Rant about my dad....again

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Darthhoob

today was my eldest son's 8th birthday, so we were going to go to the local themepark, with the family and have a picnic and basically have a nice day...wether was ok, not great but dry and not raining! lol!
my eldest brother (BB1) was going to pick my dad and other brother (BB2) up, bring them here then all go to the park. when BB1, his GF and my dad turned up i asked where BB2 was and dad said "i dunno he's like a f'ing zombie these days never talks to me..not seen him all morning, dont know if he was coming..he's not come downstairs"....my dad and BB2 live in the SAME house ffs! why couldn't he shout up the stairs? or you know...communicate?? BB1 just assumed he wasn't coming as dad just got into the car and said BB2 wasn't at the time.

well...my OH, being outside of the family blood lines gets fed up of my dad moaning (as does BB1's GF lol) and so asked him why he didn't talk to BB2, yet moans he doesn't talk to him...and jokingly said he should bang their heads together.
5 mins later...we realised dad wasn't in the house (we thought he was in the loo..as usual)...he'd only gone and walked out in a huff

without saying a word to ANYONE. we then spent the half hour worrying about him as we couldn't find him, then OH found him, whilst looking for him in the car. he was walking away and kept swearing at my OH telling him to f off and saying we dont want him there and how the day would be better without him...OH stopped 4 times and tried to get him back...apologising for upsetting him and to come back for the sake of my son...but he wasn't having any of it....so he gave up and came back.

luckily my son was too engrossed in his DSi to notice the drama (a good thing about his AS i spose), but he was upset that grandad wasn't there at the theme park...which was cut short by 2 hours because of this palava

least we hd more picnic food to go around though

i'm SO angry with him. he is 66, not 6... he slags us all off to eachother and doesn't like it when someone says something to him about it, he is forever calling my brother names because he spends most of his time at home in his room..but who can blame him when dad is like that?? and the swearing in front of my kids too

sorry for rant...feel better now

Replies sorted oldest to newest

lalMember

......Families...cant live with em...cant live without them....x

3/28/1012:44 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

My dad is an arse as well Hoob!

3/28/101:16 PM

CroctacusMember

I told mine t F*** off and didn't speak to him in the lat 7 years off his life....couldn't be doing woth pussyfooting round him

3/28/101:41 PM

Ensign MufMember

Reference:Dirtyprettygirlthing

My dad is an arse as well Hoob!

Can I just point out that not all Dads are 'arses'....... Maybe something in childbirth turns a perfectly normal man into an Arse

3/28/101:45 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

Muf!

I know not all Dads are arses... but mine truly is!

3/28/102:04 PM

Ensign MufMember

Reference:Dirtyprettygirlthing

I know not all Dads are arses... but mine truly is!

Lol
On reflection Ditty, I think being an 'arse' is a requirement of the job

3/28/102:13 PM

liverbirdMember 10 years

Aww glad you feel better for the rant

How selfish of him!

3/28/102:13 PM

liverbirdMember 10 years

Reference:

I think being an 'arse' is a requirement of the job

My Dad is truly lovely patient and very laid back!

3/28/102:14 PM

Ensign MufMember

Reference:

My Dad is truly lovely patient and very laid back!

Lol
Just asked my daughter and apparently (at the second time of asking

) so am I

3/28/102:20 PM

Smarting ButtocksMember

My Dad is not an arse but my BB2 is definitely one.

3/28/102:36 PM

Ensign MufMember

Reference:Smarting Buttocks

My Dad is not an arse but my BB2 is definitely one.

Lol
Being a Dad and a BB, I'm beginning to take this thread personally

3/28/102:40 PM

DarthhoobMember

BBs are great! usually lol. i get on with mine, we were all close to my mum...she was the referee in the house. now the job seems to have been given to me since she died and i can't be arsed with it. they are 3 grown men ffs (66, 42 and 40). thing is we all have problems since mum died, one BB had bulemia shortly after she died, and a month later became diabetic (runs in family)..and is missing her greatly. my other BB is gay but not come out (because of dad) took drugs and drinks too much since mum died (he doesn't do the drugs now, and doesn't drink as much, but he went through a period where he did)...and me...i have social anxiety and depression and struggle with a SEN child a toddler and newborn AND i'm expected to look after them too (well... dad, the BBs dont expect it, they just dont like to talk to dad much).

instead of acknowledging we all have problems, dad just goes on about his and moans about how we are all disfunctional and what he has to put up with...behind our backs ofc! too big a coward to say it to your face. i told him recently i was going to a stress management course and he said to me "what the F you got to be stressed about, are you teaching them or something"

told him i was going to get a bigger car and he says "what so you can fill it by having more kids"

nasty old man

3/28/103:02 PM

Former Member

I think that your dad was right when he said the day would be better without him!

3/28/103:51 PM

DemantoidMember

Hooby

Grandad sounds as much of a pain in the arse as my mother.
I'm no longer speaking to her, because she spent the week before my recent operation sending me emails about how her and my stepdad were getting divorced, how she'd seen solicitors, etc - all of which made me worry needlessly at a time when I already had enough on my mind, because it turned out to be bollox and they'd just had a tiff.

