I just wish I'd invented goggles

*I have a cold and you just made me have a coughing fit*

Yu Lie can make ye a potion for that

I think I be sticking with me cough*

Sorry  Hope you feel better soon....and brace yerself cos my accusation may bring on another fit!!!!

*waits*

Hic! is this here the place to av it out with the Murderer? Hic!

That it be me lovely Rust Bucket 

I think Vi and BJ have been aving it out already Rusty

Jealous? I told ye, get a shave, see a dentist and yer never know yer luck 

Eave Hoe, don't be pulling that sweet innocent face at me!!!!!!

*books Rusty appointment at Specsavers*

Tis nice to see someone believes in me innocence.

I know who I DON'T think is innocent! I think I 'av cracked the case!

Hic!....Me dear old mam told me about the Captain and how crabby he was........

lets be having it then, me potions wearing off

Unlike most of you bilge rats I joined Cap’n Blacks crew by my own volition. I wanted to be a pirate so I did! I wasn’t ‘ere for what I could get out of Inky Black, I was ‘ere for what I could give back to the man who gaves me the opportunity to prove I’m better than any man, woman or parrot. So I am in a good position to cast me pretty unpatched eye arounds the lot of ya’s to see who be the guilty one.

*looks at each blaggard in turn and prays to the pirate gods that me pretty eye lands on the correct one*

Which one of you killed Cap’n Inky Black? It be YOU……YU LIE!

Killed him to save your own skin ya did.

A warrant was out for your arrest….I wonder how much you were worth to the person willing to hand you over to the Emperor huh? It must ‘av been a nerve wracking way to live…cooped up with the least trust worthy people on the seven seas. Every day wondering which one of us was going to hand ye in and earn ourselves the bounty. Must have seemed like a good idea to get ye thieving hands on Inky’s treasure and set ye self up for life aways from the untrustworthy scum. 

But how to get ye hands on the treasure map? Easy….you were the only the one the poor Cap’n trusted! This be a man who used to sleep with both eyes open and vowed never to be trusting no one as long as his breath still stank of grog and seaweed. 

How did you do it Yu Lie? Some sort of magical potion, slipped into his bedtime wine? A potion to make him trust the likes of you must have been a strong ‘un.  Did you slip a truth potion in there while yous were at it? Asked a few questions about the buried treasure? The one who killed Inky must have know where the treasure be buried…why else be killing the hand that feeds ya unless you knew where enough treasure to last ye all your days be hidden….I had the map and I didn’t kill him……so that only leaves the one person poor ole Inky “trusted” enough to divulge his secret hiding place to. YU!

Oh how could you Yu Lie? He gave you sanctuary and you murdered him.

Yu Lie by name.....Yu Lying Evil Murdering Witch by nature. 

Yu lie aint be having a good day

Eave Hoe went below deck with her crabs to the Doc....

Sophie more Brass than  Silver was weeping (as always) in the galley...

Twas jealousy that caused it......nobody wants to share their crabs with another!!!!!!!!!

wanna ying hai tu hin

Raht, Ah suppose Ah have to be accusin’ one of you for this most vile of murders. Ah have been thinkin’ long and hard about this and Ah believe Ah have this crime all wrapped up. Ah have decided that now mah career as an owner of a fahn jewellery boutique may be about to end as mah supplier is the victim of this hideous crime, Ah will set up as a Private Detective in this town, Ah hace found mah callin’ in life.

Ah believe, 100%, that the murder of my darlin’ ol’ Inky is none other than Lance Bigworth-Jones.

You lied to us raht from the beginnin’ bah pretendin’ to be someone you aren’t. Ah believe you are in debt on an enormous scale and that you found yourself owing money to Lord Longshanks and that he told you about the treasure on board the Blackbird and the treasure it may yet find. You found a way to get yourself on board and the rest is history.

You also showed yourself up by gettin’ involved with that awful Vi creature. Ah have never seen such blatant distraction of the law enforcement. Mahnd you, she does appear to be verreh easily led astray, that one.

