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Meow. Wave
can i settle down here at last?

when i had to move from channel 4 i rescued all my diary - and my sig Laugh

so for those who don't know my exciting life story i am going to post my entire diary again - right from the beginning.
but - just so it doesn't get too confusing i shall post the old diary in purple (because someone said it was purple prose Confused) and anyway purple is my favourite colour.

this may take some time because i'm only a very little cat and i can't type fast with my paws and i also find it hard to work the shift key and put in capital letters.

please feel free to pop in from time to time with sustenance for me in my long task.

Replies sorted oldest to newest

First ever post – 4.11.07

meow.

lots of people came and visited me and brought me food and toys and blankets.
i wrote this on 15.11.07

i have been very busy. i have visited elmos greasy spoon cafe for some scraps and been stroked by miss fizzy lizzy in heatseaks man thread. i have also passed on some of my knowledge from my time spent as an experimental lab cat on the science forum.... very tired now...

18.11.07
last night I was sick on the stairs.
i was very silly and had too much cat milk.
i am feeling a lot better now as i have had lots of water and some sausages.

couldn't face elmos cafe today...

i have been sleeping a lot and i think i am going to pull through

24.11.07
hello peeps. i have been scratching the paint off the skirting boards today so that the people can repaint it nicely.

i haven't been out much as it was raining all day, so i have been busy sleeping and hunting a screwed up piece of paper
The Little Cat

05.01.08
i went for a trip to the V. E. T. yesterday. i think that stands for very expensive treatment; which i have to have because i am a very special cat. Nod they have put a cone on my head which is most irritating; but i look kinda cool in it Cool
06.01.08
many thanks for the goodies everyone
what with this silly cone on my head i seem to be unable to pick anything up in my mouth and so i am just snow ploughing things around the forum floor. Big Grin
08.01.08
i think my cone is round my neck... i have tried to undo it, but no luck. the novelty of looking cool is wearing off. apparently i can see the VET people on friday and they might let me take it off.
mrs marg... thankyou for stroking me. can you please rub my ears too as i cant quite get there, i am managing to eat aome stuff, but it gets stuck on my cone and i have to shake my head violently to get it off. i look like one of those nodding dogs off the churchill ads, but with pointy ears
The Little Cat
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20.01.08
i went out today, and i am not sure what happened, but it was an awful shock. i think i fell in a pond. or someone threw a bucket of water at me??? Angry i went dashing back in through the cat flap, and sat on a cushion. my tail was dripping wet along with my back paws and my bottom. Eeker
it took me hours to lick it clean Disappointed

27.01.08
it is a bit blowy today, but i don't mind it too much. i got a feather stuck to my eye this morning. it was there for ages until someone pulled it off for me. i wondered why i couldn't see straight for chasing leaves. Confused

04.02.08
auntie bagel has knitted me a beautiful pink poncho. i like my poncho. i don't have to work out putting all my paws in sleeves. i have been up the allotments today in my pink poncho. i got some looks off the other cats. i reckon they are jealous. Nod

19.02.08.
i have been hiding in the airing cupboard as it was so cold - with my new hot water bottle that mrs marg bought me. i have my poncho on and everything, but it is still bliddy freezing
The Little Cat
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21.05.08
my fridge arrived today from john lewis’s. mrs artymags arranged it all and cat's protection paid for it. this fridge is brilliant.

In my fridge i have:

1 carton double cream
1/2 pint channel island milk
1 chicken (2 bites taken out)
1/2 tin tuna chunks in brine... Thanks for helping open it mrs belle.
catnip thingy from ms slice


machel, if you are still taking orders, may I have some kitecat - dried stuff with different shapes please.

Also I would like a fridge magnet, to decorate my new fridge with.

(And can someone get me a little thankyou card that I can write in to send to mrs a mags and cat's protection for sorting me out with my fridge?).
The Little Cat
14.06.08
i was just watching the pond. i think i may have fallen in love with a frog.....
mrs mags, thankyou so much for sorting the fridge for me, i like that milk you get me. it is very posh!!
i wondered what the flowery powder stuff was. i tried to sniff it, bit it kept going up my nose and making me sneeze - and i am useless with a handkerchief!

