Yes, very much so. 

well these photo's were all on slides..     for as long as we could remember there were boxes & boxes of 35mm slides & negatives stored in boxes under beds and at the bottom of wardrobes.

 

I bought dad a gadget that scans them onto the computer for his birthday a few months ago.      I wasn't sure if he'd like it/attempt to use it..     it was a good move..   he loves it. 

 

all these photos have been lost to him for decades (we've never seen them before).

 

Brother & I are doing the odd few hour shifts getting through a few hundred or so at a time.

 

Dad has already selected about 20 photos that we are going to get professionally restored & printed out for him 

I DON'T KNOW!!    

 

It must have been a very brief period of time..   cos I have seen other pics of me younger than this, and a bit older than this..  and I swear I have even coverage all over my head, whether it be short, all bald, or long baby locks

thank you xx

if its any consolation i went bonkers 3weeks ago-OH said she was waiting for it to happen

but i tell ya-it was a bit of a release

like i say early for you yet

youre neither here or there at the minute

kinda in limbo

& we had to wait nearly a month for Moms funeral

that waiting time does no favours for your head

try to occupy your brain, get busy doing summat 'til youre knackered, sleep helps/heals

 

 That's brilliant.

Ditty your mum is beautiful in that photo ^ How's your dad coping? 

 

A MONTH!!!   I don't think I could handle that!    This having to wait so long for a funeral thing has come as a right shock to me.   I always though that unless the coroner was involved then funerals happened within a week of someone dying!

 

Mind you..   I have just spent 6 weeks in a different limbo place (only it was mostly worse than this..   waiting for/wishing for her to die..  but actually not wanting her to die..   wishing she had never got ill in the first place)

 

Its funeral arrangements that are gonna cause the agro now..     2 weeks is just a bit too long for arrangements to be made quickly & stuck to..    there have already been shenanigans & changing of minds amongst some of the first tier of relatives (we have 2nd & 3rd tiers to go yet..    4th tier is the ones that live somewhere in the depths of Canada..   the ones where no one can quite track exactly how we are related.. but who are still on the christmas card list) .

 

I have decided I don't care!     The funeral is going to just be another wave of hurt...   twist of the knife kinda thing...  

 

 

and yeah...  keep busy....     when it gets too much I take Loki out and we walk & walk & walk..   then I get home & if I am still knee jiggling or pacing I take a zopliclone.    I know they say that its not the ideal way..   but I don't really care right now..     being able to switch off the brain & sleep has kept me sane so far  

 

 

 

oh god..     just thinking about how to sum that up floors me.    ermm, well he's not really.      He's trying to cope..    and he slept last night (first time since Monday night), so was marginally better today..   

 

but he's really not doing well.    We all knew it was going to be hard on him,   but I'd assumed that as he has experienced loss before (his mum and his dad) that he'd have had some inkling of how this was going to be...  

 

but I hadn't factored in that when he lost his Dad, and then when he lost his Mum..    he had my Mum by his side.     

 

That's the problem....   his go to person is the one thats gone 

It's completely different losing your life partner Ditty.  He might get by fine, it will probably help enormously to talk about her with you all, when he is ready, but do bear in mind grief counselling if necessary, and have a number handy.

who gives a f**k what anyone says?

you cope how you want to-just try & avoid booze (rich coming from me i know lol)

everyday is a day nearer to feeling better

a sloooow process babes 

but a tried & tested one

 

THANK YOU       

 

and the booze thing ain't a problem - I've been going off the stuff for years..   I do like a pina colada..    and a few other obscure drinks - none of them are really very good for getting drunk on.  

 

but hearing you say that it gets better..    I know you're still going through it,  ..  it means a lot xxx 

anytime 

but please be aware i charge for opinions/advice & i shall shortly be sending you my paypal address

 

Sorry, hope I haven't upset you 

Ditts (or can I call you Billy?) 

