Have you left him ?

Had you left him ?

Or are you still at the "let him back stage"

quote:

Originally posted by 12345:
Have you left him ?

Had you left him ?

Or are you still at the "let him back stage"

God no, we had been split on and off for 8 months.

quote:

Originally posted by daydreamy:

quote:

Originally posted by 12345:
Have you left him ?

Had you left him ?

Or are you still at the "let him back stage"

God no, we had been split on and off for 8 months.

Did this happen AFTER you were seperated ?

If so, then I am very very surprised that he has no bail conditions.

quote:

Originally posted by pepsi:

quote:

Originally posted by daydreamy:
Karma, pepsi, everyone thank you I'm glad I'm normal

The putting the rubbish out just did me in, I didnt do mine this week I just havent been working on full power.

Cheers again people

It will do hon ... but every week it will get easier. You have done an amazingly brave first step in leaving him... unless you have been in this situation you do not realise how HARD it is to do. The feeling of being on your own is overwhelming isn't it?... but gradually I found how lovely it is and I became more relaxed and began to enjoy it. It's a healing process ...and I often think it's a very close feeling to a death. You have to go through stages and they are a natural progression ... guilt, worrying, nervous ...and ultimately anger.

There are a good few of us on the forum who have expeerienced all this so don't feel bad for posting about it It's good to share experiences and coping mechanisms. It's good to let your feelings out and share them with people. I have days/weeks where I go right inside myself and hardly post ...but every now and then I have a spurt of posting and joining in ...so I'm still healing I suppose

Healing sounds good, that's what I want.

Or some hypnosis so I can just forget everything, that would be nice

Big Hugs to all who've been through it, or witnessed it.

This is why I can't stand people with controlling personalities. It's like a big, flashing warning sign to me!

quote:

Originally posted by Supercalifragilistic:

quote:

Originally posted by daydreamy:
My children are 8 and 13 and the 13 year old witnessed it all.

To be perfectly honest I just want to hear I'm not daft for feeling the guilt etc because I dont understand it, maybe I'll get back in touch with VS.

Your not daft daydreamy, what you are feeling is v v normal I'm guessing that you've long felt responsible for making him happy/ not upsetting him etc.? If so, guess you may be still doing that now? It's v early days and I agree with op, think that getting in touch with Women's Aid, (or your local equivalent,) would be v v helpful.
Don't underestimate the impact on your kids, they are likely to have v mixed feelings about what he's done to you and will have been affected by what's happened too, so it might help for them to talk to someone too and decide what they want to do about seeing/ not seeing their Dad in both the short and long term. Personally I wouldn't be letting them see him unsupervised in the short term, don't know your situ. but in most cases the perpetrator tries to blame the victim for what happened and you don't want that. Best of luck and well done for getting out of an abusive relationship

my ex used to ...and sometimes still does ... try to make out I am mentally unstable to my kids. He used to try and use that against me to stop me leaving...and tbh he had me in such a self worthless state that I WAS on antidepressants. When the kids were younger he used to blackmail me into staying by saying he would have the kids taken off me if I left with them because I had mental health problems and wasn't fit to look after them

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:

quote:

Originally posted by SazBomb:
I'm getting proper teary reading this thread

me too saz....

i just want to give everyone a hug....

Me too... I have no practical advice so I'm just gonna mooch around offering hugs, wine and cake

dreamy.....

you will heal hun...but it takes time...you've taken a very important and brave step..and right now your head is probably muddled with confusing thoughts

more than likely your worried about what will happen to him now you've told of what's going on...and are now worrying that whatever happens to him with the police will be 'your fault'...it isn't but i can understand why you feel that way.

i can only reassure you that these feelings will pass xxxx

quote:

Originally posted by SazBomb:

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:

quote:

Originally posted by SazBomb:
I'm getting proper teary reading this thread

me too saz....

i just want to give everyone a hug....

Me too... I have no practical advice so I'm just gonna mooch around offering hugs, wine and cake

there's so much i could say saz...but i'm a bit wary of blurting it out on here..but that's more to my own feelings and still moving on i think.

You're all very lovely, now can you all come round my house and give me the cuddles please, that would be ace!

