For the Toid sample!

Oops, I forgot to rinse it out!

Aim carefully.

 I suppose a rinsed-out vodka bottle wouldn't be acceptable?

I dare you to use an empty apple juice container!

Or a half-full one, to confuse them?

KINGA?!

PMSL - no!
Did she pee in hers?

Blizzie that looks like a shoe Posh would wear!

I expect some wee came out

Last time I had to do one at the hospital they gave me a foil tray (like the kind you get takeaways in!)and a sample bottle.

I didn't know what the tray was for ....so I came back out of the toilet and handed the nurse the sample (I have a really good aim) and gave her the tray back...she gave me a right funny look.

Well! It was all new fangled to me

I'm none the wiser, Leccy. What was required, then?

I remember years ago I broke my wrist and had to stay overnight in the hospital with my arm raised in  a sling contraption to help stop the plastered arm from swelling up.So I had to use a bedpan,well I peed and peed and it overflowed and I  wet the bed! They had to change the sheets etc.

Was the foil tray for a stool sample?

Apparently it's for ladies to do a widdle in then tip it in the bottle

When I was in the maternity unit I had to wee into a cardboard tray and leave it on the sink for the midwife to collect. I was mortified when I realised that nobody had come to collect it and my wee had been sitting there all day while people had been in and out of the loo.

Oh my God have any of you ever had to use a bedpan? I had my first experience of bedpans the other night, I wasn't keen from the start, not only cos I hadn't a clue how they worked but there was a camera in my hospital room.

So I told the nurse I need to do a wee and she says 'I get you bedpan'. She hands me this thing and we just stared at each other. I thought maybe you inserted it or something?  So I placed it kinda where it needed to go and she was 'nooo what are you doeeeeenng??? we remove your clothes from waist down and you put it under your bottom and then you wee wee'. Well my God there was me in all my glory with everything hanging out, my backside nearly 3ft in the air and my fanjita directed straight at this bloody cctv camera. And I couldn't do it. I was petrified that it would come out like a jetstream and hit the walls (cos I had been dying to go for ages). After 10 minutes the nurse was getting the raving hump so bought me a commode and cos me legs had gone I had to have 3 nurses help me. It was without doubt one of the most embarassing things I've ever had to go through. How the hell do people use bedpans??? I would rather wear a nappy or cork everything up then go through that again

Karma!

Karma, that is AWFUL! And what a pissy-attituded, insensitive nurse.
We aren't flippin well BORN knowing how to use bedpans,for chrissakes. Would have served her right if you'd drenched her.

I was laughing about it afterwards cos when you're that far gone and you have no dignity left it's either laugh or die The nurses must have thought 'how can this 36 year old not know how a bedpan works?' - well there are some things in life you never think you'll need to know The visions in my head of what could have happened still remain with me even now, but the bloke in the control room got an eyeful

So much for "preserving the patient's dignity", eh?

To be fair to them I was being monitored for different stuff cos I had gone in in a rush so there was no time to be worrying whether I dribbled or not, but I did manage to have one ruck with a nurse on Friday morning cos my drain had fallen out and the bed was covered in blood and she said it was my fault (which it wasnt - it was the other nurse who hadn't attached it properly). And she was like 'you silly girl, I have to change this all again now' I so wanted to deck the silly bint

However, I left satisfied that I'd managed to have a go at someone so it was Happy Days

Jeebus, Karma
My op is a  week tomorrow and thank goodness it's day surgery. As soon as I'm conscious again and able to stand upright, I'm off home! Phew!

Hang on - you've got to widdle in a tray and then pour it in a bottle?? Why not give ladies a funnel? Surely that would make it easier?

I dunno, I was just waiting for my special fried rice to be honest

omg this is bringing back horrible memories of the pee-bag I got for the section...I was all swollen after the pre-eclampsia and...omg I can't even finish that sentence   but it took her a couple of trips with a large jug to empty the bag

And Queenie....I remember that tray...omg it was disgusting...but the worst was the first few days before I had Finn I had to do a 24 hour urine sample...so I had to pee in a jug...carry it out across the corridor and pour it into this big container   The one beside mine was only half full after the 24 hours...I needed a second container

Leccy!

were you rushed into hosp the other night Karm?

Ah it was nowt really. Just an overdue back op that went a bit wrong the night before I had the op. But I've been fiddled with and am back home now. Cant move much and am surrounded by laptop and phone charger wires on the sofa, doing my best Steven Hawking impression

Karma
Of course, there is the bonus of not having to lift a finger over Christmas (unless it's to lift a glass). I'm looking forward to that, a lot.

Oh, yeah, I had to do that when I went in for an op a few years ago.  When they said you  have to wee into this, I thought 'OMG, I don't believe you just said that!  It's cardboard!'  I thought it must be the drugs they were giving me that made me imagine things.  Everyone had to wee into these cardboard containers and just leave them in this area outside the loos.  Very surreal.

My poor mum's been doing everything, we were laughing today cos she said by the time Ive recovered she would have run around so much she'll look like an advert for famine relief

I'm alright though ladies, and thank you x

What do men have to wee into and do they find it easier dealing with all this stuff then us ladies? I would have thought they would cos at least they can aim and be discreet

These, I think!

oh jees Karm...  though I am laughing at the advert for famine relief remark

I hope she's put the remote beside you too

Speaking of collection of bodily fluids, today's contestant on Deal or No Deal told a funny tale of when she was working in a lab testing samples.  One man had to bring in a semen sample, and was told to keep it warm, for instance by keeping it in a jacket pocket.  Well he mis-read the letter and brought it in in a jacket potato.

You are cracking me up this evening