Anyway, you did it Lance and you will hang for it so don’t you be worryin’ if that Vi has given you a nasty leavin’ present because you won’t be needin’ a cure from Mr Force.

wanan wan ye scurrilous sewer dogs with bad teeth

ye wasn't me ye

going to put me case to ye all

An admission of guilt if ever I heard one.

funny aint it Brassy   here be my thoughts

I be givin' this a lot of thought, it be hard for a man to be using his brains while his nether regions are being pushed to the limits

There only be one killer for me, the one that had the most to gain, the one who that be in cahoots with Longshanks The one that cheated, stole and played one man off against tother The one that would sell their granny and sole soul to make a doubloon or two and the one that had inside information from the Captains quarters and then run to Longshanks and inform him of everything

The one the Captain stopped supplying, and probably the one that got caught stealing and then selling a ring back to it's original owner. The one with the plum stuck in her mouth and full of airs and graces, yet she be the one the one that leads the lie of a life.

Pirates be liars, robbers and murderous villians and I wouldn't trust any one of us, that be including meself But Miss Sophie Silverbrass hides behind her finery and to all in Freeport she be a member of the high society but lower than a ships rat

Aye Brassy, ye be the one who did the captain in

It be with minimum hope and maximum guess work that I be accusin’ ye...... Yu Lie fer the murrrrderrrrr of the very dead and not much lamented Cap’n Inky Black.

I be reckonin that ye not be as linguistically challenged as ye been a makin’ out and that it were ye that wrote that letter ter the Admiral bloke in very good English. I be thinkin’ that ye not some amazin’ Eastern mystic or medic or whatever ye claim ter be. I reckon ye be sent ter this here ship by that ol’ rascal Lord Longshanks and ye be more of a spy that that Carry wench could ever dream of a bein’.

Ye been a passin’ yer findin’s on ter ol’ Longshanks via that chef that Snotty Sophie a seen yer a talkin’ ter. Longshanks be after that cursed treasure ad be a knowin’ ye could be a helpin’ him, maybe in payment fer him a gettin’ that ol’ Emperor bloke off yer back. I mean, I bet he were a wishin’ all kinds of evil on ye fer the mess ye caused.

Ol’ Inky commanded a crew of untrustworthy eejits an’ all ye had ter do was weedle yer way into his good books with a few potions here and there, maybe tellin’ him yer could help ‘dispose’ of the ruffians an’ all that. Yer never did answer the questions about the medicine/chemical cabinet with the missin’ key an’ all that, mebbe that be because yer couldn’t think of a good enough lie!

I be reckonin’ that ye killed the Cap’n because he be a gettin’ all suspicious of ye himself and ye panicked. Ye needed ter get away from the threat of the Emperor and if ye needed ter kill ter do it, then so be it.

And there it be, another accusation from me. Me gast would be well an’ truly flabbered if I be right.

I think me gast be safe.

Wanan tang hui xieixie *bows*

After much and long deliberation I accuse ye scurfy dog Warren Peace

As Sophie strumpet said

‘warren is far too noseh for his own good’

Herein lies ye nub

Hai yang tai hau

His nosiness made him greedy combined with the longing for ye laid back lazy life of  writer on a Carribean Island which ye admitted he wanted – but this admission doesn’t fool ye yu Lie  because -   He scurrilous bilge rat –  by wanting this life was willing to murder for his craft.

 The main piece of evidence is his complete denial at seeing the captain’s log .I admit I took ye opportunity to take a quick peek at it –it was irresistible amidst the commotion going on all around me – I opened it trying not to think of ye curse being put on ye – but  as soon a s I opened it  a feather fell out of the pages – it definitely belonged to Peace’s quill – yet he denied seeing the log – WHY??? – cos ye is the murderer

You mei you ren gei wo liu hua

Amazingly ye was also like the Captain’s shadow – the Capn’ didn’t want him following him – no way was Peace writing a book he was following th eCap,n to find booty /map of ye long lost Sante Armada – this was the ultimate motive – author – piffle

Warren Peace also didn’t intervene in the capn’s fights  not cos he was  a potential landlubber – Ye merely hoped the Capn could be killed so he could grab the riches and live the life of a supposed writer .