That's what you miss living without a bloke ...Oh my God I sound like the more pathetic Bridget Jones cat woman type *goes to shoot self*

quote:

Originally posted by daydreamy:
Karma, pepsi, everyone thank you I'm glad I'm normal

The putting the rubbish out just did me in, I didnt do mine this week I just havent been working on full power.

Cheers again people

Daydreamy. You were made to feel guilty!When some one is being abused it wears down any self- asteem that you may have! You start to question not only the way you behave,the way you think and in some case question the way you breathe! They infact take control of your very being! You probably have asked yourself many times whether there is any thing you could have done to prevent him behaving like that to you! The answer my love is a resounding NO!He has done what he has done because he is lacking self-control and because he is nothing without the power and the willingness to hurt someone else that and only that is the only way he can feel good about himself!
Feeling guilt is part of a grieving process, it is always very sad when relationships break up it shatter hopes and dreams that you might have had at one time! It will pass and very soon I hope! You are very decent to even consider his requirements Re: the children .I would go very slowly with this personally and do it through either a lawyer or a social worker.
Some very good advice given from Fms they really are lovely you know!
Good luck to you and Karma! Lots of

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:


there's so much i could say saz...but i'm a bit wary of blurting it out on here..but that's more to my own feelings and still moving on i think.

Same here Spongey but am not brave enough to spill all on a forum, too many fruit loops out there.

For every single person that's been through this crap in their life...there is a light at the end of the tunnel..look for it.

quote:

Originally posted by daydreamy:
You're all very lovely, now can you all come round my house and give me the cuddles please, that would be ace!

That's what you miss living without a bloke ...Oh my God I sound like the more pathetic Bridget Jones cat woman type *goes to shoot self*

I can bring wine and cake too?

I can also give you a list of things that you wont miss about living with a bloke, if that will help

Im sure you have gotten enough advice, I will have you in my thoughts...

quote:

Originally posted by daydreamy:
You're all very lovely, now can you all come round my house and give me the cuddles please, that would be ace!

That's what you miss living without a bloke ...Oh my God I sound like the more pathetic Bridget Jones cat woman type *goes to shoot self*

Awww have a virtual

I used to have loads of hugs with my kids ... and still do ... the whole situation has in fact brought me and the kids closer together ...and even though they are now going their own way we keep that closeness. I often feel quite sad because their dad will never have that ... see? I still get sad/guilty feelings even 4 years later!!!

quote:

Originally posted by daydreamy:
Victim Support just called earlier, they were more interested in if I'd heard or had any more hassle from him.

Plus typing it off my chest is helping

I really am sorry to hear about your predicament and wish you well.

If VS didn't suggest it, get in contact with The Children Society - they, I'm sure, offer some sort of mediation service in such cases; if you were able to meet on neutral territory with trained counsellors, who are exprienced in delaing with such matters, it may be the way forward.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:


there's so much i could say saz...but i'm a bit wary of blurting it out on here..but that's more to my own feelings and still moving on i think.

Same here Spongey but am not brave enough to spill all on a forum, too many fruit loops out there.

For every single person that's been through this crap in their life...there is a light at the end of the tunnel..look for it.

q xxxxx.....

quote:

there's so much i could say saz...but i'm a bit wary of blurting it out on here..but that's more to my own feelings and still moving on i think.

sorry.just reading what i put makes it sound like i'm being horrible to people who've had the courage to share what has happened to them.

honestly i'm not...just i haven't the same courage...i wish i had..but i think it's still something i feel ashamed of in a way

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:


sorry.just reading what i put makes it sound like i'm being horrible to people who've had the courage to share what has happened to them.

honestly i'm not...just i haven't the same courage...i wish i had..but i think it's still something i feel ashamed of in a way

I know where you're coming from

q........ xxxxxxx......

