Fought it hard though.. right til the end.
The actual ACTUAL end (cos there have been quite a few dress rehearsals in the last 6 weeks) was miraculously peaceful... so peaceful that the first I knew was my brother on the phone saying mum hadn't breathed for over ten minutes, but that neither he nor Dad knew if she had died or not.
Obviously she had.. thankfully just after brother hung up the phone the hospice vicar turned up (coincidence) so was able to call in the various people & help my Dad accept she'd gone etc.
The funeral directors have taken her now.. brother is helping Dad with all the other stuff - Dad wants to do it all. so.. I am home.. MrD is snoring on the sofa, the girl is iphoning next to me, the dog is snoozing on the floor....
it all feels really odd..
I daredn't poke at the hurt yet... gonna hang onto the numb feeling for as long as possible..
though I don't half fancy a drink..
can't decide whether to throw normal routine out the window & have a drink... or whether to get on & do some of the mundane normal things I would normally be doing.. like going out to get the dogs kibble...
actually I will do that.. then I can get a bottle of bacardi whilst I am out & do the drinking thing when I get back