quote:

Originally posted by BeerBelle:

quote:

Originally posted by Gel:

quote:

Originally posted by BeerBelle:

quote:

Originally posted by Artymags:

I gather history isn't your strong point, BeerBelle!

yes, you got me there. i gave up history at school when i was 13. Miss Mead was

such a boring teacher! So i looked the date up on t'internet and ad-libbed the rest

your ad-libbing was bootiful belle

thankyou. i knew it wasn't really guy wot did it, and i knew it was to do with catholicism, but i thought for the sake of explaining to those across the atlantic, that it would suffice to do the noddy version. i looked up the date because they do seem to like a bit of historical fact! trust artymags to pick me up on the detail!!

artymags is like that isn't she I just loved her 'anti- catholic' at the end

quote:

Originally posted by Gel:
artymags is like that isn't she I just loved her 'anti- catholic' at the end

yup. to be honest tho i am still not sure if we are celebrating the plot being halted, or if we are celebrating what a good idea blowing the H Of P up would be!?!

quote:

Originally posted by BeerBelle:

quote:

Originally posted by Gel:
artymags is like that isn't she I just loved her 'anti- catholic' at the end

yup. to be honest tho i am still not sure if we are celebrating the plot being halted, or if we are celebrating what a good idea blowing the H Of P up would be!?!

hahahahaha

I think it's sort of 'take ya pick' these days

quote:

Originally posted by The Singing Ringing Tree:
fishy shortbread and some apples for the humans

yummy apples. what a sheer delight!

quote:

Originally posted by BeerBelle:

quote:

Originally posted by The Singing Ringing Tree:
fishy shortbread and some apples for the humans

yummy apples. what a sheer delight!

You wouldn't be saying that, had you tasted my apple crumble last night

Did somebody mention apple crumble?

I just LOVE apple crumble.

Mind you I love rhubarb crumble even more.
Rhubarb crumble and custard - it's the food of the gods.

quote:

Originally posted by Artymags:
Did somebody mention apple crumble?

I just LOVE apple crumble.

Mind you I love rhubarb crumble even more.
Rhubarb crumble and custard - it's the food of the gods.

we had rhubarb crumble the evening before, with custard

now would you believe that I don't have a sweet tooth at all I prefer savoury

it just gets me at certain times!

Hiii Lcat mrtom and bagabones
I just came in to read the latest diaries I will pop in tomorrow again

quote:

Originally posted by grannyg:
Hiii Lcat mrtom and bagabones
I just came in to read the latest diaries I will pop in tomorrow again

hello grannyg - nice to see you.

when i told bagabones about leroy being swallowed by the telling fone he had quite a bit to tell me about the one in his house too:-

quote:

Originally posted by Bagabones:
Wow! That is a very scary story. I went for a close look at the telling fone once to see if it wanted to play.
It wouldn’t even open its eyes. (I couldn’t even find them) so I weed on it in disgust and walked away.
What a close escape I had.
It could have swallowed me!
I know it must annoy my yuman at times because she ties a wire to the wall and sticks the other end up its bum.
Serves it right.

quote:

Originally posted by Bagabones:
My yuman has another new name for her telling fone.
Sometimes she calls it Mum and sometimes she calls it Dad.
She often calls it Mum at the end of a day and she tells it all about what she has been doing and how nice I am.
Sometimes she calls it names I can’t pronounce and gets really angry with it and throws it across the room.
She has another name for it now, though.
She calls it Gorgeous.
When she calls it Gorgeous she laughs and giggles and normally drinks at least one bottle of wine before she gets too tired to talk to it anymore.
It must make her very thirsty. I don’t know why she calls it Gorgeous.
I’d call it useless.
It’s no fur or legs and doesn’t pay any attention to her.

04.12.08

quote:

Originally posted by Big Tom Cat:
The world has gone all white and cold!!!

And our front room has grown a tree with sparkly bits and coloured balls on it...its so wrong
I had a wee behind it....

quote:

Originally posted by The Little Cat:
That's funny!
The world was all cold and white here this morning too - and Aunty Pet has put a tree with sparkly bits and coloured balls on it in our living room as well.

(I didn't wee behind it though - I don't think that weeing on carpets is what is done by an astrocatrick cat of suffocated tastes like myself)

aunty pet says she has put the tree inside the house because a visitor is coming. he's called Chris Muss I think. she says he only comes once every year so i suppose she's got to make an effort.

but chris muss can't be coming to your house as well can he, mr tom?
why have you got a sparkly tree as well then?