16.06.08
i'm definitely in love with the frog !
The Little Cat
08.07.08
It is sometimes a bit frustrating for a Little Cat like me to be all by myself on here not knowing what's going on? I am very happy to see my friends when they drop by - especially when they bring me nice treats but nobody stays long and I get very lonely in the night when the forum isn't on.

Most other little cats have a human pet of their own to be a sort of housekeeper and slave and act as a companion when they want one.

I've been thinking of getting a human pet to serve me.

Has anyone any suggestions of the best type of pet for a little cat like me?

What sort should look out for do you think?

I definitely need one that can be easily trained. Nod
The Little Cat
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09.07.08
I have decided what to do .
When it has stopped raining I am going to go for a little walk and if I see someone who looks like they will make a good pet I shall go up to them and do my "Cute" routine.
I've been practising in front of a mirror.
It's VERY good!

I lay on my back and wave my paws in the air and roll about a bit. Then I juggle with my special feather and then I rub up against their legs while looking up at them with wide eyes and purring. Nod

I should be able to get a nice pet like that - I'm a bit gorgeous and irresistible - even though I say it myself. Blush

I'll let you know how I get on tomorrow.
The Little Cat
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10.07.08.
it was a bit too cold and wet for me to go out last night. and anyway the humans I saw through my window at night didn't look as if they would make good pets at all. they were very loud and rough and noisy. i don't think iwould be able to train them easily.

anyway I have spent a long time this morning cleaning my fur. i've put my back legs behind my ears and licked all the little places we don't mention - and cleaned my whiskers to perfection.
i'm off to try my luck now.

do you think I look nice? Blush
The Little Cat
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10.07.08.
this is going to be harder than i thought.
i found a nice lady hanging some cloth things on a sort of whirligig in her garden.(the poor humans can't grow their own clothes like us cats can. i'm glad we don't have to keep taking off our fur and washing it, but then , if i was human i wouldn't like to have to lick my clothes clean i don't think Shake Head
anyway i went up to the nice lady and did my cute act and she liked me and stroked me, but just as she was about to pick me up a huge fierce ginger cat ran out from the lady's house and spat at me and swore at me and chased me away. Eeker
i had to run really fast and it mussed up all my nice clean coiffurred fur. Eeker

i'm going to finish off marg's pate now and have a little sleep to recover. i'll try again tomorrow.
The Little Cat
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11.07.08
i'm back! my evening hasn't been a success.
i listened to what you said mrs belle and i found a big house with nice curtains where i thought a nice rich lady might live.
this time i waited in the garden for a long time to see if the big house belonged to another cat but i didn't see one.
then i went up to the door and scratched on it a bit and mewed and the nice lady came out.
she was very nice and picked me up and took me in and gave me some fresh prawns and then i curled up on her lap and went to sleep because i thought i had found my new pet.

but then this big man came home with a loud rough voice. he had long legs like an ostrich only he wasn't an ostrich. he said "don't you know i am a ler jick?"
what is an a ler jick please?
it must be someone who doesn't like cats because the nice lady said she was sorry but i couldn't stay because of the man being a ler jick. and she put me out in the rain.
the ler jick man said he didn't like cats anyway. he said my bottom looked like a tea towel holder. Eeker

I coughed up a big fur ball in his shoes that he'd left in the hall before i went though.
i'd like to see the ler jick's face when he puts his foot in his shoe again.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN CHOOSING A PET
1. choose a nice lady as they are easier to train (mrs belle told me that Nod)
2.make sure the nice lady is rich so she can keep me in the style to which i would like to become accustomed. (mrs belle told me that too Nod)
3. make sure the nice lady doesn't belong to another cat already - unless the other cat is cute and friendly like me.
4. make sure there isn't anyone else living in the house who says he a ler jick (whatever THAT is! Confused)

5 also machel says it's nice to find a family with little yumans - yuman kittens - to play with.

