Phew....can I have a Crabbies now please? 
Grabs the last of the Crabbies.. Eeek only 20 bottles left!! I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!!!
Hmmmmm That would make a great TV show (When they invent the bleeding thing)
Right, I have deliberated carefully 
, ignored my first 7 sensible and well thought out deductions, and finally plumped for the one person who, for no reason that makes any sense whatsoever, must have dun it.
The murdererererer is YOU.... Dr Heimlich Manoeuvre!! 
You were the one who brought the gun on to the ship and as the great Mr Occam once said..... the simplest theory is the best one to go with till you know better (and it's doubtful I'm ever gonna know better no matter how much time I waste on this thing 
. The gun was quite simply used by it's owner. 
You're a clever man though, it has to be said. You've gone to some length to put us all off the scent. Pointing out to us all the poor misguided souls who came to you for so called medical advice..... making sure they visited you in your cabin so you could claim others had access to the murder weapon.
And then there is your "alibi". Ha! Except as a medical "expert" you have access and knowledge of all sorts of dodgy substances, things that you could slip into a cocktail or two and leave the recipient unable to remember the time you slipped out of the bar and headed to the bridge to murder the Captain. You made poor Izzy dizzy ....and hence an unreliable witness 
You claim you wanted just to frighten the Captain, and maybe you really believed that yourself before you saw him smoking his pipe and looking smug and content, but I'm guessing when it came to it your ego just couldn't handle leaving him alive and able to still appreciate the day he got one over on the great Dr H........child prodigy, egomaniac, and soon to be convicted murderer.
Phew....can I have a Crabbies now please?
it iz true zat I am clever but a MURDERER!! Nein
I would have thought a doctor would have put cyanide in his pipe to kill him. Tricky one to sus
Herr Doctor you have murdered nein people 
*tears up previous accusation and arrests the Doc
insults! always ze insults on my culture and being ze German
nein I will not stand for it
I'll sit down instead
*Searches for final clues in the bowels of the ship*
*clenches*
*reclines gracefully*
Surprise surprise 
*hides from Cilla...sorry, Willet in drag*
Struts in... Did I miss anything?
*Searches for final clues in the bowels of the ship*
Ahhh I thought I was just hungry. Chews on Crab sandwiches.
Struts in... Did I miss anything?
I dunno. Were you aiming for something?
Struts in... Did I miss anything?
Not yet, darling. I think we are waiting for Hagatha's twin sister, or whoever she is, to figure all this out.
*Goes to change trousers*
*Goes to change trousers*
Why don't you try a looser pair tonight, darling? I love to window shop as much as the next girl, but it's always more fun when not all the goods are on display.
*Goes to change trousers*
well hello sailor...removes goggles 
*stalkerdar on hight alert* 
*wanders to the bar for a large glass of red*
*Goes to change trousers*
well hello sailor...removes goggles *stalkerdar on hight alert*
*wanders to the bar for a large glass of red*
You did that on purpose didn't you darling?? Put those goggles back on and make me feel better about not accusing you.
PUT 'EM BACK ON!!
*Goes to change trousers*
who are you and what af you done wiz ze bear?
*Goes to change trousers*
Why don't you try a looser pair tonight, darling? I love to window shop as much as the next girl, but it's always more fun when not all the goods are on display.
*Strolls back in in my Oxford bags*
Good evening Ladies 
I found three grand in the back pocket of my old Oxfords, drinks are on me.
*Goes to change trousers*
who are you and what af you done wiz ze bear?
*Goes to change trousers...again*
*Goes to change trousers*
Why don't you try a looser pair tonight, darling? I love to window shop as much as the next girl, but it's always more fun when not all the goods are on display.
*Strolls back in in my Oxford bags*
Good evening Ladies
I found three grand in the back pocket of my old Oxfords, drinks are on me.
Oh, how fabulous darling! Line up the Screaming Orgasms and let's get started!
You did that on purpose didn't you darling?? Put those goggles back on and make me feel better about not accusing you.
I feel a new adventure coming, I may leave the Pink Peril behind... I was wondering if his Highness would loan me one of his places on Wonga 
PUT 'EM BACK ON!!
