quote:

Originally posted by Twee Surgeon:
With your permission OHD, I think this thread needs a limerick/poem about WANKER Kris.

There once was a WANKER called Kris
who was always taking the p1ss
This thread on the forum
Where we don't show decorum
And call a WANKER a WANKER called Kris

From a respected news agency ....

Kris, who entered the famous house on Thursday made no attempt to cover up his womanising ways and boasted that he always pulls someone every time he goes out.

But the friend says he will ONLY go home when he has a girl in tow and if the night is running out then Kris is happy to drop his usual high standards and go home with anyone.

"He hasn't got a technique but his personality hooks them in."



Two comments left under this article from Shrewsbury girls:

Hayley: "Hes a complete and utter idiot believe me he used to walk round shrewsbury as if he owned the place and treats people like dirt. hate him."

and

Geri: "He is absolutely VILE. His droop slant eyed, wrinkly face makes me and my friends sick whenever we see him in Shrewsbury. He is a dick aswel"

From another respected news agency....

"...Bianca from Warrington telling us that Kris is hung like a badger; by Jayne of Basildon saying that Kris tried on her knickers; by Tiffany confiding that Kris insisted on her holding a mirror to his face the whole time they made magical love ..."

Now, why do I believe that?

What a

It's for male BB totty I hanker
The men in there couldn't be ranker
But to put looks aside
We can all say with pride
That Kris is the ultimate WANKER

What does "hung like a badger" mean? Not heard that one - what size does it indicate?

quote:

Originally posted by Baby Bunny:
What does "hung like a badger" mean? Not heard that one - what size does it indicate?

Somehow I doubt it was a compliment

quote:

Originally posted by Demantoid:

quote:

Originally posted by Baby Bunny:
What does "hung like a badger" mean? Not heard that one - what size does it indicate?

Somehow I doubt it was a compliment

Good - not the largest of creatures is the badger but nature has its quirks.

from definition-of.com..

Duchess Lucinda (Barbara Hershey) to Tommy Patel (Eric Idle) in Splitting Heirs (1993).-- Duchess: ' You remind me of my late husband . (...) He was hung like a badger .'-- Tommy: ' Really? Is that good? '-- Duchess: ' Only if you're a badger .'

quote:

Originally posted by old hippy guy:
Gordon Brown was asked today if he would like to make a comment about Kris in the Big Brother house,
THIS was his response,

...while even in his youth, predecessor Tony Blair had a premonition that one day a certain wanker named Kris would be born (god told him allegedly)

Just feel the need for another *wanker*

quote:

Originally posted by Slinkiwitchx:
from definition-of.com..

Duchess Lucinda (Barbara Hershey) to Tommy Patel (Eric Idle) in Splitting Heirs (1993).-- Duchess: ' You remind me of my late husband . (...) He was hung like a badger .'-- Tommy: ' Really? Is that good? '-- Duchess: ' Only if you're a badger .'

Ah, that removes any lingering doubts...

Demantoid

quote:

Originally posted by Kaytee:
Just feel the need for another *wanker*

One of him's enough

To the tune of "Remember You're a Womble"

Remember you're a wanker
(Remember you're a wanker)
Remember you're a wanker
(Remember you're a wanker)
Remember you're a wanker
(Remember you're a wanker)
Remember you're a wanker
(Remember you're a wanker)
Remember member member
What a wanker wanker wanker you are...

quote:

Originally posted by Demantoid:

quote:

Originally posted by Kaytee:
Just feel the need for another *wanker*

One of him's enough

To the tune of "Remember You're a Womble"

Remember you're a wanker
(Remember you're a wanker)
Remember you're a wanker
(Remember you're a wanker)
Remember you're a wanker
(Remember you're a wanker)
Remember you're a wanker
(Remember you're a wanker)
Remember member member
What a wanker wanker wanker you are...

Oh Gawd!! I actually sang along..must get me meds

quote:

Originally posted by Kaytee:
Oh Gawd!! I actually sang along..must get me meds

lol, sorry!

Hahaha loving the efforts of this thread since the last time I called in. Now for my daily dose to let of steam, bleauuuuurrghh, what a wanker!

There should really be a dance devoted to Kris and his wankiness.

Put your right hand on, take your right hand off, put your right hand on and shake it all about . . .

quote:

Originally posted by Suzi-Q:
There should really be a dance devoted to Kris and his wankiness.

Put your right hand on, take your right hand off, put your right hand on and shake it all about . . .

---> Legend


---> Wanker

quote:

Originally posted by Heatseek:
---> Legend


---> Wanker

Jim Morrison was gorgeous

Well said Lass

quote:

Originally posted by Heatseek:
Well said Lass

Ooh just read the writing under the pic of Jim

He was a bit of a lad eh?

Kris, I think it is really important you understand that you're a wanker.

For Kris the Kock...


My mother said that I never should
play with the naughty, rude girls in the wood.
Their giggling talk I could never understand,
and that's why I fell in love with my right hand.
And that's why...

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

I was twenty-five years old before I was kissed,
and then I found that I preferred a swift one off the wrist.
It's cheap and convenient, you can't catch VD.
It's available at any time and it's absolutely free.
And that's why...

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Oh, Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters,
thank you for having me and being oh, so kind.
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is growing shorter,
My knees have turned to water, and I think I'm going blind.

I've wanked over Italy, I've wanked over Spain.
I've wanked in an omnibus, I've even had a wank in a train.
I've used a badger and a melon and a cat,
an inflatable Linda Lovelace, and a Davy Crockett hat.
And that's why...

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Oh, Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters,
Thank you for having me and being oh, so kind.
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is getting shorter,
My knees have turned to water, and I think I'm going blind.

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

He's a wanker, he's a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
He's a wanker, He's a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Well! I've never heard such filth in all me born days!

quote:

Originally posted by electric6:


Well! I've never heard such filth in all me born days!

Dont tell me porkies lecshual

alreet?

Shivs, your poem/song was brill, but can you dance to it?

quote:

Originally posted by Suzi-Q:
Shivs, your poem/song was brill, but can you dance to it?

I cant claim it as mine Suze, but I can shake my booty to it....I can shake my booty to anything, a case of having to

quote:

Originally posted by Shiver:

Dont tell me porkies lecshual

alreet?

Eeeeh well ah nevah!

I'm grand ta, how's you?

quote:

Originally posted by electric6:

quote:

Originally posted by Shiver:

Dont tell me porkies lecshual

alreet?

Eeeeh well ah nevah!

I'm grand ta, how's you?

In the middle of a nightmare...but ok

Bloody hot tho

Adapted from the Lionel Richie classic....

When you are together
The moments you cherish
With every beat of your palm
To touch you to hold you
To feel you to need you
There's nothing to keep you apart
Yes, you're once, twice
Three times a
And I haaa-a-a-te you
I haaa-a-a-te you.....

quote:

Originally posted by Shiver:
In the middle of a nightmare...but ok

Bloody hot tho

PM me if you wanna chat missus

Oi, Kris - You WANKER!

Goodness me, that felt rather gratifying

He's still a wanker..no change,carry on.

So much jealousy.

quote:

Originally posted by Kris Is Bliss:
So much jealousy.

We're not jealous, we just think he's a

quote:

Originally posted by Kris Is Bliss:
So much jealousy.

JELLUSY is the word, you're a bit poo at this

I'll teach you

quote:

Originally posted by Kris Is Bliss:
So much jealousy.

Don't you have a bridge to guard?

WAAANNNNGGGGAAAAAAA