Eee  boy goom....it be Fracs !  Howz you lass?  

Ello Tidddles love, well if I ad ter judge on t'scale, I'd be 5 penises!

Ee loov....you've ad mur than yur fair shurr! You boasting or complaining me dux?   

I'm norra slag, I've only had 4 shags this week.  I'm just using the new Dave International Penis Rating Scale as seen on BBBM last week, he were wired up to a tumescence measuring device.  It were amazin.

oooOOOoooh  get 'er and er posh words....tumescence is it?  Summun as hobviously spend the last 12 months at the Dewsbury College of Speaking Reet Proper Like

what's wrong wi' saying it measures willy wobble...I durnt bluddy knur


anyways, onter more important matters.  I'm getting a bit worried now so i want yer all to put these pursters in the winders of yer caravans and outhouses

NANOOO NANOOO DANCERS!!!!  NANOO NANNOOO ALL T'POSSEE!!! 


Dancers, I've bluddy missed you while I were at Dewsbury Technical College gettin me QVC level 2 Talkin Proper



I've been dooin qualificasherns since St Vivienne said that if I workd ard wun day I might get to sort her pile o knickers.  It's me dreem to rifle through Vivienne's knickers and pile em up in piles like she's never seen knickers piled up in piles before.  Wun day.


I have run off lerds of yer persters for t'cat...I have missed you, you chuffing nutcase.  Hope yer mam's shitlumps are behavin xxxxx

'Ow do posse

Eee it wer grand last night seeing Our Lard - lukin bloooody great
An yer knor ah don't think  t'showbiz 'as gone to 'is head at all der you?

'E's a bloooody natural in front of t'camera

Now ahv got some t'Yorkshire Tea Loaf fer yer all ter night - dig in posse - it's freeee intit!!


Ahm keepin me eyes peeled fer that cat in all

Aww, I missed him - I liked 'ol Dave

Aye I did that lass,but cat be too quick fer me like and Devo were sniffing a dog turd at time so didn't see cat,or  he'd have got  cat back double quick like.

Ner Fracas I aint either lass,but I've seen piles in knickers.Like a bunch of t'grapes they were.

LOLOL  had forgot about shitlumpgate   How sweet of you to remember

No need ter fret, all has bin well wi'her regions since

Ah'm glad ter hear you are getting an edumafication an yer piles are coming on a treet, That college has a grand reputation that...just look at th'Lard last year he were sorting tramp's undercrackers and now he's a scientist.....there's hurp fer us all

evening rest o'Possee

Evening Dance lass,ope yer've add a gerd day like.I can see yer bin busy wit persters and that.They be bluddy everywhere.If that durn't get bluddy cat back I durn't know what will.

I der ope lard as passed some ov his lurning onto Lisa.Her face last year was like she'd just sucked on thistle that ad been recently pissed on.

Ey oop posse,breaking news fer yer.I were taking Devo oot last neet like fer walk when a man  came oop to me and said "I've seen yer F N Pussy."
So I shouted."Yer Covert." and kneed im in t'nuts.
5 minutes later ,I were in back ov Police car wit Devo and the covert were int ambulance.
Devo and me ave been released and bound over ter keep peace,whilst covert as been released frum ospital wit swelling and bruising ant large tub of lanacane cream.
Turns oot posee, man weren't a covert at all, but a very nice blurk that had seen our FN Cat.Eeeeee by gum posse.He'd seen im driving boos wit Glastonbury ont frunt,it be full oop ov trifles ant Yorkshire puds.