I love to hear folk with just a lilt on the scottish accent. Or a posh scottish accent. 

I love the Glasgow accent Ev 

"Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

 Lang may ya lum reek.

Yur jaiket's oan a shoogly peg

Pretty sure some feminine hygiene products will sort that.

Don't thank me

Dinnae teach yer Granny tae suck eggs!

I'm so hungry I could eat the leg off a low flying duck 

 LOL

Pengyyyyy!!!  

Where ya been .  

I'm so hungry i could eat the Northend out of a southbound Skunk 

Ev     My niece and her fiancé are staying with me so I don't get to come on here much till they've gone which is Friday    I snook on tonight cos they're at a concert 

Aww you had them a while since the trial. 

So its not roll on Friday yet then? lol

nah I lubs having them here and I did get my living room plastered free of charge so I can't grumble   Her finance doesn't want to go home so they might be back in the near future 

I just can't access the internet as much as I normally do and it's killing me - I've got withdrawal symptoms 

I have missed your Nanights....it is like not being tucked in of a night!!

Pardon me, Madam, I fear I may have just stepped on a frog. 

I shall say it now cos they're on their way back - nanight everyone 

Yay, cool.

Its great to have a few day away and not have it on at all, i love it.

Doing the same on Saturday when im off on my hols

QUACKK

The atmospheric pressure of your Dutch Oven is going down. 

Couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo.

Cruisin' for a brusin'

Are you looking at me or chewing a brick?

(i never quite understood that)

At school if we wore white socks the boys used to say 'Are you bragging or complaining?'

 as dry as a popcorn fart.

"about as much use as a mermaid in a chorus line"

It's colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra

rougher than a badgers arse.

An eye like a deid haddy..

Some really funny ones here! 

Could Shite through the eye of a needle.

Its like peeing in the  wind

Deader than a dodo

Eyes like sheeps f******

A mouth like the bottom of a budgies cage.

A mouth like the tyne.

Stinking more than a sumo wrestlers crotch/belt

If its not one thing its your mother. 

Eyes like pee holes in snow

 I was trying to think of that one before lol

Laughing your head off.

In stitches.

Sweating like a glass blowers ass on Sunday. 

As dry as Ghandi's flip flops. lol

Are they your own teeth or are you breaking them in for a horse ...nay lass 

The way she walks, you'd think she was chewing a camel. 

I'm trimming me hedges and tidying me garden. 

The correct quote is:  Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?  Cos either way you'll lose your teeth.