No offence meant  - of course

If you have a milder or perhaps a funny stress-reducing alternative then please add

FIDDLE STICKS (loved that one)

Bother!

(c. Winnie The Pooh)

Dash and blast it

Crumby Crumbles.

 All of the above. 

Sugar .. is my word when I am annoyed 

There are several terms of abuse that I dredge up when confronted by someone or something that irks me.  Unfortunately they are terms that would make even a sailor blush and so I will resist the urge to repeat them here

Marg I am truly shocked

Apoxonyorpeenuss! 

Rexi

bollocks

hahaha - I had to read that very slowly to understand it!!

when driving and some numpty is being a pillock and getting in my way, i  use the 'tw@t' word.

my personal favourite if i've done something daft or an inanimate object is annoying me

I used to say Fish a lot when the Kids were young. 

I'm a lady, I never swear

It's an old Scottish phrase, I believe. 

when directed at a bloke...  "cock" tends to be the word that I utter!

bollocks is one of my fave words! 

Occasionally while cycling through a particular village some idiot car driver will approach at well over the speed limit. My natural rection is to shout a particular word which Mrs Jer maintains can't be lip-read. I have to steal myself to use a particular word which can be lip-read even though it's use is grammatically wrong under those circumstances. However it did encourage one driver to stop earlier this year. That's the problem see. Not only do they think that cars have the right of way, but they think that they are harder than a cyclist. We know that's not the case and that in fact they have a small squeaky penis.

I swear in another language, but unfortunately my kids have all picked up on this and it can be a little embarrassing in multi-cultural events!

I must admit to saying . .

For Flip's Sake !!!

oooohhh - teach me!  teach me!  

here's one Kaff 

cote ( koti )	dick	(80%)      (20%)
cote ti ( koti t )	dickhead

And a condom is called a 'koti sock' 

I must admit to stifling a giggle when my toddlers are repeating me at the back of the car, usually aimed at arsey London cyclists 

It would be b*stard out of that lot... but my fave profanity is w@nker...  when someone pisses me off   If I am especially narky, I do call them a c-word, but it is rare and it is almost always when nobody is in earshot.

haha  - thanks Suze   is it pronounced to rhyme with  cot or coat?

Cot.....and then a long Eeeeeee (the longer the better ) 

Gotcha!      I'll start impressing people with my multi lingual cursing now... 

Hmmm, and in what country should I avoid discussing the Cutty Sark, if you don't mind me asking? 

*nods*

I have an exceptionally foul mouth when I'm annoyed

I've been trying to wean myself off the expletives though ever since I was telling the ref what I thought of him at an Arsenal game and the old boy in front of me who's been watching Arsenal for 50 years turned round and said. "Cor Darling, you aint half got a potty mouth"

Now when some old boy who can turn the air blue himself is pulling you up on your language you know it's time to sort yourself out

Patois always brings a smile to my chops, too

you either played a lot of card games with them or  sent them down the chippy for dinner?

Oh yeah! There's some proper fruity words and phrases in patois 

Breeding in a hot place meant for bad people..but I use the real words..

Same here. My daughter picked it up and does it as well.

FIH?

Got it in one....

B'stard is one I use regularly...but annoying sales calls usually get the full eff orf or go away and wee wee

I normally deal with them in a sharp but polite manner then let the abuse out when I swear to myself after coming off the phone