CONVINCE your friends you're a renowned surgeon by turning your taps on with your elbows whilst talking loudly about golf.

Pirate you are making no sense and it comes across as being RUDE!

LADIES. Pretend you're Shirley Valentine by having sex with the man from the kebab shop

i stole them from twitter..to make you laugh..did it work..?

Noooo! He might ask if I want salad and sauce with it  

eh?

thread says 'make me laugh' so i tried

whats up with that?

no sorry-its says cheer me up

so i thought id post some daft stuff

you gotta explain what ive done wrong

please

Oh Twitter, that's why I did'nt  laugh at the random twits.... xx

Pirate, Duchess wanted cheering up because her daughter was in an accident and badly hurt. She is now home from hospital but still poorly. The mood of the thread has changed, but you weren't to know that if you haven't read back.

And the original post was a person that wanted cheering up ...but has been cheered up by her daughter being at home and getting better...

Best possible cheering up Duchess could have.

oh

sorry

and sorry duchess, i just read to cheer you up/make you laugh, so i tried

really mega X a million sorry

i feel daft now

I'm sure Duchess will appreciate Pirate's efforts, his heart is in the right place. 

Don't feel daft, you were just trying to cheer up Duchess.

Made me laugh, Syd, he cheered me up Don't think it comes across as rude at all 

ok

ta

glad your kids home safe and sound duchess

still feel a bit of a cnut

my own fault for not reading through the thread

i thought i was being comical

i thought wrong

oh well

serves me right eh?

Nor me, I don't get what he did wrong to be honest *shrugs* 

You never thought wrong at all! There's no time limit on a cheer up  

.. and it did make me laugh . Properly . Out loud and everything! Bet duchess has a giggle when she sees it too .

Not a thing Triggs!

Glad  your daughter is home Duchess.... and hope she soon makes a full recovery

I was just reading the posts as they were posted and didn't understand, I was wrong.....sorry pirate.... 

I could use some more of the Viz-stylee top tips pirate ! If you're not comfortable posting them in this thread, could you maybe start a new thread for them ? 

( gawd, he's getting requests now! ! ) 

That was nice Syd x 

( and I just test-drove the surgeon one , my husband's confused !  

arrggghh!! The bracket turned into a wink and a &nbsp again! 

Requests? OK Pirate, while your at it...do you know 'I left my heart in San Francisco?' 

! How did you get home without it? 

as long as we're all happy-thats good

group hugs 'n' stuff

thats my dads favourite song ever..!

ooh

i felt that

I followed the Yellow Brick Road and the wizard gave me a new one (I may have partaken of hallucinogenic drugs in San Francisco too )

Awwww, love it Pirate 

Slinki! Did you slip the haun again? 

Heheheh! Not heard that in years ! ( not done that in years either! ) ! 

i don't believe it!!!!!!!! Honestly - that was my Dads favourite song too. It makes me cry everytime I hear it!

yeah

and me

i tend to avoid it now lol

while im here

CONVINCE your neighbours you have a horse in your garden by glueing coconut shells to your dog's feet

well

you gotta laugh at anything semi-funny at the moment

Round yer neck ?......( ...,)