What Rog said.  We all hang together when these things happen to us. 

 

I'll be thinking of you while you go through these issues. 

Ditty, 

So sorry to hear this Ditty 

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting her to go quickly and painlessly   You've been very strong up to now and you'll need to be until your father comes to terms with it   There's a fine line between wanting them to be out of pain, and wanting them to live.  I think we want them to live for us rather than for themselves.  

 

I really don't know what else to say except take care of yourself xxxx

So sorry to hear this Ditty...as like others there is no words..I just wish we could take away your hurt....

Oh, Ditty.

I hurt for you and your family. I know you've been dreading this, and I wish you peace in knowing that soon she will no longer be in any pain or discomfort. 

 

Ditty  - sometimes a song can say more than anything else.

Listen to this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADP65wbBUpc

So sorry to hear your news Ditty, I know you will be there for both your Mum and Dad, they will need you to be strong

So sorry for you all xx  ..... look after each other, be strong, you will get through this even though it all seems impossible at the moment 

Thinking of you 

 

Desperately sorry to read this,    

Ditty darling, I don't have the words, but, on reflection, worst thing is when people say nothing, so, sorry for that. So many on here have said things that I am sure are so helpful and comforting to you and, if you're anything like me, you'll forever remember them. It's not saying the right thing, it's just knowing that people care that's important. This is the worst of times for you, but I know you'll get through it, however hard it is. Just remember that your biggest fears of your mum being in horrendous pain have not and will not materialise, that you had that fabulous last Christmas you thought you would never have and a year of being able to do and say all of the things that you needed, before you say goodbye. Tough times ahead, no-one can take the sadness away, but remember the happy times too...now, where's that thread about your mum's poem, it needs bumping! Lots of love xxx

Words are just not enough sometimes. So sorry Ditty  

love to you and your family xxxxx

 

                             

 

 

Does It matter If I don't Know you ? cos I do really ..feel your pain and totally understand what you are going through...you take care xxxxx

just seen this and i am so so sorry to hear you go through this, its just the worst thing ever. Just know we are thinking of you x 

ello Clumsy..   ello everyone else..  

 

*sigh*..   well, she regained lucidity (seriously sick of the word lucid in all its various forms) yesterday partly..   fully today.

 

mixed blessing..   yes, got Mum back for a bit, but it means she knows whats going on..    hospital beds in bedrooms, district nurses coming round daily to bed bathe her..    drug pumps.

 

dad is still so far in denial I am struggling to have a conversation with him.. 

 

thankfully the hospice nurse & the EoL nurse have obviously seen this scenario before (other parent in denial..   kids left floundering -  trying to get facts of what is happening, but impossible when the other parent is not having any "talk like that").   so the two hospice girls make sure they manage to speak to me on my own..  

 

contrary to what my dad is saying it doesn't mean anything that she's regained lucidity..   its still highly unlikely she will ever get out of bed again..    (& they've given me a contact number to get hold of them on in case my dad attempts it)..     

 

took Ickle up to see her today..    that was good for both of them..   there was a lot of laughing...    its hard when its just Mum & me cos I am really shit at lying..   and I can see it in her eyes that she knows..  she knows what is happening..   but it cannot be said..      so its just really hard.

 

Anyway..  back home for a bit now..     probably for the rest of today.    Then back up there after work tomorrow afternoon (unless there is any change, in which case I am back up there sooner).

 

Am coping.   thanks to the hospice nurses I am coping..     its unfortunate that my father & I have polar opposite needs in terms of how to deal with this...   and our needs directly conflict.    I need information...  I need reality & the truth...    I can't handle uncertainty & not knowing or talking brightly about stuff that is never going to happen 

Ditty, the last time I saw my gran I promised her I would drive her home from the hospital as soon as they let her out, but I knew I'd never see her alive again. It's not easy to see someone you love deteriorate and try to keep positive around them, but we do it because we love them. It sounds like you're doing a great job of looking after your mum, I hope you're coping and looking after yourself too my MIL is currently deteriorating fast, and we do what we can to make her comfortable. I love how this forum is so supportive and coming here is such a home from home. If there's anything we can do to support you, we will I bet that pup of yours is great for making you all smile at this difficult time

that pup of mine was a total star again today.. 

 

he's a mare normally..    he's at the stage where testosterone is just starting to kick in, so if he's not biting, nipping or mouthing something he is shagging it.. 

