If I felt like I was just being invited to make up numbers because some others had failed to turn up, then I wouldn't go.

Yeah, I'd say stuff em too!  Afterthought....no way! 

Noooo I wouldn't go, your not beg-a-friend.  She should have invited you properly if she had wanted you.

Don't go!!!

Definitely an afterthough...   and, how hurtful!!   and rude!!

I know your kids are older than the little girl..   but they still should have invited you initially (even if they tagged a "there's not much for your girls to do here though, they might find it a bit boring" type thing on the end of it)

Don't make up an excuse either.    Just say you've just cleared up the dinner things and are about to put your feet up and watch some telly, but thank you for the offer.. 

Thank you, you guys... I do appreciate the answers...  I asked on another forum I go on and 3 peeps I speak to said the same, what an afterthought!!!  and only ONE said, well at least she invited you.. go and have a good time... but it was an hour and a half in FFS!

Ditty, it was my hubby who answered the door, so I didn't even see her... and actually DO feel a bit peeved at being asked ninety minutes in!

Don't go - simple

You're a convenient after thought

You can shout your thank you, but no thank you, over the fence 

Go out into the garden and steep your feet in a bucket of hot water

When she asked you over - point to the bucket and say you're busy

No i wouldnt go, and would just say...if you had asked me a lot earlier i could have made arrangements................x

That's better than my bucket idea

After you do wot SkyLark says ... you THEN go and steep ya bunions in ya garden

Its called a Double Whammy

Thanks again peeps.  I just looked over the fence out of the bedroom window and there is her mom and  hubby and hubby's brother and 2 neighbours incl Lisa, and about 3 kids as well as Laila, so not many.  And it does strike me that she only decided to ask because at least 4 or 5 people didn't come!  I mean, if it had been an hour before it started, at least my hubby would have come for an hour, but FFS, it was half six: he had just finished tea and was getting ready for work!  I feel quite annoyed. 

Sparkles - stand tall and proud !!!

I mean "hide" if she knocks on the door

Alternatively if she knocks on yer door - get one of your kids old dolls - put its head in a pan - hand it to her and tell her to go boil her head

Dont let them get to you sparkles 

And have a lovely party and dont invite them

^^^THAT is genius !!! ^^^

nowt as devious as a woman scorned

Great idea.

 . . . and then urinate on her gladioli

Aww, it's OK, I won't.    We get on OK, and she is all right and all, and so is the girl on the other side of me.  They knew each other for five years before I moved in and were friends before I knew them.  Lisa - the other girl, has invited us to a few things; kids party, new years and her 40th; all at her house.  But Caroline never has... but that is ok: she is my neighbour, not a BFF, and I don't expect anything.  And I have 3 close friends who live 5 to 10 miles away....  But to not invite me (yesterday) and then come round an hour and a half into it, seemed like pretty bad etiquette to me.  

I cannot fathom WHY she came at that point and asked us.  As I said, she spoke to my hubby anyway and not me.  I was in the kitchen and didn't answer the door.  I didn't know it was her til he came back from the hall.  

Yes it was a bit bad mannered if nothing else. I try not to fall out with neighbours if i can help it, dont like the bad atmosphere it brings. But that doesnt mean that they can treat you badly, and think its ok. x

Barbeques are rubbish anyway Sparkles.

Well for me they are AND our 2 daughters; we don't eat meat!  

OK, this is moderately amusing...  two people left a few minutes ago, with their kiddie (a neighbour,) and I just went upstairs for the loo, and looked out of the bedroom window (slyly) and the OTHERS are getting up and saying 'anyway, thanks for the grub, and happy birthday Laila... Bye all'  And most of the few who are there didn't come til between six fifteen and to quarter to seven. So it's 8.30pm, and they're all leaving!  Oh dear.    See if she had invited me and my hubby and kids, we would have stayed til the end.  

I saw Lisa (who she went to the playbarn with the other day with their kids,) go round at 6.15 to drop Laila's pressie off and then she came back after about 20 minutes.  Not sure if she was invited or not.  I would've thought if she was, that she would have gone at 5 when it started, and not at a quarter past six for 20 minutes.  It's all very puzzling!

Get your arse outside - now . . . and shout

"Anyone fancy a sausage??"

Oh yes, I would hate to fall out with anyone, and quite honestly, I don't think this has the potential to turn into a fall out, because she literally didn't invite me/my family anyway.  She came around at half six, when the 'party' started at five, and saw my husband and said 'do you fancy popping around for an hour, we're having a barbecue?'  And he said 'sorry we have just had tea and I have work soon and all that..but I will tell the missus.'

SO I would have thought she shouldn't be surprised that we didn't go.  I won't hold it against her, but at the same time; I am not going to make any excuse for not going.  I won't mention it, as she didn't ask me at any point.  If she DOES bring some cake around, I will say thank you and did you have a nice get together and if she says she came and asked, I will say... oh yes, hubby said you came at about 25 minutes to seven, but we were just finishing tea and he had work at 8 and the girls were going out and before I knew it, it was after 8 o clock. 

If she DOES come around with cake

You take a nibbble then say "Nah" and hand it back

Alternatively you could take the cake

Shove it down her cleavage and say,

"Sling yer hook, sponge tits" 

  ROFL!

Thank you so much everyone.  I really really did appreciate all the input and all the help you gave me.  Everybody thought the same as me, that we should not have felt obliged to go, and that it was bad etiquette and quite rude, to ask us an hour and a half in, when she COULD have invited us yesterday when I took Laila's gift around!.....  But as I said, there is no reason why it would cause an issue, because we are not going to hold it against her, and she didn't invite us in the first place anyway!  

Night night.  Gotta go now.  Ta-ta..  And thank you all again!  

Goodnight sparkles x

Bye Skylark and take care everyone.    It's been quiet next door for half an hour now.  Everyone long gone...

Party would have been a success had you been there, their loss  x

would it matter to the child if you went or not?  

if you not being there makes no diff to the child then i wouldn't bother going.

I know I'm too late but just for the record....

She was insensitive but probably not being intentionally rude; she should know better though.

You have a valid enough reason for not attending.  Also, your reasons are easy enough to gloss over without causing an argument or fall out (should she ask why you didn't attend).

She's a silly girl for not appreciating your kindness towards her child by inviting you from the start.

Yep! 

Get a For Sale sign up.

Let her read between the lines.