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Heres a bit of back ground as to why im feeling the way i am


I have suffered from depression since I was 15. I was only diagnosed at 21. At the time I was just starting to go through a complete mental breakdown. The day I was prescribed antidepressants, I didn't have the money to pay for the prescription so I kept the prescription in my bag ready for pay day when I could afford them. That night I was involved in a car crash in which the car flooded. I don’t know what happened to my prescription, I can only assume it floated away. The next day I was again at the doctors after my mum called them to say she wanted to have me sectioned. The doctors sent me straight to the local mental health hospital to be interviewed. At this stage I was still thinking straight and knew I had to convince these people I was ok and not a danger to myself or I would be staying there till they felt I was ok. And so I convinced this guy and his assistant i was fine and I left after a few hours. That night after another heated row with my parents who I was living with at the time, I took a overdose. I ended up in hospital for 4 days on a drip.


Once I returned home there was no improvement in my mental state but I had realised the overdose was a mistake and I would actually like to try and get better. I didn't return to the doctors, instead I decided the first thing to do was change everything in my life that I felt was making me unhappy. That was everything from moving out my parents home, finding a new job, leaving my current bank, getting over an ex, and reconnecting with family and friends that I had lost touch with or drifted apart from. I cant even begin to describe how difficult this was but I managed it and I gained a lot of self respect back knowing that I had managed to at least start turning my life around and that I was fighting depression and I was determined not to let it drag me down. I had my good days and my bad day and I pretty much remained suicidal for about 6 months, but I took each day as it came and slowly I started to feel a little better.


That was 3 years ago and in those 3 years iv gotten to know my depression well. I recognise certain triggers that set off my depression so I do all I can to avoid them. But even on the days when it just takes over, I have learned to ride it out. I have also managed to do this without anyone who didn’t know previously finding out. I think people can be very judgemental when it comes to depression. Anyway the problem recently seems to be iv lost my fighting spirit. There is a lot of things going on in my life at the moment that are up in the air and it scares me that im not going to be able to cope if/when it all comes crashing down. Its hard to explain how im feeling at the mo but I feel fine/normal when im at work or with friends and family, but the second I am on my own my mood comes crashing down. I dont want to see or speak to anyone. All I want to do is curl up in bed in the hope this feeling will go away. Obviously it’s not working. I spoke to the doctor recently, explained how I felt but also that it would mean more to me to get better without the help of antidepressants so there was not a lot he could do for me except to say if I felt things were not improving the option of antidepressants is always there.


Basically im torn. At first it wasn't a descion not to take antidepressants but as time went on and I felt I was taking control of my own life, I decided it would be better for me to manage my own depression. But now I feel deflated. Do I hang on in there in the hope I start feeling back to my normal strong self, or start taking antidepressants knowing they are no short term solution and I could be on them for years to come?

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Reference:
I spoke to the doctor recently, explained how I felt but also that it would mean more to me to get better without the help of antidepressants so there was not a lot he could do for me except to say if I felt things were not improving the option of antidepressants is always there.
Change your doctor cos just shoving meds down your neck is a quick fix option but wont help you in the long run. From what I have been told, running away and making drastic changes in the hope it will improve things is one of the most common things to do but is not making you face up to what the core of the problem is. If that were me I'd ask to be referred for counselling, it might not be easy cos you might have to revisit things from your past that are painful, but it's up to you. Hope you get things sorted soon x
Karma_
Reference:
.....Do I hang on in there in the hope I start feeling back to my normal strong self, or start taking antidepressants knowing they are no short term solution and...

Well.....except that's exactly what they are.  Short term saver.  Odd thing to say.

On the other hand, yeah.  Internet says take 'em.  So do it.  Your doctor knows shit all. 
bateman
I would take the advice of your Doctor and take them. Get some more information on the whys and whats about what they do, how they help.
Understanding what they do to you helped me.

Don't think i'm going to be on them for ever, think day to day.
See how they help after a three months. With the advice of the doctor. ANY fears and questions write down and give them to your doctor. go through ANYTHING you want to know. If you need to change doctors, do so. They  can offer councilling .
Its your body, your life.




and a massive
Ev (Peachy)
Karma i am aware of what is at the core of all this. Its not something i can change or do anything about. Its something i just have to deal with. Im not sure councilling would help but i did actually put my name down for it. By the time my name was at the top of the waiting list (about a year later) i felt i had control of my emotions.