Then on the day of my op itself, I didn't hear a word from her. Not that day, or the next. I finally checked my inbox and found an email from her saying 'hope it went ok'.
Typical of her - I'm supposed to be on hand to listen to whatever selfish crap she wants to offload on me, but get no support in return. She's been doing it for years, and making me out to be a lousy daughter at the same time.

I emailed her back to tell her what I thought of her, and haven't spoken to her since. Don't care if I ever do again.

3/29/101:13 AM

Garage JoeMember

Does your Dad have a partner? Does he feel swamped by his family? (or maybe he feels he wants to control it) He sounds a little insecure.

3/29/101:32 AM

angelicarwenMember

Reference: Ditty

My dad is an arse as well Hoob!

Mine too! I haven't seen him in 8 years

And I'm only 24

3/29/104:40 AM

MrMincePieMember

Don't even get me started on mine

Alot of people say he is similar to frank gallagher... though he does make me chuckle with some of the crap he comes out with.

3/29/104:47 AM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

[Demantoid] Demantoid offline 8047 Forum Posts Today at 01:13 (Last Edited: Hooby Grandad sounds as much of a pain in the arse as my mother. I'm no longer speaking to her, because she spent the week before my recent operation sending me emails about how her and my stepdad were getting divorced, how she'd seen solicitors, etc - all of which made me worry needlessly at a time when I already had enough on my mind, because it turned out to be bollox and they'd just had a tiff. Then on the day of my op itself, I didn't hear a word from her. Not that day, or the next. I finally checked my inbox and found an email from her saying 'hope it went ok'. Typical of her - I'm supposed to be on hand to listen to whatever selfish crap she wants to offload on me, but get no support in return. She's been doing it for years, and making me out to be a lousy daughter at the same time. I emailed her back to tell her what I thought of her, and haven't spoken to her since. Don't care if I ever do again.

ohhh she sounds like him

i dont want to cut dad from my life, i feel "sorry" for him...but he only has himself to blame...we did fall out this time last year because of something HE did...(there was a thread then too lmao) and i made the effort to patch it up...now he's gone and done it again, though it's not as bad this time....dunno if i should try and patch it up or leave him to it

garage joe he doesn't feel swamped, he is CONSTANTLY complaining to me he doesn't hear from my two brothers...and he lives with one of them. he's always been like this, nasty and then didn't understand why we dont like to talk to him (though we do! just not enough for his liking)..difference is back then he had mum to whinge to at least...not that she stood for it LOL

3/29/104:55 AM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

[angelicarwen] angelicarwen online 3025 Forum Posts Today at 04:40 (Last Edited: Reference: Ditty My dad is an arse as well Hoob! Mine too! I haven't seen him in 8 years And I'm only 24

who is frank gallagher?

lol i am out of touch

3/29/104:57 AM

Blizz'ardMember 10 years

Reference: Darth

who is frank gallagher?

Shameless.

3/29/105:02 AM

Garage JoeMember

Reference:

Fair enough! I just wondered. Sorry

3/29/105:11 AM

~Lee~Member

Aww Darthy....I could be wrong but it seems your mum was the strong link that held the family chain together,now she's passed away the males are struggling without her and you're being left to take the load....You've a family off your own Darth so it's impossible that you can see to their needs and fill the void for your dad and brothers,sorry but it would come with too high a price for you imo.

3/29/105:19 AM

DemantoidMember

Reference: Hooby

ohhh she sounds like him i dont want to cut dad from my life, i feel "sorry" for him...but he only has himself to blame...we did fall out this time last year because of something HE did...(there was a thread then too lmao) and i made the effort to patch it up...now he's gone and done it again, though it's not as bad this time....dunno if i should try and patch it up or leave him to it garage joe he doesn't feel swamped, he is CONSTANTLY complaining to me he doesn't hear from my two brothers...and he lives with one of them. he's always been like this, nasty and then didn't understand why we dont like to talk to him (though we do! just not enough for his liking)..difference is back then he had mum to whinge to at least...not that she stood for it LOL

Sounds familiar

You have my sympathies, you really do.

It's a real grind to have to keep mending fences and making the first move after a selfish parent has hurt your feelings once again - hats off to you for still being up to the challenge.
I no longer am!

3/29/105:21 AM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

[Blizzie] Blizzie offline 11159 Forum Posts Today at 05:02 (Last Edited: Reference: Darth who is frank gallagher? Shameless.

ohhhhh

most of my cousins seem to be like him! always fun when they get married (bout the only time i see them)

3/29/106:27 AM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

[Garage Joe] Garage Joe offline 6053 Forum Posts Today at 05:11 (Last Edited: Reference: garage joe he doesn't feel swamped, he is CONSTANTLY complaining to me he doesn't hear from my two brothers...and he lives with one of them. he's always been like this, nasty and then didn't understand why we dont like to talk to him (though we do! just not enough for his liking)..difference is back then he had mum to whinge to at least...not that she stood for it LOL Fair enough! I just wondered. Sorry

sorry, didn't mean to sound like i was snappy

i wasn't but my posts probably come out looking that way atm
basically he is lonely, he is a good advert for not being a twat in your youth if you want family close when your older. we've all tried, we bend over backwards for him. been doing his house up for him recently, putting shelves and wallpaper up, taking things to dump, getting council sorted to give him new bathroom and kitchen (first time since he moved in over 40 years ago) so he'd feel more at home...pfft.

i feel...sorry for him, but i've spent years excusing him

3/29/106:31 AM

Garage JoeMember

No! I'm sorry! There is obviously a lot of material that I have missed in the past.

