They're against everyone. I bluddy hate them.

I've only ever used them once to pay for some chocolate doughnuts, sweets, crisps and drink in ASDA and it was enough to put me off.

Unexpected item in the bagging area!

I refuse to use them. If I'm giving my custom (and my money) to Tesco or M&S, the least they can do is serve me.
If we all used those things, they'd be able to sack most of their staff.

FILTH!

That's how I feel about them, Deman. They are so impersonal, I want to be served by a real person.

I think we're entitled to expect that, yogi, if we're giving them our money. Tesco is the most successful company in the UK - and they now expect us to do some of their work for them, for the privilege of shopping there?

Exactly!

I love em... shorter queues, no getting stuck behind someone chatting to the cashier Only work if you have a a handful of things though, not a trolley load

Please collect your change - notes are dispensed below the scanner.

Annoying when you get some noob in front of you and it takes 10 minutes for him to scan 2 items.

When we did supermarket shopping in the States (Florida) I was very impressed.  If you try to pack your own shopping you get told off by the checkout staff (that's my job!) and they take your shopping to the car for you, now that's the way to do it!

Oh god, I HATE it when the staff try to pack my bags Squiggle... they always do it wrong Eggs underneath the 2 pint carton of milk?!

I prefer to wait in a queue (given the option)... especially if the check-out girl is fit!

I always ask them to put my groceries through slowly as I cant pack fast,I am the person behind me nightmare

So it's you who holds the queue up

I don't want them packing my stuff either - but I do expect them to scan it, and sort out my change.

Oh I hate them. I hate them!

The woman gets all pissed off with me. Insert cash or select payment type. (start rummaging for purse) Insert cash or select payment type (scrabble around looking for money) INSERT CASH OR SELECT PAYMENT TYPE (I'm bloody trying!!!!!) Argggggggh

I can identify with that! The i pull a battered, screwed up note out that it spits back out at me anyway

Aye! Thats happened to me a few times DID

And the amount of times I have had to 'wait for assistance' Once was even because the muff that delivers the milk had accidentally delivered Morrisons milk to Asda and it wouldn't scan and she was getting all annoyed with me

I hate machines that talk back to me

She does get very impatient doesn't she....permanent PMT

I am a big fan of the Honesty Box.

I hate them,if you have a bottle of wine you need to call an assistant or weighing stuff etc.
I suppose they are okay for basic bits of shopping you can scan.Our Asda states 20 items max.

I have never plucked up courage to try them... maybe I should add them to my New Year resolutions

SS checkouts are great!  I always use them if I want to buy a copy of Gay Times or loads of cakes or something else I'm vaguely embarrassed about. 

They should let you select from a range of voices, like on a Tom Tom or something.  They could have Julian Clary and Anne Robinson [1] and stuff! 

[1] "You are the weakest link, goodbye!  And thank you for shopping at Tescos."

But you run the risk of something not scanning properly - and the loud alert drawing extra attention to your basket of goodies

Yes, it would be great if you could select a voice for the checkout like Darth Vader, Mr T, Joe Pasquale, Stevie B or Mrs Merton.

Stevie B?
Imagine if it did a running commentary over your purchases as well. Bottle of wine? "Say the 12-step prayer with me, brother.."

It nearly did that when I tried to sneak a CD of JLS through,  The assistant has to check it's not got a security tag.  Luckily, it didn't shout: "Embarrassing CD in the bagging area".

I can't stand if when it doesn't think you've put it in the bag!! Also agree it will lessen jobs. My husband - and my friends husbands after talking to them - love them!! However my hubby is really slow scanning them and I have to grab them off him - I used to work there so i can do it much quicker lol

Loathe as I am to enter these establishments in the first place, I do agree with you. I'd prefer at least SOME of their profits to go on wages paid to real people who offer a service.
Then again, I wouldn't let supermarkets sell half the goods that they do.

  Is it only me who replies to everything it says?

I have been known to thanks the cash machine after it's dispensed my money!

It's just good manners.

I also find it useful to tell it very sternly that NO there is not an unexpected item in the bagging area ..... it's just my scarf gently brushing against the bags. Seems to work a treat.

I talk to the SatNav... and put my thumb up to her!

She'll say "in 0.8 miles keep right"
I reply "ok... will do"
She'll say "entering roundabout"
Me - *does  in her general direction*

& i am not even being sarcastic!

Oh... and when i ignore her advice and don't take the next turning (she is determined to send me to Maldon.. I have no idea why)... and she tersely says "recalculating"   I say a humble "sorry"

At least you're in the privacy of your own car. Duds hisses at me when I talk to the Tesco self serve checkout.

Poor Duds!

He should do what Ickle does (when our shopping contains anything relating to 'womens stuff'  

she sprints through the checkout and goes and waits on the seats a few aisles down...