Death has become a tough subject to talk about in our society, Aimee. I have some experience of this - I've been working as a bereavement counsellor for two years now.

The way I feel about it is that we shouldn't hide death away and make it something shameful or fearful. Yes, there are questions which are hard to answer and many that we don't even know the answers to. This shouldn't stop us from talking about it though. I've seen the harm that's done when people aren't "allowed" to talk about death and grief, and anything which helps alleviate that should be welcomed.

Death is a part of life and as such should be treated as something that does happen. It is when we mask it in secrecy that people get scared of it.,

My nephew went to his grandads when he was 8 last year. Didn't do him any harm.

I really don't think you can generalise. Depends on the maturity and the relationship to the deceased. My kids were only 7, 8 and 10 when my Dad died. They all wanted to be there .......they loved their Grandad. I allowed them to go and good friends were at the back of the church with them in case it was too much. I think it helped with 'closure'.

It's hard to say Aimee.  I know we wondered when my mammy died should we let my niece go to the funeral as she was only 8 years old.  We did in the end and although she cried a lot especially at the internment at the grave, she was fine after.

I personally went to funerals at a very young age in Ireland and I feel personally it helped me cope with death and the rights and rituals that go along with it.  I do sometimes feel that in this country that as Peter said, people are afraid of it and I don't understand why.

It's good that she's asking questions as it will get her to accept this boys death.  She's almost certainly struggling to understand why him    just be there for her and try and support her as best you can. 

I don't think there is an age where they are too young...I think its best for them to learn early that while death is awful its a fact of life...( I didn't word that very well but I hope you get the gist)

But then again we never kept death as a secret in our house, He grew up visiting nana ro's grave and is a mental farmer so sees animals born and dying all the time. not that all his animals die they don't but he knows the turkeys won't be around after the 25th.

Yep, I agree with all that.

I agree with Peter^^^   that is people are not "allowed" to attend a funeral it is likely that it will only story up 'trouble' for a later time.
Of course when one shelters someone from the ordeal of a funeral, it is sometimes the case that one is protecting oneself.

He farms mentals or he is a mental?

I went to my gran's when I was 12. I saw her body, kissed her on the forehead and broke down in uncontrollable tears when I saw her coffin descending to the crematorium.
I'm not sure what the right answer is.

I didn't like to ask... I'm glad you did,

He has cows and is related to me, need you ask any more.

Oh gosh..depends on the adults involved.My mother died,nearly 14 years ago.My sisters kids would be...err...9..7..and 3. at the time. They went to the mass ,but not the cremation...I didn't even go to that.Kids are more accepting of death than us so called adults..My  other niece who I've helped raise.lost her mum at Two and sadly her dad, my brother three years ago.She was an orphan at 19.Very hard on her.

then I will mooooooo ve on

oh thats soo bad its not even good

I see *pats beamers on the head*

Cow pats?  Oooh I'm chilly, think I need me coat

Are you accusing me of milking the situation?

All I'd say is, depends on how close they were to the person concerned.

sorry i had to nip off, thanks for all your replies it's gave me something to think about (hugs)

Mine might be a controversial view, but I would say at about age 5 - death is a part of life.  My father died when I was nearly 3 and I dont remember it.  I think memories good or bad are memories.  If I was old enough to remember I would have liked to have been there when my daddy was laid in the ground - at least I would HAVE BEEN THERE and not treated like he meant nothing to me   Its a very difficult and emotive subject, but children adapt and shouldnt be shut out of such things - because such things happen in life

I agree Barmy  but no occasion has arisen before for my daughter to go to one and since she was born she has been taken by my mum to her great grandmothers grave and she has always had nightmares about it, so i was just worried about how my daughter would feel afterwards

I see what you are saying Aimee, I can understand that maybe your daughter wasnt involved/around when her g/grandmother had her funeral/burial/cremation or whatever.  It has GOT to be difficult for a small child to understand that someone they once loved is 'under that bit of grass' or their ashes have been 'spread here' or something.  Its a very difficult thing to do - but children are not stupid and I think the confusion etc arises when they are excluded from things - such as a funeral or burial/cremation.  At some point or other children have to be told that 'so and so' has died and they will never see them again - it doesnt help (IMO), if they arent included in the 'death' process and are therefore scared of death (if that makes any sense??)

I suppose its different where ever you go, at my brothers funeral and many others I've seen toddlers being carried in to see the body and pay respects, I would'nt do this personally as I never let mine see him though they were there but mr stonks picked mini up to leave and mini saw my brother by accident, for a long time after he would cry and drag at his dad if he saw him asleep so it did disturb him but 15 is well old enough in my opinion....

You have to tell kids the truth - but that' s not a maxim that only applies in death, it applies to everything. Sugar-coating it or telling outright lies will only cause confusion and resentment.
But only you will know if the child concerned is ready for the whole spectacle of body, coffin, funeral.

Whooo I agree with everything you type tonight.

Please slag off Fox Classic Crunch biccies or say Dave Grohl is minging or summat

Ummm, I slurp madly over both of those...

FLOOZY!

Yeh? And?  

Tart

*licks a breakaway*

MMmmm. tarts...

When my FIL passed, my children were 14 and 10, I gave them a choice, I asked if they wanted to go.  My son who is the eldest came and my daughter didn't come to the funeral, but came to the wake afterwards. I think it is personal choice and depends on the relationship involved. It is good that she is asking questions though, as its as though she is processing the information through her system and vocalising it, not bottling it all up