Ignore her or tell her how you feel.

Ask her if she fancies you.

I'd go with a direct approach Sheryl. Ask her what she's up to. Tell her how it makes you feel.

Or give her a taste of her own medicine...........

Drop kick her across the office and tell her she should have realised your mood was aggressive today.

Give her a biscuit.........

tell her you are there to talk if she needs it as she clearly has low self esteem

You can either ignore her and she might get bored with what she is doing, or  you call her into an office and have it out with her.  That would probably be the best thing to do - clear the air.  If it doesn't and it continues - deck her

hahahaha I remember that dilemma 


hee hee 

Thanks for your advice so far everyone. I am not sure whether I should say anything at all, as I might be being paranoid. Also it is a very cliquey office and I have only been there 3 months, so am still in the 'newbie' stage where I am want to be accepted and liked by everyone, and am worried about being ostracised if I say or do the wrong thing :-(

Thanks suzy........

One of the highlights on C4 forum........glad you remembered too.

Sheryl  It doesn`t sound like you`re being paranoid but I don`t know. If you continue to feel the same...is there a supervisor you can talk to, you know, someone who wouldn`t tell the rest of the office about your concerns?

Lal  
Sheryl, I'm sorry but from what you've said, I don't see an obvious problem. It sounds like your colleague is being friendly (overly in your opinion), and is picking up on your nerves. At least she is taking an interest in you, and appears to be including you in office life. If you don't like her, then it could be a clash of personalities...in which case, may be you should give her more of a chance.

It sounds like Mario and Ben Mario being the weird work colleague

So which one is weird in this instance shizzle? Me or my colleague?

Suzybean maybe you are right. I am nervous in the office sometimes, but more so with her. There are some people that I can relax with and talk to without feeling aggrieved, paranoid and observed. I am not too keen on her character so it could just be a clash of personalities.
Perhaps she is being friendly, but for some reason I just detect a hint of subtle/sly maliciousness in her behaviour towards me. It's upseting and affects my working day so I really need to do something about it but just don't know what to do for the best :-(

Scotty I am a PA so report directly to the Director of the office, who would be far too busy to entertain my problem, which may be all in my head :-(

sounds like she is Sheryl i worked with a lady before who was very strange it was a small office and she used to sit opposite and stare at me i was only 18 and it really unnerved me she didn't work there long thank god but it was horrible going to work



Could you speak to anyone?

Did she ever speak to you Shizzle?

Murder.

Go to her desk, invade her personal space, then look directly at her, and ask her to go for a cup of coffee after work if she says no to this then tell her that you'd like 5 minutes of her time at work.

Then you tell her you's like to have quiet word with her, when you do speak her, tell her in very calm no nonsense fashion, how you fee and that her attitude toward you is not professinal, and you's like her to think about your working relationship and how she can improve things between you.

yes but we had a dispute about something to do with work and after that she just went strange there was an horrible atmosphere and it was just horrible


why don't you just ask if everythings ok? and confront her in a nice way

Wow Senora, that is a very up front thing to do. Don't think I have the confidence to follow that advice through.

I am a quiet, insecure, introverted occasionally nervous person. She on the other hand is bubbly, chatty and outgoing. I am not secure in my own skin at all, I think she has picked up on all of this and is using it to her advantage, i.e. trying to make me feel uncomfortable at every opportunity. The thing is there is no way of proving whether this is true or not, because her behaviour towards me to an outsider is always friendly, chatty and concerned.

its a difficult one...   it does sound like she is being intimidating, but very very subtly.   If you can, I think you should absolutely ignore it, make your behaviour towards her as if it isn't happening, act oblivious.

then she will either back off... or up her game.   In a way its better if its the latter...  because if it does come to the point where you have to say something (to her, or to someone else), it would help if her behaviour was obvious enough for others to be able to see it.   Otherwise she may well make it all out to be you.

Inside you may be quaking, but try to make sure that on the outside you show no signs of this, act oblivious.  This in itself will probably help you feel better about it...  by acting like it doesn't bother you, you may find that self fulfilling and it may well come to the point where it doesn't bother you.

Good luck

And...  life is too short...  if it gets too bad and you don't see a way to resolve it start looking for another job.

You have to be sometimes. Direct and clear communication works a treat in office boiler room situations. We can all be sensitive at any given time Sheryl, the more you keep telling yourself that you are, the more it will define you. You don't need to become a cold-hearted ball-breaker, you just need to learn how to stand your ground. Good luck 

I agree .... good advice ..... good luck Sheryl

Since when?!

Hmmm. I'd do what someone else said and ask her if everything's ok with a smile. Either that or next time she stares ask her if she wants a photograph.

Thank you for your advice suzybean and dirtyprettything.

For now I am just going to try and not let her behaviour get to me too much, as hard as it may be, and hope that she backs off. The thing is that she has worked there for a while now and is popular so if I complain about her then I think everyone will take her side.

Karma what do you mean since when?! Sounds like you don't believe me...

Well that's not going to help is it. If she is as popular as you say she may feel an authority over you/the whole office. Is she more senior to you? Do have to answer to her in any way? If no, then you're on an even playing field in terms of how you can deal with the situation. I
wouldn't recommend any formal complaints or disciplinary procedures because from what I can tell, she hasn't done anything worthy of such serious avenues.

There must be something in your body language that makes her think she can get away with it (and perhaps she's at it with the boss). Stand up for yourself - why put up with her crap? Ask her if everything's ok, see what she does

Well it's not the Sheryl I thought I knew and remembered

I dunno, I'm not really sure what the problem is, but I have never worked in an office with other wimmin so I'm probably crap at picking up subtle signs and stuff

Is she jealous that you are the Director's PA? Did she want the job you have now?
You say you can chat freely to others in the office, do a bit of subtle digging about her.Knowledge is power, gain knowledge and use it....or lamp her one

result! 

As I said before Sheryl.. I don`t know.
Any Director worth her/his salt shouldn`t be too busy to listen to a problem that`s adversely affecting a colleague and the atmosphere in the workplace.
You might be underestimating her/him. I don`t know that either but I hope things improve for you, whichever way you decide to handle it.

Blokes do seem to be a lot more straightforward As long as you haven't nicked the freshly boiled water out of the kettle that was theirs, then you're ok really

Karma this is the Sheryl that used to write on the C4 forum. I guess I am just more confident online, behind a screen where nobody can see me. Sounds pathetic I know. I hate being like this, wish I could be one of those people who are confident, headstrong, completely self assured and give off the vibe/body language that shows people not to mess with me. Do you think this behaviour can be learned, or it is all down to nature/nurture?

She is not in a particularly senior position, but I think she feels that because she has been there for many years and is popular with her team, then she can behave how she likes with newcomers, or people she perceives to be weak/insecure/have an inferiority complex.
Come to think of it, I am not the only person in the office who has expressed dislike towards her. Another girl in the office, who I get along with quite well, mentioned to me the other day that she also finds her behaviour towards her very rude and has noticed her talking to a temp disrespectfully before, i.e being very patronising and generally putting her down. So perhaps I am not going out of my mind and imagining things...

I was like that, I had my career Baptism of Fire working in the City of London. I stuck around long enough to witness the man who made me cry on my first day reduced to a quivering mass of jelly when he got the boot for 'loosing' £14million in a dodgy transaction. 

I bet that felt good Suzy

Thanks Scotty :hugs:

maybe she has a superiority complex and has spotted your insecurity and finds you to be an easy target .... anyway, whatever her problem, she's got no business making you feel uncomfortable imo, you should take her up on it asap.