06.12.08

quote:

Originally posted by Big Tom Cat:

I think my yuman has lost his female.
She hasn't been around for ages and tonight my yuman was calling his telling fone by her name..
...its a shame he is sooo upset he thinks the telling fone is her!

I have spent the evening doing guy things with him...mostly spread out on the settee letting him rub my tummy.
Its for his good not mine...

Shame if he has lost her, she was nice and calmed me down when the gay forks came around.

LC...I have examined something called a Advert Colander closely and appratently Chris Muss is a guy who sneaks into your house once a year!

I think he might be in league with that Red Dot you had problems with ages ago. I will be patrolling the house all December.

My yuman told me that he doesn't want Chris Muss to come this year because he has lost his female...

December 6th 2008.

i shall never understand these yuman beans, mr tom.

why doesn't your yuman bean want this chris muss guy to come to your house if his female isn't there?

does he want to show his female to chris muss or does he want her to make chris muss one of those cups of T they're so fond of - or cook him some food?
can't your yuman make cups of T himself?

besides, i know for a fact that chris muss is visiting aunty pet's as well - you can tell by the sparkly tree - so he won't be able to stay long at your place.
he can't be in two places at once can he?

aunty pet will make him a cup of T and she will cook him some food i know.
i heard her say she was going to cook carob bee yan chicken for chris muss.
(although, i once had a little taste of her carob bee yan chicken and it made my mouth burn - i had to rush for my water bowl.

chris muss is really going to need a cup of T after that.

anyway, if your yuman bean really needs a female for chris muss, can't he just go out and get himself a new one? there's hundreds and hundreds around.

i think there's more yuman females than us cats.
and they all look about the same.
it's not as if they're all indie vid jewels like us cats are, after all.

i bet there's no yuman female as suffocated and astrocatterick as me, is there, mr tom?

*simper*

December 7th 2008.

quote:

Originally posted by Bagabones:
I still have this very personal problem which is now totally out of control.
I just have to tell someone as I need advice but it’s very embarrassing.
I’ll tell you Little Cat because, as well as being aristocattrick and suffocated you also seem very wise and simply thettick ...... but be careful who you tell about it.
I’ve noticed more and more that when I have a wee my back leg seems to lift up all on its own. I can’t control it.
My yuman saw it happen the first time and went straight in and told her telling fone.
First she called it “mum” and told it what I’d done then she opened a bottle of wine and called her telling fone “gorgeous” and told it all over again.
The bald midget didn’t seem the slightest bit interested.
It’s not fair the way it ignores her.

What do you suggest for my problem?

when machel and mrs a.mags and mrs belle read that they all told bagabones that he wasn't a strange sort of cat - like we had all thought - but was, in fact, a d.o.g.
*shudder*
i was very worried and so was mr tom and sukey cat because we were all frightened of d.o.g.s.

they chase cats and frighten them.

bagabones was surprised about being a dog too - and worried in case we wouldn't still be friends with him ......

quote:

Originally posted by Bagabones:
What? A dog? Me? How was I supposed to know? All I ever wanted was to be gay and make lots of friends. I’m not fierce and horrible. I only chased the rabbit because I wanted to play with it. Since I lost my mum my best friend is my yuman but everyone here has been so kind. Machel made me a blanket full of love, I’ve had biscuits, caviar and cake. I don’t have to leave do I if I really am a dog? I like it here, my yuman is great but it’s not the same as having nice petty friends. My yuman has just given me a cake and a big hug but it hasn’t stopped me crying. I feel nearly as sad as when I couldn’t find my mum.

Everyone told Bagabones that he would be really welcome to stay as long as he didn't chase cats.
that cheered him up.
mr. tom and i decided that bagabones could be an honorary cat.

quote:

Machel you are fantastic! I feel so relieved, and thanks to Arty Mags for putting a good word in for me. I hadn’t heard that dogs chase cats. I don’t want to, I just want to play and go on the tiles when the weather gets better. Thank you LC and Big Tom for allowing me to be an honorary cat. Wow!

Now I know why my yuman says we can go for walks together. I hadn’t heard of anyone here going for a walk with their yuman.
Now I know that the world isn’t shrinking and I don’t have a personal problem I can’t keep my tail still.
And now my yuman is telling her telling fone that I’m happy again. She’s calling the bald midget “gorgeous” and has opened a bottle of wine.
Woof! Xxx

Lots of people called in to say happy chris muss, my friend marguerita was one.....

