a) I thought you were female

b) You need to be able to run faster than that

I'd like to see you get that out!!

Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a woman?

My mum told me it was like being constipated with a watermelon

Coulda been a pineapple, I guess

You're not a male mid-wife by any chance are you ? ..

quote:

Originally posted by Bigdaddyostrich:
My mum told me it was like being constipated with a watermelon

Coulda been a pineapple, I guess

Actually it's worse then that!!!

i was at the birth of my mate's baby, i stayed up at the head end as much as possible,but her hubs kept elbowing me out of the way, so he could be at the head end as well, it got very crowded at the head end, i have to say.

oh pain that would kill a horse

and the rest

run forest run

If men gave birth we'd never hear the end of it....

No worries QOTHT , I found it very straightforward three times

Go with the flow, and don't fight the pain

quote:

Originally posted by stonks:
If men gave birth we'd never hear the end of it....

Stonkers

QOTHT stay out of these threads, they are not good for your blood pressure It's not that bad, if it was everybody would only have one

It's like giving birth to fully blown up space hopper.

quote:

Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:

queen whatever happens you get a lovely baby and if it was so bad eveyone would have one baby one

i have 3 children

all different births and all worth it

untill they grow up

quote:

Originally posted by Rawky-Roo:
Piece of piss, innit! *runs for the hills screaming*

Okay, let's imagine you have to expel a "piece of piss" that is around 20-22 inches long, and weighs anywhere between 6 and 10 pounds.

Fair enough, you don't have a vagina, being male, so we'll reduce the size somewhat to replicate reality.

Imagine peeing a cucumber...

Still screaming?

YES!

quote:

Originally posted by JacksonB:
i was at the birth of my mate's baby, i stayed up at the head end as much as possible,but her hubs kept elbowing me out of the way, so he could be at the head end as well, it got very crowded at the head end, i have to say.

Of course he'd be at the head end. Wants to meet and greet baby before anyone else does, including you.

quote:

Originally posted by Mentalist:
QOTHT stay out of these threads, they are not good for your blood pressure It's not that bad, if it was everybody would only have one

It is that bad and you are designed to forget how bad it is, or else everyone would have only one baby.

quote:

Originally posted by jennywren:

quote:

Originally posted by JacksonB:
i was at the birth of my mate's baby, i stayed up at the head end as much as possible,but her hubs kept elbowing me out of the way, so he could be at the head end as well, it got very crowded at the head end, i have to say.

Of course he'd be at the head end. Wants to meet and greet baby before anyone else does, including you.

i mean the head end as in the head of the friend giving birth, not the other end...

quote:

Originally posted by jennywren:

quote:

Originally posted by Mentalist:
QOTHT stay out of these threads, they are not good for your blood pressure It's not that bad, if it was everybody would only have one

It is that bad and you are designed to forget how bad it is, or else everyone would have only one baby.

Having said that, having babies is what women are designed to do and women have a far higher pain threshold than men. It's no picnic, but any preggie ladies should not worry as to how they will cope, because millions, or billions of women have gone through this before them, including their own mothers, of course.

quote:

Originally posted by JacksonB:

quote:

Originally posted by jennywren:

quote:

Originally posted by JacksonB:
i was at the birth of my mate's baby, i stayed up at the head end as much as possible,but her hubs kept elbowing me out of the way, so he could be at the head end as well, it got very crowded at the head end, i have to say.

Of course he'd be at the head end. Wants to meet and greet baby before anyone else does, including you.

i mean the head end as in the head of the friend giving birth, not the other end...

Ah, I thought you meant the baby's head end!! Mind you, in ante-natal classes, the chappies are supposed to help their ladies pant like a doggie, and they're supposed to be up the (lady's) head end for that. Giving birth is a serious business for all, and not really a spectator sport.

quote:

Originally posted by jennywren:

quote:

Originally posted by JacksonB:

quote:

Originally posted by jennywren:

quote:

Originally posted by JacksonB:
i was at the birth of my mate's baby, i stayed up at the head end as much as possible,but her hubs kept elbowing me out of the way, so he could be at the head end as well, it got very crowded at the head end, i have to say.

Of course he'd be at the head end. Wants to meet and greet baby before anyone else does, including you.

i mean the head end as in the head of the friend giving birth, not the other end...

Ah, I thought you meant the baby's head end!! Mind you, in ante-natal classes, the chappies are supposed to help their ladies pant like a doggie, and they're supposed to be up the (lady's) head end for that. Giving birth is a serious business for all, and not really a spectator sport.

well there 3 of us there, so maybe things are more relaxed around these parts.

quote:

Originally posted by stoory:

quote:

Originally posted by stonks:
If men gave birth we'd never hear the end of it....

Stonkers

Stoory....

I was a birth partner to my mate when she had her son and I found it more scary than when I gave birth to my two.

QOTHT if you are still lurking here, I am the worlds biggest coward with a remarkably low pain threshold and I had my two naturally with no painkillers.

you can get through it hun, don't panic

Oh and Rawky - we will be round to insert a basketball in a certain orifice just so you can share the experience

Mr stonks had mucho respecto for me after seeing what I went through with my first and after all the hard work they cut me open to get him out..still think its easy Rawky....

quote:

Originally posted by Veggieburger:
I was a birth partner to my mate when she had her son and I found it more scary than when I gave birth to my two.