 

I posted a song a while back... and reading the bit about not being able to remember the happy times makes me think now should be the time to post it.  I won't though, in case you think it's too cheesey.. but the lyrics are, to me, spot on (ok, it's written from the perpective of someone who's lost a partner, but the first verse really is true - especially the last two lines)    I love the song

 

Crowded House She Goes On

 

Pretty soon you'll be able to remember her 
Lying in the garden singing 
Right where she'll always be 
The door is always open 

This is the place that I loved her 
And these are the friends that she had 
Long may the mountain ring 
To the sound of her laughter 
And she goes on and on 

In her soft wind I will whisper 
In her warm sun I will glisten 
'till we see her once again 
In a world without end 

We owe it all to frank sinatra 
The song was playing a she walked into the room 
After the long weekend 
They were a lifetime together 

Appearing in the eyes of children 
In the clear blue mountain view 
The colouring in the sky 
And painting ladders to heaven 
And she goes on 

In her soft wind I will whisper 
In her warm sun I will glisten 
'till we see her once again 
In a world without end 

In her soft wind I will whisper 
In her warm sun I will glisten 
And I always will remember 
In a world without end 
She goes on 
She goes on 
She goes on

Oh god I have laughed SO much reading the last couple of William Hague themed pages

 

Fabulous pictures Ditty! Love the one on FB of you, your Mum and Dad (and Angus ) too! Your Dad looks so much like your brother!

 

(Not sure why I'm eeking. Family resemblances aren't really eek worthy are they )

Oh I never thought I'd in this thread, but looking at William Hague!!!  Your Mum looked lovely Ditty

Your Mum was a lovely looking lady Ditty.

 

Happier memories will come  After a loved one dies often we punish ourselves, feel guilty and rack over the bad times. You're really in the throes of grief right now. A more balanced picture will emerge in time.

 

So sorry for your pain. That's the price you pay for loving someone so very much  

 

 

thank you 

 

the hospice team have a follow up bereavement service, i.e. they are aware they are still needed.   I had been concerned though, cos my Dad has this belief that real men mustn't be seen to cry (keeps hating on himself for "blubbing" <-- his words) and I know he'd shun anything presented to him as "counselling"...  

 

HOWEVER...   The morning Mum died, Rev Trev came down & said Dad was just having some private time with Mum, and I took the opportunity to talk to him about this then..    He has agreed to be Dads bereavement person from the hospice..   I am so relieved, because he'll accept it from the Rev..   and he likes him (we all do actually..   really lovely bloke).    So fingers crossed Squiggle...  we;ve managed to get him the council ling without him actually realising it 

awww Aims..     no, please don't be sorry...  

 

you haven't upset me..     My Mum dying and my Dads heartbreaking upsets me..  it was nice of you to remember to ask about him..      there really is no need to apologise..    

 

(honest, everytime I see someone and they tell me how sorry they are etc it sets me off...   but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate what they are saying to me) 

That's good Ditty. I'm not a religeous person but if that helps your dad then that's a good thing  

thank you for this...  

 

hmmmmm...   I wonder...    I wonder if I can get dad to consider this one for the funeral.   I will take it with me on Sunday (ceremony planning with the vicar) and see what he thinks. 

 

Crowded House -  we wanted "Whenever I Fall" at our wedding ceremony..   til we actually sat down & properly listened to the lyrics..     it was the lines

 

I'm really close tonight 
And I feel like I'm moving inside her 
Lying in the dark 
And I think that I'm beginning to know her 

 

Maaaybe not then 

 

 

 

 

Laughter..   if I ever stop laughing then I know I am well & truly scuppered 

 

 

& yes..   My Mum looks so lovely in those pics doesn;t she

Ditty

 

Trev the Rev sounds like the right kind of bloke for your dad

 

 

ok..   last William Hague pic (I HOPE)...  you might as well see them all...  

 

ready?

 

I know!   Perfect for him!    (Dad calls him Trev the Rev too )

 

 

It's compulsory to laugh at William Hague  

 

Gorgeous woman, ditty xx

 ! They reshaped your head by mowing you down with a Morris! 

 

I like the sound of Trev the Rev Ditty Be good for your dad to have him looking out for him . You take care xxx

So sorry Ditty, at least she had a peaceful end, hugs

DPGT,

 

You have my heartfelt sympathies.  My mother has been very ill for some time now and seems to make a recovery only to get ill again.  She is hospitalised, bedridden with numerous complications and it really is one day at a time.   I get quite reflective and think how she's not had the best of things for quite a while.  She worked so hard for the family and somewhat ungrateful kids - me included.