Better luck tomorrow perhaps. now i'm going to go to sleep.
The Little Cat
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12.07.08
good morning everyone.
it's a nice bright morning and i feel a lot better for a good sleep and some of that lovely chicken out of my fridge for my breakfast.

i've been thinking about this pet problem.
do you think i'm being selfish looking for a rich lady pet?
should i really be looking for a poor homeless "rescue" pet instead?

I don't like dogs at all, but i sometimes think they must be kinder than us cats because they often choose rescue pets. i've seen them.
they help their pets collect money on street corners and in subways.
they sit on an old blanket and try to look cute and hungry while their pet plays a tune or rattles a tin.

you never see a cat doing that.

do you think that means us cats are more selfish?

should i become the first cat to choose a homeless rescue pet do you think?
The Little Cat
13.07.08
Hello everyone.
i'm soo excited. i think i may have found my pet at last.
it's a nice lady
she isn't already owned by another cat.
she seems quite rich
there isn't a big man or a ler jick person (i think she knows someone called benny fitts though who she says gives her lots of money. but i didn't see him)
she has 4 human kittens. she told me their names. there's keanu and kevin and sapphire but they were at a play group so i haven't seen them yet. the other is a tiny new human kitten called shelby. it makes a lot of noise. i may have to get some ear plugs if i stay.
she gave me a big dish of ken tucky fried chicken. it was very nice. i didn't much like the "coal slor" stuff though.

i have just popped back for my special feather so i can show her my juggling.

i'll let you know how i get on.
this could be the one.
The Little Cat
14.07.08.

. oh dear! the fried chicken tasted nice but it made me very sick.. I was sick all over my nice lady's lap when she was cuddling me too. i was mortified. i don't want to upset her, but she was lovely about it. she said it was only an old shell-suit and would easily wash.
i am more careful about what i eat now. the nice lady took all the yuman kittens out for a big mac yesterday. i thought she meant something to keep them all dry in the rain, but she brought one back for me and it turned out to be a sort of food.
i didn't like the look of it much but i nibbled the edge a bit and then, when she wasn't about, i carried it out into the garden and hid it by pushing it under the corner of an old mattress that was lying out there in the rain.
It's a good job i can come and eat the proper food all you lovely people bring me.
The Little Cat
15.07.08

i'm not so sure if this is the right place for me after all though. when i took my special feather and juggled with it for the nice lady the very small baby human kitten shelby grabbed it off me and put it in her mouth. the nice lady took it off her straight away and gave it back to me which i was pleased about. but then she said to shelby "don't put that in your mouth - it's dirty - it's been in the cat's mouth" Eeker Eeker Eeker what an insult! my mouth isn't dirty. AND she expected me to carry my feather in my mouth after it had been in that baby's mouth and was all covered with bits of rusk. :
when she wasn't looking i dropped my feather in her cup of tea and rinsed it well. I've brought it back here now to keep it safe.

16.07.08
I really love my nice lady but the 3 yuman kittens are a bit of a problem. they are not at all like kittens really. they are more like puppies or cubs. they are always rolling around and jumping on things and fighting each other. i spend most of my time hiding under the cocktail bar in the corner to keep away from them.

my nice lady doesn't seem to notice. she watches the television all the time and it always seems to have programmes on with people shouting and fighting each other as well - so i suppose she thinks it's normal.