The story of following the Capn and being attacked by sharks – ye  piffle – he actually followed the capn to the Island and saw where the Treasure was  hidden – the Capn saw him  and was  ye furious- then Capn’ black was going to make him walk the plank and  at this point warren Peace snapped . He saw his lazy life disappearing. The fact that ye also said he wanted to be ye land lubber -  ye  foot – ye scurfy rat wanted to be a RICH landlubber

 Pinyin wanan haijung

The reason he did not recognise the pirate sharing the conversation – was simple – there was no conversation and no pirates – Peace made it up as  a smoke screen in the plot to steal the map /booty –

He is also  ye slippery Eel with ye questions – he was always changing what he said – he wasn’t consistent  .

 Why???? – because he is ye scurrilous murderer covering his tracks – He couldn’t remember if he had asked Gayle Force for the Key , He also stole My key  and Read the log – which he again denied

WARRENPEACE – Ye murdered Capn Black

Our gasts shall stand or fall together

Twas Eave Hoe, another smitten wench, like me dear old Mam.......gawd rest me Dads soul....(Dirty old man that e was)

It kept ye out of bed for all of 10 minutes me wench, you put a lot of thought into it

I'll happily share my glory or misery with ye 

Just make sure you have a shave first!!!!

ye now off for ye grog

slips the 'orrible Britworth a potion to get rid of cough cos ye yu lie covets him

Barnie Caul.  You’re a vicious, nasty drunk addled ruffian who scared the life out of everyone associated with you, including old Inky.   Look the wrong way at you and you'd get a lash from that cat of his. *wibble*   The Captain tried very hard to get rid of old Barney and roped gawd knows how many people into his plan to do it.  Now then, why was the Captain so keen on leaving you stranded on a desert island? Did you turn the tables and stick the knife in good and proper? Mutiny was always on your mind but would ye have done the captain in, well rumours are ye did the last one in and the first mate so it can’t be discounted.

Sophie Silverbrass would have us believe she’s nowt but a demure woman.  Accepted baubles from the Captain so what did he get in return?  Was she in the pay of Longshanks as well?  What were the true purpose of her soirees?  Was it to gather information on some to pass on to old Longshanks or was she the Freetown Floosie or the Freetown Fence to all and sundry?  The biggest question of all is what was written in her diary and was she blackmailing Inky?  We know she double crossed Inky pilfering his booty but what else did her delicate hands do?

Sir Lancelot  Britworth-Jones or should that be Lance Jones?  Hummm claims to be a servant that changed his name to sound more toff like.  Why?  Manservant to the Duke of Devonshire!  Master of disguise but did he extend that to master of doing people in that refuse to pay their dues at gambling? Well fellow conspirators this person was also a known card shark who would fleece a lamb and eat its flesh before you could put a kettle on to boil!   He’s admitted to stealing some trinkets from Inky to pay for gambling debts but was he caught stealing and did he run the Captain through because he was caught?

Eave Hoe.  A wench masquerading as a pirate, not unheard of but tis terrible unlucky to have a wench aboard (especially if you get deaded by a knife when you’re the captain).  I thought that tash she sports was real (in fact I’m sure it is -  hormones don’t you know).  Now just because she has halitosis and a dreadful taste in stories, is this enough to condemn her for murder?  Found captains map in a book or so she says but was she caught copying it by the Captain cos he wasn’t as asleep as she thought?

