That's very sad madamski
have you stayed in touch with her since your brother split up with her? If not then I guess it would feel a bit awkward.
Did your brother and her have any kids? if so his new wife has no right to expect him not to attend.

Lexi, I'm so sorry. I have to go to bed now, but I would say go, allthough I know it will be hard for you. As you say she was a childhood friend

hya  x  i did keep in touch  with her  , she was my closest friend  , but sadly , know children were involved

If you want to go then you should. If you want to avoid any trouble at the funeral you could arrive last, sit at the back and leave first. That way you have done what you wanted and no trouble.

Nothing to stop you going and paying your respects. You can slip away quietly if the atmosphere isn't pleasant, you don't need to go to the 'afters' and at least you can say you did what you wanted!     Aww bluddy families eh? Have a hug! 

I am very sorry Madamski I don't know what the answer is, but all I can say is that you should go with your instincts, and if you feel it is something you want to do, then go and pay your respects......

 low that is my plan now  , see how it goes thanks

What an awful thing to happen, I so sorry madamski. If it were my ex sister-in-law I would definitely go, I still love her to bits. Surely her family will understand that you liked her and want to pay your respects.

Sorry to hear about your loss Madamski.   If I was you I would go to the funeral despite your brothers reservations.   Perhaps if you go your Dad may also feel up to going as well.

ive made my mind up now , i'm going   thank you all i did think it was the right thing to do , i dont care now if her sisters think i'm intruding , she was my friend before being my sis in law

Way to go Madamski......instinct is always best   I'm sure her sisters won't really  dwell on who is there , or not.

 Go with what 'you' feel is right

aw stoory thanks   ive made my mind up i'm going , but ive a feeling my bruv will regret not going , its sad and tragic

Good for you going madamski, if your ex SIL thought enough of you to stay in touch after the separation then I don't see why her family would complain about you paying your respects.
Perhaps you could telephone her family beforehand to see how they would feel about flowers from your whole family if your dad and brother would like to pay their respects that way.

It's a fraught time, so sorry for your loss as well as all the worry

i'm glad i can get advice from you all , its really helped me make my mind up , i think my bro should go or he will regret it at some point  , but i'm going

My sister left her alcoholic husband after 22 years of marriage (some years ago now) THREE YEARS LATER HE DIED THROUGH ALCOHOL RELATED PROBLEMS. mE. MY HUSBAND, daughter, mother and sister all attended the funeral and kept a back seat in the proceedings. He had been part of our lives for a long time and we wanted to be there.
We didn't go to the wake ........we went back to my sisters house ..............a few hours later his sisters came and it was all very emotional (it took many years for his mother to forgive but she has now).
If she was a childhood friend and you got on well I think you should go .............it's not about your brothers relationship with her - it's all about your own relationship. I think you'll feel better for going.

Thats a shame, it's not like his new partner could feel threatened by her anymore is it?

Glad to see you have made your mind up to go though, doubt many people would cause trouble at their sisters funeral over who has attended and/or not.

Heres a hug for you

I haven't gone to funerals that I would have been expected to go to.

I've never regretted it  .

You don't have to be there to mourn with the masses .....to think , and love someone .

I'm a private griever, and if people don't understand that  

Just do what you think is right Madamski, and bugger what anyone thinks about it.

You don't have to be there to prove your grief

thanks jen ............. and sooz  btw thats how i feel , its between me and  her , not her relationship with my bro  thanks for confirming that , i miss her  badly

Stoory ................i know where you're coming from but - I think it's the very last thing you can do for a person. It may seem silly but - a good turn out - is somehow giving respect to the person who has died.
I guess we're all different ........i dont think it's about personal grief - it's simply a very public way of paying respect IMO.

i do think now its the last thing i can do ,  i was always there for her  ............ i must prove that now ,,,,,,   but as for my bruvs new squeeze  ....... meh

"A good turn out ' is always something my dad says........I know exactly what he means, but I wouldn't measure the worth of someone by the amount of people that attended their funeral

I think it's just nice for the family to see how many people care.
It's not about measuring their worth, IMO.

Madamski, big hugs and I would go.

Follow your heart as to whether to go or not but imho I feel you should as she was a long time friend of yours.  It would be nice if your brother's new partner also let him go so that he'll have closure, would be even better if she accompanied him to help him through it if memories are brought back to him, which invariably they are when a passing occurs. If he feels he can't go on the day maybe he could visit her grave at some time and share his thoughts and feelings. (((((Hugs))))) for you and all who are mourning a loss. xxxxx

I'd go. My 2 pence, or 2 cents, or whatever the exchange rate is nowadays.

I would go madamski
*warm friendly smile*

I'd go. Your brother isn't against you going, he only cant go because of how it may affect his current situation (which is sad). It's different if you were going reluctantly on your brother's behalf or just to show that someone from the family attended, but that isn't the case. She was your friend for many years, and regardless what may or may not have happened between her and your brother or other members of both families, this is about you going to remember her and pay your own respects to someone who was your friend.

Don't feel guilty or that you will be disloyal to anyone by attending, because you wont xx

If it was me, I would definitely go to the funeral and sit at the back as other people have said, and then leave.  I would see the wake as being a more private family gathering which it might not be appropriate for you to attend, but if you feel you want to be at the ceremony to say your goodbyes, then you should be there.

If it were me I would definitely go.

I'd go!
And as said maybe your brother could pay his respects by donating to a charity or putting towards the flowers....his new partner could surely not object to that. He needn't even tell her. (although I don't condone secrets between partners)
 for you Madamski.

How sad Madamski, but imo you are doing the right thing.  Your indeciveness initally showed that you knew deep down it is the best thing for you to do.  Good luck to you, and I hope your brother never lives to regret it. xx

I think the family would probably appreciate the fact that you want to go even after the split with your brother...who should go if he wants too regardless of what his new partner wants...especially if they had kids together (I dunno if they did)

You are doing the right thing madamski, as you say she was a very close Friend of yours, you need to say goodbye

I agree with the rest you should go if you feel you want to.. 

Also your bro was married to her at one point and regardless of the fact they split up eventually there must have been something there at the start so if he wants to attend he should tell his new partner it's none of her business and he's entitled to pay his respects.

Agree with Olly about your brother, madamski.
It really is nothing to do with his new partner, but she was his wife and he loved her once, even though things turned out badly.
Have a hug, cos you have lost a friend.

If she was your friend then you are entitled to go to her funeral, no-on else comes into it really.Thats it, it seems the right thing to do, and it's what you want to do, you don't need to ask anyone elses opinion, she was your friend.

Big hugs lexie , and yes, I'd go too, without a doubt

Then in that case, you should go .....   .... I would if I were in your shoes

So how did it go? Or maybe it's too soon, but anyways let us know eh?    

Mrs Joe has been to some rather awkward funerals recently.  She was dreading meeting certain other mourners. However in her mind it's all about the dear departed.