asking me for money

telling me she's not giving any of her clothes away-shes burning them

Ma had suits costing about £200 each

she's chose to have mom buried

she's chose the most expensive package

i dont earn that much now

we've just bought a house

im struggling as it is

im so f*cked off & had far too many beers

You have to be calm Pirate. Whoever books the funeral pays for it, because its in their name. You dont have to agree on ANYTHING . Plus sign NOTHING till you get your head sorted. x

Pirate, has she officially inherited Your mum's clothes and has your mum's estate been settled? She can't legally do anything with your mum's belongings while they are still part of your mum's estate.

Who is the executor? Did your mum have a will? Has it been read?

If there was no will then everything belongs to all of you equally.

Pirate thats terrible. The audacity! If she ordered it, she pays for it. She's excluded you from everything else except where stumping up cash is concerned.

How about keeping the money and pay for a little bench plaque or tree in your Mum's memory or flowers for the grave. Or give it to your Mum's favourite charity!

Keep going 

Aww pirate mate I bet I know which wake your ma will be at

If there's a viewing they'll just find a wee note....

......SORRY I COULDN'T MAKE IT,

......I'M OVER AT pirate AND HIS MATES'

REGARDS, MUM.

All of the above ^

And Skylark is correct -  do not sign anything especially if you don't agree.

In all honesty Pirate, there's going along with things to keep the peace, and then there's the sanity of distancing yourself from someone who's not acting in anyone's best interest. It's obvious that you want to do the right thing for your mum, so have your wake and have it with the people who know, love and respect you and your mum.

this ^^^^^^ do what's in your heart Pirate and not try to please other people 

This is so true pirate.  And I like to think that all of us here will be there with you and your mum rather than with your sister and whatever strange affair she's making of your dearest mom's passing. 

What everyone's said   ^^

Keep your dignity.

This ain't the only dimension.

It's very sad when families can't come together at such a meaningful time in life. Despite the pain of your loss and the way you're being treated you are showing integrity in the way you're handling it. When you look back at this time you shouldn't have any regrets, you're behaving with dignity even though you hurt so much right now. I don't know how your sister will feel when she looks back but even if she doesn't regret how she's treated you it's important that you don't have any regrets. You have a lot of support here, sometimes people online who we never meet can be more supportive than those we know in real life. I wish you strength in the time ahead xxx

Well said Yellow Rose very wise advice.

Originally Posted by Jenstar:

Aww pirate mate I bet I know which wake your ma will be at

If there's a viewing they'll just find a wee note....

......SORRY I COULDN'T MAKE IT,

......I'M OVER AT pirate AND HIS MATES'

 

REGARDS, MUM.

 

 

Love it 

Very good advice Pirate

Tis criminal to have good clothing burnt.....folk would pay good money for charity clothing...which is where all clothing should end up if no-one in the family want it!

As for asking for a donation towards cost...well she should have asked for a contribution to what you all want for your Mum....tis a disgrace that she ride ruff shod over everyone...shame on her!

You do what you feel is right for you in the memory of you Mother Pirate! 

How are you doing a.t.m. Pirate? 

Thinking about you pirate

Thinking of you too, Pirate 

So sorry to read this... my sincere sympathy.

I'm afraid that I'm going to go across the grain here: you're keeping quiet but are full of resentment and anger: what good is that ever going to do to anyone, least of all you?.. I think you're step/half sis has cared for your mum for yonks, yes? And you fell out cos of your behaviour when you were shit-faced? I can just imagine your sis' telling her side of the story on this forum and everyone sticking up for her! 

Pirate, please try and stay sober, please  assert what you want rather than acquiesce to her and forever hold resentment and blame her for everything

How are you today pirate? 

i can only agree with you

youre right

dont like admitting it but you are

but i have done my fair share of caring for her-and i also did it when i was a kid when my dad had a stroke

but the rest of what you say is true

'suppose its all the upset thats making me being a twit

but i gotta say thanks for all your replies & thoughts

it makes a difference

I wasn't being critical of you pirate and certainly don't think you're a twit Just want you to look after yourself and even though you've made some mistakes in the past, (like everyone has!) I don't want you to make the mistake now of not saying what you want for your mum and forever holding on to resentment. Please take care of yourself

dont be daft

sometimes it takes me a while to wise up a bit

i honestly appreciate what you said

it was my birthday a couple of days back

i got older & a bit more wiser lol

i'll be in M&S cardigans next

Awww, did we miss it having posted greeting on your wrong birthday! I don't suppose it will have been a happy one under the circumstance, but it would have been even worse if you'd got an MnS cardi!

its been wrong for the last couple of years but i could never be arsed to change it!

and an S&M cardigan would be ok 

LOL, glad to see you've still got your sense of humour at this difficult time

had to clear out some stuff from ma's today

i could hear her in my head saying

'and where do you think youre going with that'

I took me many years to clear my mum and dads stuff when they passed. We still have her ornaments wrapped up and boxed. Strange how you can get rid of clothing but not he many ornaments she had in her glass cabinet 

Hope it wasn't too tough on you Pirate, although it can stir some great long forgotten memories

we found a letter from my nan on my moms side to me wishing me happy birthday with an ENGLISH pound note inside

we found a few pics of me as a teen

OH said i looked 'sultry' lol

I could hear the same thing in my head after the bastards left my parent's house having stolen my not long passed mum's jewellery. I'd asked my dad to look after it because he lives in a village and I live in London. As her only daughter I lost all her things, importantly her engagement and wedding band but also my great-great grandmothers wedding band. 

Having said all of that pirate, I also heard my mum saying to me 'It is only things. Don't be upset over things.' 

Xochi

ive took things from ma's

i felt like i was ransacking the place

but if i didnt have it, it would have gone to the tip

personal things like photos i took

then moms iron & clock

then someone found my dads old watch in a jug/jar thing

and his old wallet & a certificate when i took my mom to the top of blackpool tower & she was shouting to get out the lift & i was p*ssing myself laughing, then she starteted laughing when she got down

i took her to the pier & got her a birthday thing of the day she was born,fed her candy floss & fish & chips

took her home

got her ready for bed

give her a cup of the old china

happy times

Oh pirate! That has brought a tear to my eyes.  Happy times indeed though! 

Happy belated birthday Pirate  Glad you're feeling more positive

From me to you!

I can understand that Pirate,,, two years ago when my mum died, I lost the plot and wrecked the house, its all part of the healing process