I've had just about enough of this - it's not my fault that the budget here only stretches to Poundland dusters - any more critising of my work and I go to the papers.

Miss S, I am not for one minute pointing the finger (apart from along my drinks cabinet) at you or your staff... and I certainly will (grovel) apologise if any offence was taken...I must have left the window open, and some pigeon dropped a sh*t load of feather dust on my furniture  

Yes, that must have been what happened......

Hmmm, well I will hold off from phoning the News of the World for now.

I am sure they will be interested in a tale of mistreatment of staff at number 10, however.

Now, I seem to remember there was a matter of a payrise?

Hmmmm now this needs to be handled delicately, I will endeavour to lead the cabinet (towards stonks's bar) towards a fair and just discussion Miss S, will that (pacify) promise of a fair and democratic approach lead you not to make rash decisions involving (MurCock) Robert Murdock  


Ps I aint half having to use spell check 

Seems the threat of a newspaper story means that you hierarchy will bow to my demands.

I shall now go and make a list of requests that I expect to be met within, say, 48 hours.

After I've washed these windows - bloody pigeons

That seems (un) reasonable Miss S, now I just have to think of ways to get the other members on side... (starts crying) this could be a tad difficult  Can we not extend the negotiations for about five years  

Hmmmm,  I am willing to extend negotiations for, say, 7 days, then I will sell to the Sunday Sport - maybe ask if they want a few pics of me and the young constables -

(it will be an explosive story what with all my eavesdropping).

According to one of the young constables the following footage was caught on CCTV - me and my girls had just filled the fridge with past sell by date  bargains from ASDA so who is this nicking stuff?

I'm sure no one will( have been stupid enough) caught doing anything underhand 

Must be tiddly, how underhand is that, she's been missing.. food poisoning must be the culprit..probably had pubes in it too  

Took me ages to find the right smilies 

Well the footage is a bit grainy but it sure looks like her - although i am a humble cleaner IN CHIEF,  may I suggest that her role in this government is reviewed.

Pubes in soap could be forgiven to an extent, but nicking food - NEVER.

  PMS @ Chief 


I understand where you're coming from Miss S  I think I must digest this information in the (morning) afternoon when I'm not do (p*ssed) tired   I do think we should review Tiddly's role subject to (how much) condition's!

Nite nite Miss S, sweet dreams  

Then I will leave you to digest Home Sec

Night night

Is everyone revolting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No - but stay away from the stuff in that fridge!

Who's been helping themselves to the bar again?....

That's what happens when they take ministers' chauffeurs away, stonks!

That looks like the PMs car 

I suppose it's still technically a parallel park 

Yep, vertically parallel!

I've finished probing a couple of the young constables.....one of the poor boys seems to have developed a phobia of feather dusters and houshold cleaning products....still....I managed to tie him up calm him down and whip him into shape sent him on his way.....


I feel a pub lunch coming on....anyone care to join me?

Hmmmmm.

*** quite fancies a ploughman's...   ***

What about a Sunday Roast Bliz?

I'll take care of any pigeons....

While your there could you take care of the stragglers....

 That squirrel needs a Cabinet position...

pops in for alka seltzer out of medicine cabinet 

Filth!

*** considers her position ***

*returns from pub lunch...downs the alka seltzer...belches loudly....grabs the nearest young constable and heads to office for a siesta*

I've been away on a jolly fact finding mission around Europe...the results of which are set out for consumption discussion in the Members' bar and dining room House....First come first served.....expenses forms for the freebies must be submitted asap

Cheers stonks, I'll be on the road to recovery in a few hours 

I can't be filling forms in today, not through the slits I have for eyes 

don't bother then...have another drink from the trolley instead...if Stonkssy's wheeled it out yet

oh hair of the dog, just might bring me around  

*sashays down Downing Street to the sight of tumbleweed flying past*  I guess it's just me here for the early Cabinet meeting 

Good Morning Foreign Sec, I'm here with my expenses all filled in..it's only taken me 12 hours, I did have quite a bit to put down though   

I wondered where I'd parked the car on Saturday night