Evelyn i know that antidepressants have something to do with chemicals in the brain. I cant remember if they help produce them or get rid of the chemicals that get rid of the happy chemicals. I am not saying this wouldnt be a good thing but up until recently my emotions had been steady. I think i was doing a good job of keeping a positive attitude so i dont think my body is having trouble producing or keeping the happy chemicals if that make sense.
Sexy_Kelly
I was on anti depressants for almost a year -no they didn't make the problems go  away. What they did was to replace the serotonin in my brain that I had lost due to a very very bad few years.I was irrational, I was emotional - I was not the person I used to be at all.

They helped me get clarity and controlled my mood so I was able to deal with the stressors that had caused my depression.
In my case, like you. it was a complete shedding of my old life and a rebuild. Not easy at 45!
I still have a way to go but I am no longer on them. I would however have no hesitation taking them again if I needed them.

The feeling of being completely overwhelmed by life is not one I want to feel again.
Well done for what you have achieved so far.  I would have no hesitation in taking them Kelly and get some counselling as well.

Good luck xxx
FM
Reference:
Karma i am aware of what is at the core of all this. Its not something i can change or do anything about. Its something i just have to deal with. Im not sure councilling would help but i did actually put my name down for it. By the time my name was at the top of the waiting list (about a year later) i felt i had control of my emotions.

Being aware of it is one thing, but addressing it (or issues) and really having to rake through them is another. No, you can't change the past, but a painful experience can stay with you for ever and sit there like a bubbling volcano and the pain from that can come out in so many different ways. Honestly, you're only in your 20's (I think?) and I would really advise you to investigate counselling as an option cos just 'getting on top of the emotions and feeling good again' is not going to help you in the long run mate. It's like pushing things repeatedly under the carpet, but things will still be there.

I wasn't saying 'not' to take the AD's, I was just shaking my head at your doctor who just prescribed them without offering any other avenues, especially cos of your history. So many docs prescribe these things at a whim and don't offer any of the other brilliant services that are available. Anti D's do help once they have had time to adjust and work to lift your mood and stabilize things, but they do not address the cause of your depression, and that's what you need to get to and talk through with someone qualified who can work with you on an individual basis. It's like putting a bandage on a damaged ankle, helps to support the problem but isn't solving it and that's what Anti D's do. I take them myself so am well aware of their benefits, but have done a lot of work on the therapy side of things too, wish I'd done it years ago. xx
Karma_
Reference:
Evelyn i know that antidepressants have something to do with chemicals in the brain. I cant remember if they help produce them or get rid of the chemicals that get rid of the happy chemicals. I am not saying this wouldnt be a good thing but up until recently my emotions had been steady. I think i was doing a good job of keeping a positive attitude so i dont think my body is having trouble producing or keeping the happy chemicals if that make sense.
 Its a hard one.. hmm, when we have days where we think, hold on, i'm coping here, and feel quite ok, I'm dealing with things, then we think yes, im strong i can overcome anything, i can stay positive.

Then we get days were the world can close in, negatives everywhere, gloomy thoughts and worse. Then we think maybe i should do something else... need extra support through medication/professional services as well as family and friend help.


When they bad days outweight  or are as often as the good ones, or when they FEEL as if they do, then please think about speaking to someone else for more advice and support.

I went to and fro for years, and thought i was strong enough, i became stronger when i asked for help.
A good doctor once told me, that it can effect certain personality types more than others, people who have more sensitive personalities.... also that they likened anti depressants to a plug stopping your good feelings escaping ( I had a mental picture of a plug in my skull )

Whatever we say about yes take them.. nooo don't, YOU will make that decision eventually, you will not be weak for asking for mediation, in fact the opposite.

Its not a life sentence... it can help you improve life, with added support, family /friends/ escapism (as we do when on here or reading or taking our minds away from negatives)

On another point, there are various anti D to take, one will suit you more, again on docs advice, also you can take herbal treatments from health shops etc if your adament you don't want to go down this road



xx
Ev (Peachy)
I agree with Karma's posts.

A good doctor will suggest that you talk with one of the mental health specialists. I know that in my local NHS trust, there is a team of such specialists who visit the various practices on a regular basis. They see the patients and advide the doctors on a suitable plan of action. It may be anti-depressants, it may be counselling, it may be a combination.

If your doctor is not able to offer such a service, then they should and I would look for another practice which does. It may be worth your while looking at what mental health facilities are offered from your trust - and I am talking about facilities other than residential.

Whatever you do, do not just buy antidepressants over the internet. There are dozens of them with differing effects and differing strengths, so it is essential to get specialist advice.

I have had major problems with depression leading to a full scale breakdown resulting in a 2-3 month stay in hospital. So I have some idea as to the services.
El Loro

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