the China Man

"No - i mean where's ya dust bin?" asked the bin man

"I just bin to the toilet" sed the China man

"No, no i want to know  - where's ya wheelie bin?"

"Ok, ok", sed the China Man,

"I weely bin having a wank"