QOTHT if you are still lurking here, I am the worlds biggest coward with a remarkably low pain threshold and I had my two naturally with no painkillers.

you can get through it hun, don't panic

Oh and Rawky - we will be round to insert a basketball in a certain orifice just so you can share the experience

Yes, I am still lurking. Don't worry, I'm still in denial about the whole birth thing. I'm still hoping that it's all a big fib and a lovely big stork will just bring the baby all wrapped up in a nice white blanket tied up in a bow like it used to do in cartoons. I'm right, aren't I?

Well, if men and women took it in turns to have a baby, and the men went first, there would never be a third.

Aww I do remember the panic just before you give birth.
the whole 'I don't want to do this' vibe.

You'll be ok hun, I found that reading up loads beforehand so I knew exactly what was going on helped me a lot.

One thing I have never understood though is that when women find out you are pregnant they insist on telling you horror stories about their own labours and deliveries

WTF is that all about? Some sort of sisterly sadistic ritual?

quote:

Originally posted by Veggieburger:
Aww I do remember the panic just before you give birth.
the whole 'I don't want to do this' vibe.

You'll be ok hun, I found that reading up loads beforehand so I knew exactly what was going on helped me a lot.

One thing I have never understood though is that when women find out you are pregnant they insist on telling you horror stories about their own labours and deliveries

WTF is that all about? Some sort of sisterly sadistic ritual?

See now, I like to tell the horror stories to little girls that think they want babies when they are 14/15/16.

quote:

Originally posted by Veggieburger:
Aww I do remember the panic just before you give birth.
the whole 'I don't want to do this' vibe.

You'll be ok hun, I found that reading up loads beforehand so I knew exactly what was going on helped me a lot.

One thing I have never understood though is that when women find out you are pregnant they insist on telling you horror stories about their own labours and deliveries

WTF is that all about? Some sort of sisterly sadistic ritual?

This is so true veggie

quote:

Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:

quote:

Originally posted by Veggieburger:
I was a birth partner to my mate when she had her son and I found it more scary than when I gave birth to my two.

QOTHT if you are still lurking here, I am the worlds biggest coward with a remarkably low pain threshold and I had my two naturally with no painkillers.

you can get through it hun, don't panic

Oh and Rawky - we will be round to insert a basketball in a certain orifice just so you can share the experience

Yes, I am still lurking. Don't worry, I'm still in denial about the whole birth thing. I'm still hoping that it's all a big fib and a lovely big stork will just bring the baby all wrapped up in a nice white blanket tied up in a bow like it used to do in cartoons. I'm right, aren't I?

You'll be OK Queenie, I'm a professional Drama Queen, even screamed when I wasn't having contractions, until the midwife slapped me.

quote:

Originally posted by Veggieburger:
Aww I do remember the panic just before you give birth.
the whole 'I don't want to do this' vibe.

You'll be ok hun, I found that reading up loads beforehand so I knew exactly what was going on helped me a lot.

One thing I have never understood though is that when women find out you are pregnant they insist on telling you horror stories about their own labours and deliveries

WTF is that all about? Some sort of sisterly sadistic ritual?

I was terrified going in to have my first baby because of the horror stories....How I see it now is if it weren't worth it would we go back for more eh?

quote:

Originally posted by Lady-Jester:

See now, I like to tell the horror stories to little girls that think they want babies when they are 14/15/16.

Just give them those real baby doll things and make them keep them for a month.
That should put them off alright

quote:

Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:

quote:

Originally posted by Veggieburger:
I was a birth partner to my mate when she had her son and I found it more scary than when I gave birth to my two.

QOTHT if you are still lurking here, I am the worlds biggest coward with a remarkably low pain threshold and I had my two naturally with no painkillers.

you can get through it hun, don't panic

Oh and Rawky - we will be round to insert a basketball in a certain orifice just so you can share the experience

Yes, I am still lurking. Don't worry, I'm still in denial about the whole birth thing. I'm still hoping that it's all a big fib and a lovely big stork will just bring the baby all wrapped up in a nice white blanket tied up in a bow like it used to do in cartoons. I'm right, aren't I?

Queenie - don`t be put off - I agree with the other lady and go with the flow - work with it - mind over matter - the pain is good pain, natural pain, use your breathing to go with it. It becomes more difficult if you react against it because thats not natural. Keep it in your mind that its a natural process. I agree with what the doctor said in the paper today that its necessary for both mother and baby to go through and is a wonderful experience - I`ve had 4 including a breech.

I think we've all seen it on TV etc., haven't we?

Take everything you can get. That was my birth plan.

quote:

Originally posted by Rawky-Roo:
Piece of piss, innit! *runs for the hills screaming*

Yes.

I can imagine it's a bit like having a bigger than normal number 2, a bit of effort is needed and then job done.

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
I was terrified going in to have my first baby because of the horror stories....How I see it now is if it weren't worth it would we go back for more eh?

hello lovely Lee Hope you and Eamon are well

It's true though lee, you do forget the pain afterwards. I remember lying on the delivery table after my second and saying I wanted another one.
Soon got that stupid idea out of my head

Och, it looks easy. If we had to give birth, we'd be in the pub by lunchtime for a pint to celebrate.

Don't watch any of the soaps if there's a baby due.

They always make a meal out of it.....I never screamed once

Seriously Quennie, the birth is what you make it, and if you go with it, and accept each contraction as one step nearer to the end result, it's a dawdle