perhaps it is. Confused
The Little Cat
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17.07.08
I have had a bad time with the three yuman kittens pups this morning. kevin and keanu chased me all over the house and keanu grabbed me hard and i nearly scratched him, but i didn't because i knew the nice lady would be cross if i did. then kevin pulled me off him by my back leg and hurt me and then they started fighting each other so i got away. but then sapphire found me limping and put me in her dolls pram. it was all right at first but she wanted to play "animal hospital" with me and wrapped me up in lots of bandages and tried to put sticking plaster on my head.
then the nice lady came in with some fish and chips for us all so i managed to escape and hide under the cocktail bar again.
i tried some of the fish and chips the nice lady brought for us but i didn't like it much.
the fish was all right once you got through that bubbly brown greasy stuff round it, but there wasn't much of it.
i pushed the brown greasy stuff under an old broken armchair in the garden. there was a rat underneath it who seemed to really like the greasy stuff so i told him where i'd left the big mac yesterday as well. Laugh
The Little Cat
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Sunday Morning
i feel a lot better today.
it's much quieter.
keanu and kevin have gone off for the day. keanu's dad came and took him off somewhere quite early this morning and a bit later on kevin's dad came and took him too.

my nice lady said sapphire's dad couldn't come for her because he is inside doing porage.
Well I went inside and had a look he wasn't in the kitchen but i've just found out he must be in buckingham palace because the lady said he was doing 4 years porage at her majesty's pleasure.
he must be a VERY important person and the queen must be very fond of her oats. Nod

My nice lady says she has got a visiting order to go and see him next week.
i hope she takes me with her because then i could sneak out of the palace kitchen and go and find the queen.

they say a cat may look at a queen. Laugh

Sunday afternoon
this afternoon sapphire got hold of me again to play “animal hospital”.
she tried to push a pretend pill in my mouth. it was a red smartie really but I still didn’t like it and I kept spitting it out until all the colour on it had gone.
sapphire told the nice lady I was a naughty cat and I hid under the cocktail bar in the corner again.
I was really worried that the nice lady would be cross with me and not take me to see the queen next week. But she didn’t seem bothered she just went on watching big brother on television and flicking her cigarette ash into my litter tray – which incidentally hasn’t been cleaned out for three days..
The Little Cat
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Sunday evening.
I have just found out my nice lady has got FIVE yuman kittens - not just four.
Eeker
one called leroy arrived today with his daddy.
my nice lady says she and leroy's dad have "joint custard" or something. Confused

i don't know where the custard is but leroy stays some of the time with his dad and some of the time with the nice lady and all the others.

I was VERY frightened when i saw leroy's dad. he is VERY big. he looks just like mister lenny henry on television.

i hid right under the cocktail bar again. i was frightened he might be a ler jick like that nasty man with ostrich legs.
but he is lovely and gentle and kind. Nod
he bent down and coaxed me out from under the cocktail bar and then stroked me very gently and made soothing noises.

he went out to something called the "offie" and got me a tin of delicious cat food and while he was gone i sat on leroy's lap and leroy tickled me under my chin in just the way i like and i purred and purred and purred. Smiler

leroy is going to be my very special friend. Nod


..
The Little Cat
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Monday
hello everyone.
i’ve just popped into the forum to say I’ve had the best sleep i’ve had since I found my new pets. Smiler
I slept all night on leroy’s legs in his little room.
he has a tiny room of his own when he stays here – well it’s more like a cupboard really - but it’s just right for me and leroy.
i feel safe with him. Nod

this morning he washed out my dirty food dish and filled it with fresh cat food and, when sapphire tried to get me to play “animal hospital” again, he wouldn’t let her. Laugh

sapphire screamed and cried and yelled and stamped but he still wouldn’t let her take me.

I thought my nice lady would be cross with leroy for upsetting sapphire but instead she was cross with sapphire.

She said she was hung over and sapphire was doing her head in. Confused

I didn’t understand any of that. she wasn’t hanging over anything at the time and her head looked the same shape as usual. Roll Eyes
The Little Cat
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20.07.08
fluffy friend has just told me that sapphire's dad is in prison !!!!! Eeker


why? did he burn the porage or something??? Confused

is it treason if you burn the royal porage then? Confused

the queen must have been very cross with him to put him in prison just because she didn't like her oats one morning.