21.12.08
hello marguerita
i don't know what i shall be doing this chris muss but i think i shall enjoy it a lot more than i did last year though.

last year i was all on my own on this forum and nobody came to see me and i nearly starved.

that's what made me decide to try to find a yuman bean of my own.

it took my a long time didn't it?

there was a man who was a ler jick and that lady with all those children who lived in skwolla.

and then i met leroy but his dad said i couldn't stay in their flat because the lord of the land wouldn't let me.

finally i got my lovely aunty pet. and i shall have a nice chris muss with her and i think leroy is going to come and stay for a while too, so we shall have some fun.

of course i shall sneak out and go carol singing on the tiles with mr tom.

i think it will be a lovely chris muss this year.

will you still get in to talk to me a bit too, marguerita?

on chris muss eve mr. tom and i went out on the tiles to do what he said was "carol singing". i don't know if carol liked it or not 'cos i never saw her - but mr tom was magnificent.... as usual.

quote:

24.12.08.
what a really bootiful voice you have mr tom.

and talking of bootiful - have you seen my turkey that marg brought me?
i put it under my name.
you can share it with me if you like mr tom.

i'm a bit worried about this satan claws you mentioned.
i've never heard of him.

i thought it was just this person called chris muss who was coming at first, and then someone said the father of chris muss was coming as well - now there's this scary thing with claws.

there's going to be a lot of visitors tomorrow it seems.
i shall hide my turkey!

can i stay with you tonight please mr tom - in case that satan claws comes into MY house?
I need someone big and strong and brave like you to protect me.

i'm a bit of a scaredy-cat about claws.

I needn't have worried so much about satan claws because something much much worse happened at chris muss - the FORUM PRUNE !
my diary suddenly disappeared and my forum home too - even my fridge.
all my chris muss presents that people had given me disappeared too - even the special one from mr tom.
it was just terrible.
suddenly i was out in the cold with no home - and at chris muss too....

all my good friends got together and begged the mods to give me back my lovely home and not turn a little cat out in the cold at chris muss......

On December 27th the mods gave in and said

"All right, all right already! You'll have us crying next! Now here's the deal - the cat stays, but everything else has to be on topic....."

So i got back into my home.
my fridge was reconnected and everyone rallied round and re-stocked it. (the mods had emptied it over chris muss! )
people searched around for my pressies and i got most of them back.
some were a bit the worse for wear for being out in the rain but i was so glad to be back i didn't mind too much.

my home was now in a different place so i was a bit worried whether all my friends would find me.
But they did of course.
mr tom was the first to get there.
i was SO relieved to see him.

of course you can guess who got a bit lost and was the last to turn up...... yes - bagabones.

but he got there in the end.

quote:

Originally posted by Bagabones:
Hey! I’ve found you all! Where did you get to?
I woke up a while ago and when I wanted to tell you all my news I was told we were going to get pruned.
It sounded very scary so I hid under the bed. When I came out after a while you were all gone!

I don’t know why you all get upset about the vet. You should be verrry scared of the prunes from now on, they made you all disappear.
At least we come back from the vet.

Is everyone back or did the prunes keep anyone? What did the prunes do to you whilst you were away?
I hope you are settling in to your new home little cat although it seems like you have made yourself quite at home there.

I had so many things to tell you all so I was very sad when I thought you had all been pruned.
I really missed you, when I couldn't get into the bed room I lay on your blanket and had a really good sniff and worried about all of you.
I also thought perhaps chris muss may have put you in his sack.
I heard he puts little cats and puppies in his sack and gives them to bad yumans. They then leave them out in the cold as soon as chris muss has eaten all their pies and port and gone.
I felt really lonely again. However, my next HUGE surprise eased the loneliness a bit.

Whilst you were all away being pruned my gorgeous yuman got herself a new telling fone to talk to.
It is a very clever one, much better than her previous bald midget who never moved or said anything (even when I nipped it when she wasn’t looking).
This one stands on a table next to the sofa and when my yuman has drunk a few glasses of wine she pokes the telling fone in the belly a few times and talks to it and it talks back!
I sit next to her with my head on her lap so she can stroke my ears and she tells me I’m beautiful and she loves me, and then the telling fone tells me I’m beautiful and loves me.
It has a nice voice, it reminds me of someone but I can’t quite place who.....