 

If she gets better I will pull my finger out to make sure she gets much more out of life.  Easily said, and complacency seeps in. I am my mother's son. She's been a huge influence on me. Of course, she has her faults, as anyone has.

 

Drinking seems selfish and self indulgent when my mother's suffering so much, and yet, a temporary release from the thoughts swimming around is what she would want, putting others first.

 

I can't know how I will react and what I will think if the worst comes to the worst.  What thoughts will be swimming around, what regrets and what anguish

 

Sorry to bang on about my own concerns at this time.  Hope you have lots of lovely memories of your mum.

 

I hope you're coping as best you can

 

 

I think Ditty will be proud to have given us all space to share our experiences of loss. I know I learn from hearing all FMs insight and advice. 

 

This is one that our disappeared FM Marge inspired me when my mum died. 

 

Death is Nothing at All

Lowi! How you doing! Missing you loads and don't know how to chat with you as I'm not on FB or Twitter. 

I've come to join in the giggles at William Hague! Glad you shared those pics Ditty, your mum was a beautiful young lady- very good hair too We'll be thinking about you, arranging a funeral isn't easy, there's a lot of choice now isn't there!

  

 

Seriously...   where you are is horrible..   really really horrible..     

 

its so hard, cos we love them, really love them, but they do still have their faults as well..    I struggled terribly with this (still am)..    but then as you say we ALL have faults..    the thing is at the end of the day between parents & offspring it really doesn't matter.

 

My brother has been complacent this last year, many here know just how fraught that side of things all got..     I would have happily beat ten balls out of him at one point, but Mum never felt like that..   she was never even upset..   just concerned that he didn't get stressed and pressured into coming to see her what with his hectic life & all (she's gone, its over, I am refusing to let myself get wound up about this anymore)...     BUT..  he came through in the final weeks..  

 

I struggled to be at her bedside when things got really bad..    I was there, but it was my brother that finally prioritised her, got permission to work from home (their house), was able to help my Dad with the lifting & the very personal care mum ended up needing.   I was crap at it..    I couldn't handle watching her distress at her loss of dignity..     My brother however was good at this side of things.   So, he made up for it.   

 

Don't wait til she gets better..  be there for her now.     For your own sake.    

 

I've put Mum first for the past 14 months & I still feel guilty I didn't do enough sometimes..    so I think the guilt must be unavoidable whatever we do. 

 

& drink - yeah..  we all need one of those sometimes..    My Mum did..   everyday at 4pm she was allowed a glass of wine.. right up to the day before she died 

 

awww I do feel for you..   I've spent a year trying to anticipate how this would feel when it happened..  knowing it was going to hurt..     all I can say is its pretty much as you suspect its going to be..     hurts, really hurts, sad, loss, fear, the odd futile infantile outbreaks of "Its not fair" or "I just want my Mum back"..     

 

Its so horrible Carnelian..     my heart goes out to you..     I remember being your side of it, and seeing people my side of it, and kinda envying them that they were that much more further on than me.     Even though it would mean I would see Mum again (& god knows how much I would give to see her one more time) I wouldn't want to go back six months and do it all again..    too hard, too sad..    it feels like you're breaking. 

 

Take it easy on yourself xxx       Its hard as hell being where you are at the moment xxxx 

oh 

 

thank you for this...   

Dtty

 

I was on hols last week, so have only just seen this. Look after yourself too in the weeks ahead.

Thank you for your kind your words and concern, Especially at this time for you and sorry to bring my own concerns at this terrible time for you.

 

It's difficult for me to find the words to articulate, but what I want to say is the best of wishes and concern are with you at this awful time.

 

 

Thank you xxx

 

& thank you..  you know..   for the hope you helped me hang onto when this all started.     it helped..   it helped a lot.   I told my Mum about it and it helped her too. 

 

So thank you xxxx 

Thank you xxx

 

and yeah, "finding the right words to articulate" especially on somthing as complex as all this - I struggle with that too xx