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comedians who could get a laugh without being nasty/sweary/crass

My hair follicles.

well i knew you'd pop up without a sensible answer

My Chopper.

I no longer own it. 

Not ever ending a sentence with the word like.

i once lived with a post op transexual

we were driving through bournville

she was on about kids toys and said 'oooh the last time i was in this area, i had a chopper'

i nearly crashed the car through laughing

yeah i know what you mean innit

when I was 9, I often went to the swimming pool (with a 9 year old friend) we had to take a bus journey (30 mins) we were safe and no one thought it wrong. I don't let my 15 year old go to town unaccompanied and without a phone!

and that

Nothing like the sound of silence in the air on a Sunday afternoon in town...

Job done GJ.

Ah, I did not read any of the posts, just quickly dropped mine in.

Spitting on my mascara brush, and coating my lashes

Nooooooooooooooo

i couldnt watch little britain without pissing myself laughing when emily came on

oddly enough me & post op transexual are no longer on speaking terms

Talking to actual humans on the phone and not a machine thingummyjig.

Oh yes, I did it daintily of course

phoning the bank-an indian man answers and says 'hello my name is eric how can i help you today?'

you think

no your name isnt eric

then he goes on

you cant understand cos he talks very bad english

its BLOODY annoying!

At least it was your own spit. I remember as kids, our Aunty Lily spitting on her hanky and trying to wipe our faces  

Thank goodness for wet wipes!

I'm finding it more and more difficult to find shops that stock knickers that are elasticated at the knees

 Bloomers!

I know, I've searched and searched the Poundshops for knicker elastic to make me own, but had no success

I only have one decent pair now. They're a sort of 'Germolene Pink' in colour.  The waist comes up just below my bosom and they finish just above the knee in a little frilly bit below the elastic.    They are magnificent

I think I had a pair like that once, they went slightly grey in the wash, so I tie dyed them, now they were magnificent  

Right is this a piss take

Goggled them

Vintage Directoire Knickers/Cotton Bloomers PINK W/WX. Our Price: £9.99

ebay

 Are you goggling bloomers  .....What is the world coming to

Well you both want to buy them ,so consider it my gift to you .

Are they just for bedtime?

As a forma ballet dancers I miss the fact I can no longer plie, let alone perform and arabesque 

 Course not, they are for best, now bedtime attire, that is a different story

My Granny used to do that and spit on her fingers and run it through my curls to get them to sit right  If you've ever seen Jurassic Park 3 where the skeleton comes down out of the tree on top of the wife?.... well the dance she does is what i was like 

My teacher friend had ballet dancers perform a small  routine in the schoo ,there was one wee girl asked "what that thing  sticking out the man's pants "?, before my friend could answer a wee boy replied "That's were the wummin puts her feet"

Those are splendid, erin.  Hopefully they will also feature a re-inforced gusset.

Ha, ha!  The things kids say, eh