3/29/106:33 AM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

[Demantoid] Demantoid offline 8049 Forum Posts Today at 05:21 (Last Edited: Reference: Hooby ohhh she sounds like him i dont want to cut dad from my life, i feel "sorry" for him...but he only has himself to blame...we did fall out this time last year because of something HE did...(there was a thread then too lmao) and i made the effort to patch it up...now he's gone and done it again, though it's not as bad this time....dunno if i should try and patch it up or leave him to it garage joe he doesn't feel swamped, he is CONSTANTLY complaining to me he doesn't hear from my two brothers...and he lives with one of them. he's always been like this, nasty and then didn't understand why we dont like to talk to him (though we do! just not enough for his liking)..difference is back then he had mum to whinge to at least...not that she stood for it LOL Sounds familiar You have my sympathies, you really do. It's a real grind to have to keep mending fences and making the first move after a selfish parent has hurt your feelings once again - hats off to you for still being up to the challenge. I no longer am!

i dunno if i am, it would be better for me to do what you did, but it wont be better for him...dunno if i could live with the 'guilt' of leaving him to it...we want to move to essex, nearer my OH's family, but cos of my eldest's education we've got to stay put atm, so i try and make it so the kids will have a family and see their relatives...something i didn't when growing up cos my dad and his brothers and sisters all hated eachother

3/29/106:45 AM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

[~Lee~] ~Lee~ offline 2294 Forum Posts Today at 05:19 (Last Edited: Aww Darthy....I could be wrong but it seems your mum was the strong link that held the family chain together,now she's passed away the males are struggling without her and you're being left to take the load....You've a family off your own Darth so it's impossible that you can see to their needs and fill the void for your dad and brothers,sorry but it would come with too high a price for you imo.

she was the glue of the family, the referee. and she did everything for dad...and even now all he does is complain he did everything for her

3/29/106:49 AM

DemantoidMember

In the end, I suppose you have to weigh up whether the hassle is worth it. If not becoming estranged from your dad is more important, then you'll have to grit your teeth and put up with all his griping.
I wish you luck..

3/29/108:13 AM

Soozy WooMember

Such a sad post .................you really do look to your parents to be the mature and caring members of the family. Unfortunately it's not always the case for various circumstances ....maybe after losing his wife he also lost his way.
My husband is a far, far better grandad than he was father (not that he was really bad) it just seems that he's finally got the concept - when his own kids were small he was often too busy at work or doing his own thing.
I do think that we expect our parents to be perfect and know all the answers ................the truth is - we are all learning/adjusting to what life throws at us right up until the end.

3/29/102:47 PM

DarthhoobMember

well, i have no dad anymore

oh well...

3/31/104:30 PM

Former Member

Reference:

well, i have no dad anymore

What???

3/31/104:42 PM

DarthhoobMember

he disowned me cos i stuck by what my OH said

3/31/104:47 PM

Former Member

Reference:

he disowned me cos i stuck by what my OH said

FGS!

Will he come round???

3/31/104:50 PM

DarthhoobMember

nah. my OH is trying to sort it out but i've told him not to bother...not after the text he sent me last night. he's not going to change he doesn't want to...he's ben a twat all our lives so why change now. he can die lonely seeing as that's his goal

4/1/106:27 AM

DarthhoobMember

"u do not need 2 make any effort i will not allow anybody 2 talk 2 me in that manner and if u think that it was my fault then it just shows how biased u r i cannot continue having rows that r no fault of mine so the best thing we can do is 2 keep away from each other ta ta"

i only asked him if he would like to explain why he made my son and me very upset on my son's birthday...or if he's waiting for me to make the effort again

(after not hearing from him since then)

4/1/106:32 AM

DemantoidMember

Oh, Hooby

Sounds a LOT like my mother, who will never admit she's wrong either, but always expected me to fall into line and apologise to her, whatever she'd said or done.
My OH tried to intervene as well, this time, and she came out with some old bollocks about how I'd "upset" her at Christmas.
It backfired, because she forgot he'd been there as well and the pair of us (stone cold sober because of the drive home) had watched her drink half a bottle of vodka and then made our excuses and left when she - predictably - started picking on me!

4/1/106:43 AM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

I think he's done you a favour Hoob... his loss... you've tried... lose him!

4/1/109:19 AM

liverbirdMember 10 years

I agree with DPT

4/1/102:23 PM

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