So........Roxy does favours for money does she?

Get your check book out Marcus.....it's your lucky day.

Well.........what a bastard.

So even if he hadn't have got his head bashed in with pink shoe....I would never have got my hands on that trophy? Why, the lying, scheming, defrauding, cheating, deceiving, swindling, double dealing,  duplicitous, evil minded, high trousered, bog brushed headed, but weirdly attractive to the opposite sex, millionaire, bastard.

Not his greatest fan then?

By the way, how did you get on with Carrie and Barry? Did you get to know them well? Did Carrie fall for your charms too? Did either of them mention any of this to the other contestants?

We got on Ok....... I had a bit of banter with Barry.....and a bit of fun with Carrie....you know how it is. They didn't mention anything about all this to me though   I knew Cowl was hard on them, it didn't take a genius to see that, he used to give them seriously rubbish scores...... first time I've ever seen a score of minus 6.  

It's dance terms Vi, you wouldn't know about those though, considering Agadoo and YMCA is more your style!

What's wrong with wearing sexy dresses and enhancing what god gaves us? My dresses don't have velcro fasteners like yours

There is no way my Emmanuel would tried it on with Eileen, he loves women with spirt and a sense of humour, Eileen is far too stern and not Emmanuel's type at all. He adores sensual, grace, charm and a figure to die for, he's got that and so much more with me

Do you really think so Reeda? You don't think it was a tad fortunate that Crane was rigging the gig? After all, you two were red hot favourites to leave after round one. I'm not taking a dig but Crane rigged the gig right from the start dear heart

Any chance we could see the voting figures for the early rounds?? Maybe I should give Ant and Dec a ring, they know how this malarky works.

Are you totally sure about that? How can you be 100% certain that this isn't some kind of showmance and The Great Handlebarred Thruster isn't just using you to make Tipsy jealous?

I can't give you exact voting figures but those two looked certs to go till Crane saved them. Whether he liked them or just hated everyone else I don't know you'd have to ask stiletto head except you can't as the poor fool's dead.

I'm sure of it Woodya, in fact you should have had a bet on it yourself, the odds would have been really good.

The hours and hours we of practise we put in, it was bloody sheer hard work and talent that would have taken us through, with or without Crane's help!

 Do you have any idea why he was so desperate for them to stay in the contest? Why would he risk it? I mean if it had got out it would have ruined him. Mind you, the stiletto did that anyway.....

Hmmpfft

You and Emsy were too busy walking back and fro from the studio to the coffee shop..... shoving your best sides at the paps out on the street to fit in any practice.

The only reason you made it to the final was because of Cowl's dodgy scoring and you know it! I mean come ON! The News at Nine Thirty had to go back to presenting the news behind a desk....cos the new fangled way of doing it standing up was too much for your lack of coordination to cope with.

Look at you.....you have to practise putting one foot in front of the other...continuously over and over and over.......on a mesmorising loop ....or you'd forget how to bloody walk.

scutters in

Hours and hours of practise?? Unless they are, sorry, were doing a Horizontal Tango in the final, I can't see what you were practising.

Well Well Hello everyone .. All getting on like rattlesnakes in a pit as usual?

hey Mr Duck why don't you show us a dance move or two to lighten the mood?

szia to all

*blowa kisses

Vere is ve Roxy

I did wonder why the desk had made a comeback. I assumed it was easier to hide her butt behind it than do the news in widescreen......

Marcouss - lovely to vee you MWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

From where I'm standing lady if you were good enough to win Craney boy wouldn't have had to rig the competition on your behalf. The question is why, why were you two drafted? If we're relying on Vi to find out we're all shafted!

Good evening Wilma and how are you tonight Hmmmm?

I think I asked you some questions on the other page....not entirely sure, but I think I did. If you're not too pissed busy, could you please go and have a look?

Page? page?. Where are we in s book

Roxeeeeeeeeeee

Brator - you should leesten to zis

Roxeeee - I have been thinking - and theenking - i think you killed crane so nobody would find out you had helped rig ve competition both vats - vats and vipers

And if you were the boss, we'd really be at a loss. Your brain is so old, it's 58% mould.

Nope, it's a chuffing nightmare.

I'm listening but all I can hear is 'blah blah blah'

noooooooooooooo you seely voman vey are mine

Wilma I have a question for you. We're all clearly shocked at the slimey one rigging the competition but that email was obviously sent while he was still alive, i.e. before the murder. Why has it taken you so long to open your beak and spread the word, given you never shut up it's quite absurd?

And Roxy. How much was Crane giving you to aid him in his dastardly plan and did he ever pay you?

Roxeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - reply pleeze

It didn't work very well did it?

Ohhh dear! and i suppose thats all my fault is it Miss detective?

*Send for inspector Japp*

I'm still waiting for Wilma to tell me when the e-mail was sent, she is far too ratted to care I'm afraid.

Woodeee i 'ave been in a veree nervousss spiral - not knowin whether or not i 'ave been on my cute derriere or my very preety head

i have been traumatised by all this

*throws arm dramatically over forehead*

vat iv vy

Would it be totally inappropriate for me to say that I quite fancy Captain Hastings?

You're talking rubbish Duck and you know it, I'm a great dancer, no if's or buts about it. The paps did follow us I'll admit, nowhere in sight when you went for coffee though Dazzler!

When was the last time you had a decent score, and before you say it. you coudn't call your night time romps with Vile Brator decent.

The last game of cricket you played was a day match with the Durham Eleven and I'm not talking the County team.You're just desperate to blame anyone or anything for your own

inadequacies

i am not vatted you awvul ladeee -oh sorryyou are not a ladeeee - the Email vas sent before crane the bully died

Nooooooooooooooooo of course I didn't kill Crane 

Ok Ok I admit (well there's not much point denying) that I helped Crane rig the contest so that Carrie and Barry could be dumped.  I had no choice.  

Crane insisted that Barry was a joke and that his dancing was harming the contest - he had a point!  However, he said he needed to make sure that they went and his low marking wasn't enough to guarantee it so he asked me to sabotage their routine by putting itching powder in the costumes and loosening a few seams. 

He offered me a lot of money (money I could use for my couture shop in London.)  The overheads are killing me so I thought what the hell, it's a one off and no one will ever know!

Then I thought better of it but he said if I didn't go ahead, he'd have me sacked from this gig as well as making my name mud in the costume/fashion world   He was quite aggressive and I was afraid.  

It was of no use to me to have him dead because the barsteward still owed me my cut  and now I'm stuffed professionally when this gets out - reduced to the till at Peacocks 

If you don't answer the question woman, my very pissed off foot will connect with your scraggy 'derriere' and hope it jolts your one remaining unpickled brain cell into action.