Eave Hoe.  A wench masquerading as a pirate, not unheard of but tis terrible unlucky to have a wench aboard (especially if you get deaded by a knife when you’re the captain).  I thought that tash she sports was real (in fact I’m sure it is -  hormones don’t you know).  Now just because she has halitosis and a dreadful taste in stories, is this enough to condemn her for murder?  Found captains map in a book or so she says but was she caught copying it by the Captain cos he wasn’t as asleep as she thought?

Carry Oakey.  One of King James’ quartermaster’s  that still has me laughing especially as this is yet another wench masquerading as a pirate/sailor.   Claims Inky let her stay because she was good at steerage and navigational stuff.  I myself know that Inky didn’t want anyone involved in the navigation of this ship never mind steerage!   Never fully explained her dealings with prisoner welfare.  What did she really do for her pay from the admiralty or as innocent as she’d have us believe? 

Yu Lie.  Oriental flower known for her chemistry and ability to make things go poof right before your eyes!  Says she’s also a doctor but why would Inky need her if he had saw bones Gayle Force?  Inky wouldn’t want to split any booty with another person if’n they be doubling up on jobs!   Seen conversing with Longshank's chef – were she working for Longshanks?  Did she get caught out?  Tries to confuddle us all with her lack of English but I believe she speaks perfect English on account of her being from Borham Wood what with her father running a laundry there.  Only one allowed in the booty room but did the Captain find some items missing from the light fingered Yu Lie if in fact (and it’s a big if) that she was allowed the key to the booty room.  I for one don’t believe it.   Why did the captain want the prisoners from the garrison let out in the first place?

Gayle Force.  Ha!  the weirdest story of the lot.  Loves his hippopotamus oath so much says he, that he wanted to go to medical school and become a proper bona fide doctor rather than a ships saw bones.   Wouldn’t give Barnie a knock out punch asked for by the Captain as he said it broke this oath, but was it because he be lily livered rather than having a conscience? Money troubles he had  and  charging pirates after a battle for the care ye should have been giving anyway ye dog – shame on ye!

Rusty Flintlock.  Always hiccupping and appearing to be blinding drunk from the grog but knows more than he’s ever let on.  Boarded in a grain sack!   Silliest story I've ever heard.  What’s all this stuff about the Captain having yet another brother?  I thinks that brother be Rusty  and that he be wanting his brother deaded so he could get his hands on the booty and the Blackbird!  Never fully explained what the gambling debts the crew were supposedly so scared of and what Barnie’s involvement was in it!

Ms Brator you are guilty of crimes against modesty you shameful hussy ye.

You’re all liars and a credit to the Pirate fraternity arrrrr but I think the murderer be Rusty Flintlock! arrrrrrrr!

I thought so too 

....Nooooooooo, he was me Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*swigs last of potion, before it accidently slips out of his hand down the toilet*

so you be Rusty Inky-Black-Flintlock..... ye be easy to find in a telephone book when they invent one

Kylie Minarrrrrrrrggggghhhh!!

'Sposea lot of ye scallywags assume that it be I that ran the cap'n through but I be here to put ye all straight!

Me first thoughts be that it be Vi that done it! Death follows her like gulls follow a trawler and I be thinking that she could be one of them thar serial killers 

Then I be remembering that she wasn't aboard at the time so she must have an accomplice to do the dirty deed for her...Or maybe's I just be talkin' bilge

So who did kill Inky if not Vi?

Well remembering the failed plot to plant a gunpowder bomb under the cap'ns cabin which I be reckoning to be the work of our resident Welsh man Hew Lly  Hu Li  Yu Lie, I be thinking that  she went back to finish the job an' grab the map for herself.

But then she lost the key to the cap'ns cabin so I be changing me mind and be accusing Warren Peace!!!!

In cahoots with the Royal Navy he be spying on the Blackbird but the treasure be turning his head and since the price on Inkys head be dead or alive, I think he decided to get paid twice on this one 

Like my career 

I'm all for another raisin' of the Jolly Todger 

Brother daddy?

And adding her on FB will be a breeze!

I did think about accusin' meself....