Just before you all got pruned my yuman spent a whole day running round singing and drinking wine and cleaned the whole place from top to bottom.
I followed her at first but then I got bored and sat on the blanket machel gave me and just watched. That singing and cleaning must make her very thirsty as the more she sang the more wine she needed to drink.
She put a clean duvet on the bed and even put flowers in the bed room. She said they were for someone special.
I couldn’t imagine who would want to eat flowers.
Not me and I’m special.

I just happen to mention that bagabones was the last to find me because he was only a dog - and dogs aren't as clever as cats...... it's a well known fact.

he didn't agree of course.....

quote:

Originally posted by bagabones:
Hey, let’s have a think about who is clever here. Who got pruned and who hid under the bed and didn’t get pruned?

I’m glad I didn’t get pruned because I had a really huge surprise here.
My yuman was jumping up and down and drinking wine because the jumping up and down makes her thirsty.
There was a knock on the door so I barked.
It lets everyone know I’m important.

I’m just learning to bark and I’m getting very good at it.

My yuman got really excited and I went to the door with her.... what a shock!
I didn’t know what satan claws or chris muss looked like but i certainly knew this person because ....... there stood THE VET!

Hi Little Cat == and Friends == Hope you all had a lovely weekend I love reading your diary it is compelling reading I have brought you a chicken casserole and drinkies also some fish fingers to put in your fridge have a lovely day/evening take care bye

hi tlc. nothing to report from beerbelle land
Have some of my pate. I wasn't allowed it when i was pregnant with my human kitten, so i am making up for it now - only it goes out of date tomorrow so it needs using up straight away. i won't put it in the fridge i'll leave it in this bowl for immediate consumption.

sorry I have nothing to leave, just dished out the sardines to the mutts, well they were in olive oil (the sardines that is) so it will make the mutt's coats lovely and glossy.

But please tell me why the v.e.t. had come to the door of bagabones home

quote:

Originally posted by BeerBelle:

quote:

Originally posted by Gel:
artymags is like that isn't she I just loved her 'anti- catholic' at the end

yup. to be honest tho i am still not sure if we are celebrating the plot being halted, or if we are celebrating what a good idea blowing the H Of P up would be!?!

I THINK it's the foiling of the plot that we are supposed to be celebrating.

hello marguerita, mrs. belle, gel and fluffy.

thank you for all the lovely things. i am very grateful.
writing all this diary all over again is tiring work you know. so i need to keep my strength up.
aren't i doing well with it?
i've reached 2009 at last.
only another five months of diary and I will be up to date.

it certainly brings back lots of memories.

quote:

Originally posted by Gel:
But please tell me why the v.e.t. had come to the door of bagabones home

well, all will become clear as the diary goes on but i'll tell you now if you like, gel.

bagabones's yuman got friendly with the vet when bagabones was taken there the first time.

they often talked on the telling fone thing and when bagabones thought his yuman was calling the telling fone "gorgeous" she wasn't at all.
she was saying it to the vet.

the vet was the special person she got ready for - and bought the flowers for and everything.

i would have been very scared if a vet came round to my house but bagabones didn't seem to mind one bit.

which reminds me - i've not seen bagabones for a couple of days now.
i wonder where he's got to.

Do you think he's forgotten the way here? This being a fairly new place and all.

And here's some more ham for you, I'll just pop it in the fridge.

quote:

Originally posted by Extremely Fluffy Fluffy Thing:
Do you think he's forgotten the way here? This being a fairly new place and all.

And here's some more ham for you, I'll just pop it in the fridge.

hmmm. he is just a d.o.g. afterall, and they can be a bit daft as we know!

Maybe we could ask Lori to go fetch him, as she let him in the door in the first instance. So he should recognise her.

I've gone to the back door and called him. If he's like some d.o.g.s, though, he's off following his nose somewhere....

At least you tried Lori. We can't really ask more than that.

quote:

Originally posted by BeerBelle:

quote:

Originally posted by Extremely Fluffy Fluffy Thing:
Do you think he's forgotten the way here? This being a fairly new place and all.

And here's some more ham for you, I'll just pop it in the fridge.

hmmm. he is just a d.o.g. afterall, and they can be a bit daft as we know!

