No, just wrong again

that's why you kept singing It wasn't me

shurrrup you I'm not limp wristed  

I read that as "stunted".

but, hey, man. I think I can help you with that stunned thing. Try this little blue pill. It'll relax you, and you'll realize that life is a cabaret, old chum!

Yu Lie......oh indeed you do!

Enigmatic and unintelligable, you wear your Far Eastern origins with pride . Luckily, no one knows you are wanted back in China to stand trial, charged with having an illicit affair with the Chinese Emperor. Hiding aboard the Blackbird suits you just fine!

It had occurred to you that one way to earn a lot of money in a hurry (at least enough to start you up in your own business) by betraying Captain Black to the authorities, leading to his capture or death. After all, if Barnie Caul has a 20 guinea price on his head, Captain Black would have to have been worth at least double. 

You believe your Uncle Hung Low lives somewhere in the New York area. You hope he will help you use your savings to start a Chinese style restaurant, where you can sell your special recipe chicken testicle dumplings and sharks fin soup

 It most definitely COULD be you!

He's my muse.

You still aren't in the clear, Mr Jones, are you? Poor Vi, she will be just another single mother, trying to scrape a livin' in this awful town. An officer of the law barin' thechild of  murderer, it would be funneh if it weren't so verreh, verreh sad.

OI!!!!!! I'm the one with the tunes...Hic!

I knew it!!!

But hey, it's cool, man!

She killed the Cap'n so she could start up a chinese takeaway?

He'll be turning in his watery grave.

*stops dead in tracks and wonders if the grog has affected hearing*

 I'll not be a holdin' me breath though!!

Hold on here, just be holding on !

we got this old biddy, she's drunk and probably stoned tryin' to suss a killer out...well I be tellin' ye what 'append and not some unshaven old bag that's forgotten to change her tenna

I got something to show ye all

In a Purple Haze, I see Crabs......Eave Ho....she/he did it....me dear old Da wasn't afussed.......  

Oh shove it snotty knickers. My Lancey be innocent, stoned off his head, but innocent all the same.

LANCE....PUT THAT AWAY....poor Eave will faint if she sees that. 

the first thing I got ter show ye before I explain.... that Brassy wench really pissed me off

Keep it in your pantaloons Lancey boy. Ye be in enough trouble!

*averts gaze*

*faints*

*faints next to Snotty Knickers*

I knew I should ave learned that old reading thing on me ma's knee....twas the flagons that stopped me!

now I be explain' a long story bit it won;t be as long as Miss lost her marbles

ye all sitting comfortable like?

Tip toe through the tulips with me 

Tip toe from your pillow 

to the shadow of a willow tree 

and tip toe through the tulips with me 

Knee deep in flowers we'll stray 

We'll keep the showers away 

and if I kiss you in the garden 

in the moonlight 

will you pardon me 

come tip toe through the tulips with me 

  

*lights up another doobie*

Hey man, that's kinda cool, ain't it? You kill someone, and you get away with it cuz it's a favor to society or somethin'? I'm down with that.

Cap'n Black, he had a real dark aura, didn't he now? Sometimes ya gotta help fate out a bit and make the world a better place.

I think we should all hold hands and sing,now, don't you all think so?

Determined to get hold of that map at any cost, I managed to search the captain’s cabin on three separate occasions but to no avail.  I found the secret hiding place put in by carpenter Gayle Force but found it empty.  The Captain must have realized someone was after the map and hidden it elsewhere.  Then one morning I saw Warren Peace rise from his night slumber and without further ado climb down a rope for an early morning swim.  Most unusual for him, so I followed, making sure I wasn’t seen. Presently, I realized he was following Captain Black in the dinghy, making for a small island.  Having fleetingly seen the treasure map once, when the Captain originally took possession of it, I knew the treasure was buried somewhere on an island so my hopes started to rise.

Imagine my disappointment when I realized Captain Black was merely visiting the grave of his dead eldest brother killed some time ago in a pirate skirmish. It wasn’t till later that I realized Captain Black was no family man and wouldn’t give two hoots for his eldest brother or the rest of his family, dead or alive.

Visiting the Captain in his cabin, I confronted him, telling him I had worked

out that the Santa Armarda treasure was buried under his brother’s body and that he had doctored the original treasure map just to show the way to his brother’s grave.  I suggested we split the treasure between the two of us, and initially he agreed, saying he would show me the original treasure map. But as he pulled it out of his pocket, he also pulled a dagger from his boot and there followed a struggle.  Unfortunately for Captain Black, the knife slipped between his ribs and he collapsed to the floor, dead.

I will show you all the original un-doctored version of the Santa Armarda treasure map. I would have been granted immunity from prosecution for Captain Black’s murder, due to my possession of the Caribbean Codicil, it was my intention to return to Montezuma’s island, dig up my treasure and live out my days as a very rich man. The only thing left to worry about is the curse of the SantaArmarda treasure. 

It was self defense, I ain't got a murdering bone in me body I'd found a wench I could sail off in the sunset with, I would have died young but happy

That posh bird Brassy spoiled it fer me and Vi, I'm sure she must have looked up Vi's other cases

I now will have to try and work a deal out with Longshanks not to swing me off the gallows I'm sure he be up for a game of cards If I play this hand right, I'm sure I can work a deal

**Gets a round of Flagons in**

**Gets comfy on Barstool**

*clambers up as lady like as possible*

Ah knew it, Ah just knew it! Vi, you really are as useless as they all said you were. Ah am sure mah new Detective Agency will really take off now, Ah will not be poor after all

 I was getting to that!

bye Ant!   bye Dec!

I'm all ears and looking forward to this tale 

Pmsl @ Gayle, she sounds stoned

 errrmmm you think?

ye old fart...took you an age...reminds me of that meal we once had....

* I've really got bad giggles*

I'll post the map when ye have all digested the true facts

Oh dear god....she solved it!

Don't ye be a worryin' Lover Boy, I'll come with yer ter see ol' Longshanks, I'll get yer off  Mebbe we'll threaen ter tell his Missus about all them wimmin and stuff, I ain't averse ter a spot of blackmail if it means my baby has a daddy 

fecking slow readers

well BJ while you're visiting old Longshanks, I'll be visiting an island