Jebus 
*Goes to change trousers*
who are you and what af you done wiz ze bear?
*Goes to change trousers...again*
I'm Ensign Muf Sir, I steer der 'boot'
Ich also fluent in broken Deutschen
*Nips out to change trousers* 
Crabbies and Bitter lemon please Bar thing whatsitsname
You did that on purpose didn't you darling?? Put those goggles back on and make me feel better about not accusing you.
I feel a new adventure coming, I may leave the Pink Peril behind... I was wondering if his Highness would loan me one of his places on Wonga
I'm sure he would be thrilled to darling, he would be sure to make a killing on the repayments as you have no hope of reading the small print.
PUT 'EM BACK ON!!
*Goes to change trousers*
Why don't you try a looser pair tonight, darling? I love to window shop as much as the next girl, but it's always more fun when not all the goods are on display.
*Strolls back in in my Oxford bags*
Good evening Ladies
I found three grand in the back pocket of my old Oxfords, drinks are on me.
Oh, how fabulous darling! Line up the Screaming Orgasms and let's get started!
Yay! Screaming orgasms and crabbies all round
I'm sure he would be thrilled to darling, he would be sure to make a killing on the repayments as you have no hope of reading the small print.
you have a point there Mrs Gonyett
*Goes to change trousers*
Why don't you try a looser pair tonight, darling? I love to window shop as much as the next girl, but it's always more fun when not all the goods are on display.
*Strolls back in in my Oxford bags*
Good evening Ladies
I found three grand in the back pocket of my old Oxfords, drinks are on me.
Oh, how fabulous darling! Line up the Screaming Orgasms and let's get started!
Yay! Screaming orgasms and crabbies all round
Yes all join me Feel the power of the Crabbies
I'm sure he would be thrilled to darling, he would be sure to make a killing on the repayments as you have no hope of reading the small print.
you have a point there Mrs Gonyett
I'll get him his fortune back somehow, darling and that's as good a way as any. I am sure that the Princey Poos would give you a discounted rate if you were to promote his services, darling.
*Goes to change trousers*
Why don't you try a looser pair tonight, darling? I love to window shop as much as the next girl, but it's always more fun when not all the goods are on display.
*Strolls back in in my Oxford bags*
Good evening Ladies
I found three grand in the back pocket of my old Oxfords, drinks are on me.
Oh, how fabulous darling! Line up the Screaming Orgasms and let's get started!
Yay! Screaming orgasms and crabbies all round
Yes all join me Feel the power of the Crabbies
Emily, darling, pass me your goggles please!
*Goes to change trousers*
Why don't you try a looser pair tonight, darling? I love to window shop as much as the next girl, but it's always more fun when not all the goods are on display.
*Strolls back in in my Oxford bags*
Good evening Ladies
I found three grand in the back pocket of my old Oxfords, drinks are on me.
Oh, how fabulous darling! Line up the Screaming Orgasms and let's get started!
Yay! Screaming orgasms and crabbies all round
Yes all join me Feel the power of the Crabbies
Emily, darling, pass me your goggles please!
*Goes to change trousers*
Why don't you try a looser pair tonight, darling? I love to window shop as much as the next girl, but it's always more fun when not all the goods are on display.
*Strolls back in in my Oxford bags*
Good evening Ladies
I found three grand in the back pocket of my old Oxfords, drinks are on me.
Oh, how fabulous darling! Line up the Screaming Orgasms and let's get started!
Yay! Screaming orgasms and crabbies all round
Yes all join me Feel the power of the Crabbies
You've aged over night James Farley!!
Have you been worried about anything??
I'll get him his fortune back somehow, darling and that's as good a way as any. I am sure that the Princey Poos would give you a discounted rate if you were to promote his services, darling.
I would be interested to know what the Prince of Wonga's rates were Mrs Gonyett, I'm sure they would be reasonable
*Goes to change trousers*
who are you and what af you done wiz ze bear?
*Goes to change trousers...again*
I'm Ensign Muf Sir, I steer der 'boot'
Ich also fluent in broken Deutschen
*Nips out to change trousers*
Sie ist ein dummkopf aber ich mag dich