So I won't be visiting buckingham palace now after all. Frowner
The Little Cat
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21.07.08.
I don’t think the nice lady is so nice after all. . She doesn't really seem interested in me any more. Shake Head

she just sits watching trisha and jezzy kyle all day and flicking ash into my litter tray. Frowner

she hardly ever feeds me and when she does the stuff she gives me makes me poorly.

kevin and keanu fight over me and pull me about and hurt me and sapphire just wants me to be a pretend patient when she plays animal hospital.

shelby just pulls my tail and tries to put it in her mouth.

there's only leroy who really understands cats and he doesn't live here.

i have made a terrible mistake.
i'm so unhappy. Crying
The Little Cat
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22.07.08
oh dear, it hasn't been a very good day again so far. Frowner

kevin and keanu came back from their respective dad's and started fighting again as usual and i got kicked. Mad

leroy tried to stop them but they wouldn't and then HE got kicked too. Mad Mad

shelby has been crying all day because she is getting new teeth and she pulls my poor tail. Roll Eyes

then sapphire said she was tired of playing "animal hospital" and wanted to play "teenage single mothers" instead. Roll Eyes Roll Eyes

The lady wouldn't let her have shelby to play with, so she got hold of me and tried to dress me in some of shelby's old baby clothes.
I escaped and hid under the cocktail bar ....again! Frowner

I have decided what i am going to do. Nod

leroy goes back to his dad tomorrow. i am going to hide in his duffel bag and go with him.
Nod
wish me luck.


tomorrow is the day of THE GREAT ESCAPE!

Thumbs Up
The Little Cat
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quote:
Originally posted by ~hoochie~:
Smiler Little Cat ...this is fascinating I've never seen it before - next time I pop in I'll bring a nice piece of fresh trout
Hoochie, it was on General Discussions at first, then when C4 closed that we got it put on Talk4 and now we've got a synopsis on here. Smiler

PS, here's some more smoked ham for the fridge and some D.O.G. treats for bagabones when he gets here.
Extremely Fluffy Fluffy Thing
23.07.08
I DID IT !
this morning, when leroy was getting his stuff together to take back, i snuck into his duffle bag and hid.
of course he saw me when he started to put his clothes in, but he just smiled and winked and didn't say anything.

he told the lady he had too much stuff for his duffle bag and asked for a carrier.
she was too busy changing shelby's dirty nappy to ask any questions (i don't know why that shelby doesn't use a litter tray like me - those nappies are disgusting!)

anyway she gave him an old netto carrier for his stuff and then we waited for leroy's dad to come and fetch him in the car. i kept very still and quiet. Eeker

leroy didn't tell his dad he had got me with him, he kept me a secret.

We drove back to where they live (it's a flat up a lot of stairs ) and leroy took his things - and me - out of the bags and made me comfy on his bed. then he went and got a glass of milk for himself, but really it was for me. Laugh

leroy's dad, who looks just like mr lenny henry, still doesn't know i'm here, but i don't think he will mind when he finds out because i know he likes me a lot. Nod

safe at last! whew!

Thumbs Up
The Little Cat
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23.07.08.
oh dear! there's trouble!

leroy's dad came into leroy's room and saw me curled up on the bed.
he said "how did that cat get here?". leroy said he'd rescued me from being ill-treated by kevin and keanu and sapphire.

leroy's dad sat on the bed and stroked me and then he said, "but you know we can't keep her don't you? we're not allowed pets in this flat."

if i hadn't have been so worried i'd have laughed at that.

he meant ME! he thought i was a pet !!!! Laugh

leroy and his dad are the pets of course, but they don't realise it. Laugh

anyway leroy was very upset and so was i.
leroy said "don't make me take her back, dad". his dad said "no, i'll not send her back to live in skwolla." Confused

(where IS that anyway? i don't think i have ever lived anywhere called "skwolla".)

leroy is very sad, and so am i, but his dad says i can stay here until they find a nice place for me - but i musn't let anyone else see me or they will get reported, whatever THAT means. Confused

leroy's dad says he is going to see what he can do.
he says he will put some feelers out. Confused
i can't see how having feelers like an insect will help and he will look very strange - but then i'm getting used to being confused by humans now. Confused
The Little Cat
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