 

tentatively took him up to Mums room and (with Ickle holding him) let him on the bed..    he just snuggled next to mum.  he did sniff her first (made me wonder what he was detecting)..   then licked her hand gently a few times..   then snuggled up by her with his head on her legs ..   

 

he was lovely 

and I am sorry about your MIL Sweet..    that seems to have been going on a long time too.. 

 

how's Mr Summer holding up?

Thinking of you at this sad time 

Ditts       Funny how some animals just seem to know how to behave around sick people. 

 

and Sweet and Mr Sweet 

Ditty   it must be so so painful. You'll be in my thoughts and I will send a wee prayer your Mum's way 

 

B.t.w. its lovely about the puppy's tenderness with your Mum  xx

How sweet that your pup could sense that your mum just needed a cuddle. Hope he gets to visit again!

never ceases to amaze me how animals especially dogs know when you're ill and offer unconditional love   I bet your mum loved having him snuggled up to her 

^^^^ I sincerely thank you for these memorable words,Triggs xxx. When my time to mourn comes, as inevitably it will, I shall use this quote at my brave lad' s memorial service. Because it really does perfectly illustrate his indomitable refusal to 'leave the party' until the lights have been turned out.

 

In the meantime, this thread is all about Ditty' s anguish.   And to all that's already been said, I can only add: my thoughts are with you at this deeply heartbreaking time. 

 

Where the hell is a magic wand when you need one?!

 I can only imagine what you must be going through. I hope you have lots of people who are giving you support, and will continue to do so when the inevitable happens.

Thanks very much, yogi xxx You're so kind.  And yes, thankfully I have all the support I need.  But, like Ditty, at the end of the day it's our personal demons, uncertainty & anguish we have to face, day-to-day.

 

The best we can hope for is that we don't unravel mentally & that everything is dealt with as classify & with the dignity our loved ones would expect from us.

 

It doesn't stop the weeping (when no one can hear) though.

 Mrs Darling

Lots of love to you Mrs Darling, and my heartfelt best wishes at what must be an impossibly painful time. Use all the support you have and look after yourself, especially in those quiet moments   xx

And massive love back, you amazingly gracious lady xxx

I'll deal with it all as best as I am able too.  I just wish to God I didn't HAVE TO, ya ken worrah mean?  Just really wanted to let you know how deeply that quote moved me.  But anything you write has always affected me 

 

And for now, it's back to Ditty' s cancer journey........with kind thoughts for a good outcome xxx

Thanks, Rog - much appreciated x

aw sweet little dog, how lovely for her, it is hard when something like this happens, dont know about you but it hits you at the oddest times (once with me i broke down at the petrol station) but we are all thinking of you 

am just flying out the door for the evening dog walk.   but just wanted to say ...

 

Mrs Darling..    don't worry about talking about what you are going through in here..   don't feel its "my thread" etc..     honest I don't mind..  

 

and I am sorry for what you are going through..   and if I remember rightly, not the first time..  

 

god I can't bare the thought that I'll be going through this ever again (but I know I probably will)... 

 

anyways..   come in here and scream & weep whenever you need to .. 

 

or just be sad

 

or just read some of the posts...   they keep me going sometimes... 

 

xx

 

Right..  dog.. orchard.. now 

I'm so sorry to hear this Ditty

It is amazing how animals do sense these things Ditty.  I remember the same with our Danny, when my Dad was in his final few days - he was very young and boisterous and just lay down quietly next to him and nudged him gently here and there - we were amazed because he's such a bouncy mad dog and he just treated Dad very differently at that time - they definitely know xx

Thanks, Ditty xxx But no,  it's not my time just yet.  If it weren't for the words Triggs so graciously posted to you, I would never have responded here.

 

It doesn't mean you're not in my thoughts though. Because yes, I went through the hell on earth you're going through about 5years ago with my own mum.  I truly do feel for you, Ditts.  It's a harrowing, gut-wrenching time. There will of course eventually be better days ahead, darlin - just not right now xxx

 

How good was the pup Ditty and sorry to hear about what you are going through too Mrs darling  You find the strength for somewhere, although at the time you don't know where and how it comes. 

 Thanks, Dame double A.  That's so thoughtful of you. And Clumsycat too xxx

 

My thoughts are with Ditty right now. It must be so harrowing for her to try and be all things to all people at a time like this.

 

And for now I'm gonna leave this thread (but will still follow it), again extending my best wishes for a good outcome to all concerned xx

 

Ditty