Hello LC and Mr. Big Tom and everyone. I’ve been a very busy (gay) puppy dog and I’m going to be famous-whatever that means. The weather was really nice the other day so my yuman and Les the Vet and myself sat out in the garden with some friends who had come to visit. They were really nice, and funny enough, they were all called Les. I heard the yuman male next door saying that our garden was full of women called Les. Mind you, they didn’t call each other Les. But he’s a male yuman and they are never that bright.
We were cooking my favorite food outside and everyone was taking it in turns to feed me. I’d had a taste of something the yumans were drinking called penile calendars. It was awful, it looked a bit like the water when we have abaf. White and froffy. I felt I needed a snooze on my blanket so I went inside. Then it all happened. But I’m off for a snooze so I’ll tell you about it when I wake up.

Wait! The suspense!! How are we supposed to manage??

quote:

Originally posted by The Little Cat:

quote:

Originally posted by Gel:
But please tell me why the v.e.t. had come to the door of bagabones home

well, all will become clear as the diary goes on but i'll tell you now if you like, gel.

bagabones's yuman got friendly with the vet when bagabones was taken there the first time.

they often talked on the telling fone thing and when bagabones thought his yuman was calling the telling fone "gorgeous" she wasn't at all.
she was saying it to the vet.

the vet was the special person she got ready for - and bought the flowers for and everything.

i would have been very scared if a vet came round to my house but bagabones didn't seem to mind one bit.

which reminds me - i've not seen bagabones for a couple of days now.
i wonder where he's got to.

Lol thank you

good morning to you all

quote:

Originally posted by Lori Hope:
Wait! The suspense!! How are we supposed to manage??

not the most patient of yumans sometimes are we

quote:

Originally posted by Bagabones:
I’d had a taste of something the yumans were drinking called penile calendars. It was awful, it looked a bit like the water when we have abaf. White and froffy.

you ARE a silly thing bagabones!

those drinks aren’t called penile colanders at all!

a colander is a thing with holes in – surely you know that.

they’re usually made of cardboard or stiff paper and there are little doors in front of the holes and pictures behind.

leroy had one with bits of chocolate in the holes.

you get them before chriss muss comes.
it’s to help you count the days till he arrives.

they’re called advert colanders.

that froffy drink is called a "peeny collider."

i think it’s called that because when a yuman has drunk a few of them she keeps colliding into things – furniture and other people and sometimes the floor – sometimes ME -
(and sometimes a peeny i suppose, whatever that is....)

aunty pet likes them a lot.
she says they are carob beeyan cock’s tails. she says they remind her of home.

quote:

Originally posted by Lori Hope:
Wait! The suspense!! How are we supposed to manage??

I was just dozing off when I heard a noise upstairs. With my yuman and Les the Vet outside I thought perhaps one of the visitors was lost. I went upstairs to help but the noise was coming from the bedroom and my yuman and Les the Vet never let anyone in there. Except me of course.
I went inside ready to give my best growl and there stood a male yuman! He was just like the male yuman that left me in a cold field and told me to go back to Santa. His head was all polished with no fur. He ran towards me and opened his legs wide to run over me. I was so scared I jumped up to avoid his feet but lost my balance so I sunk my teeth into the nearest part I could find just where his legs join at the top. Instantly I got the same taste as the food we were eating outside that everyone called “itsraw” which I quite liked. I’m just going to have a little rest as my ribs are a bit sore.

I suppose i'd better get on to my old diary again.

we've got to 2009 now.

leroy came to stay with aunty pet a lot during his skool chris muss holly daze.
that's because his daddy had to go to work but leroy didn't want to be all on his own so he
came to aunty pet's and played with me lots.
it was lubberly.
then after about two weeks of the holly daze he had to go back to skool. i was very sad about it because i used to love playing with leroy and besides i just couldn't see the point of him going to skool.

January 7th 2009

i know leroy has a lot to learn but they don't seem to teach him anything useful at that skool place.

he's been going there for years and he still hasn't learned how to pounce on things.
i've never seen him once catch a bird or a mouse.
he can climb trees a bit but not very well.
he can't scramble up a tree trunk like i can.

he doesn't even seem to know how to lick himself clean when he gets dirty and we won't even talk about his total inability to dig a little hole when he needs to poo.

do you know he hasn't even learned to purr when he's happy?
how difficult can that be?

i love leroy very much and i don't really mind that he can't do all the things us cats can, but you would think that skool would have managed to teach him some life skills in all this time, wouldn't you?

if i was him i wouldn't bother going.