I just had a major panic and had run out of fags Have never got dressed and got to the shop so quick in my life! Wonderwomantastic! Dreamy, this is what will end up happening, other stuff will become much more important in the end

Sorry for blurting my stuff out here, but I know when I was going through shit reading about how others coped and had come through the other side was what kept me going. DV is a lonely place to be, no matter how many friends or family you are surrounded by. I hope those who have been through it or are going through it can find a happy resolve xx

and dreamy xxxx....

you HAVE done the right thing

quote:

Originally posted by Karma_:
I just had a major panic and had run out of fags Have never got dressed and got to the shop so quick in my life! Wonderwomantastic! Dreamy, this is what will end up happening, other stuff will become much more important in the end

Sorry for blurting my stuff out here, but I know when I was going through shit reading about how others coped and had come through the other side was what kept me going. DV is a lonely place to be, no matter how many friends or family you are surrounded by. I hope those who have been through it or are going through it can find a happy resolve xx

karma...i did apologise if my post earlier came across as criticising those who'd shared..i hope you know i wouldn't mean it in that way.

you're a very very brave woman...

ps: only time i ever move quickly is when i've run out of cigs or bud...

It's true...noone knows what goes on behind closed doors! The pretence can go on for years and years, and then one day you realise you keep writing his references to save face, which makes it even harder when you finally decide......enough is enough! That's when you find out who you're TRUE friends are!

didnt feel I could read and run without leaving a few to all of you who have experienced these aweful circumstances

get all the professional help you can but take heed in the fact you have lovely people on here sharing and offering support to you based on their own experiences which must be very hard for some to do

I can hear a dear friend of mine who recently died saying
"You never know what goes on behind closed doors " how true these words are

good luck to all of you another one here that reading the thread shed a tear

Gawd Spongey no woman not at all! xxx *bigsloppyhugthingy*

Oh Lordy I'm now blubbing at Daniel getting through on the x-factor. See what you lot have done? You're all turning me into a mush head dammit

awww hugs to daydreamy

Been there too, and can relate to what you are going through and I understand your guilt and complicated feelings

I found a good tip is to treat your ex like two seperate people to help cope with the mixed up emotions

Think of the first person as the nice guy you once loved and just treat him as if he died. This will allow you to mourn what you once had together, cry for the nice guy you lost, and it helps lessen the guilt when nicer thoughts about him start to creep into your consciousness....just remember that he doesn't exist any more, but you're allowed to have fond memories.

Think of the second person as the violent thug that he most definitely is, a threat to both you and your children's welfare...and deal with him as you would deal with someone who would beat up your own mother.

You did the right thing and I think you were incredibly brave for doing so

quote:

Originally posted by Karma_:
Gawd Spongey no woman not at all! xxx *bigsloppyhugthingy*

Oh Lordy I'm now blubbing at Daniel getting through on the x-factor. See what you lot have done? You're all turning me into a mush head dammit

oh thank gawd.....*bigsloppyhugthingy* back

and....

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:

quote:

Originally posted by Karma_:
Gawd Spongey no woman not at all! xxx *bigsloppyhugthingy*

Oh Lordy I'm now blubbing at Daniel getting through on the x-factor. See what you lot have done? You're all turning me into a mush head dammit

oh thank gawd.....*bigsloppyhugthingy* back

and....

As long as you can still smile at the end you know you're ok

Thanks for the advice and good wishes and hugs and stuff xxx

I too have run out of cigarettes, and there is a burning smell coming out of my pc tower My hair has over taken the kitchen, and I have hairy legs...it's all downhill from here...

quote:

Originally posted by Karma_:

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:

quote:

Originally posted by Karma_:
Gawd Spongey no woman not at all! xxx *bigsloppyhugthingy*

Oh Lordy I'm now blubbing at Daniel getting through on the x-factor. See what you lot have done? You're all turning me into a mush head dammit

oh thank gawd.....*bigsloppyhugthingy* back

and....

As long as you can still smile at the end you know you're ok

i think you're right...and your smiley days do eventually take over from the crying one's

Are you smiling yet dreamy ?

quote:

Originally posted by daydreamy:
Thanks for the advice and good wishes and hugs and stuff xxx

I too have run out of cigarettes, and there is a burning smell coming out of my pc tower My hair has over taken the kitchen, and I have hairy legs...it's all downhill from here...

I just went to put shorts on and I've got legs like a bloody footballer They're growing like mad at the moment, I'm like a ruddy werewolf

Go get your tabs, save your house from burning down, look in the mirror and tell yourself it's gonna be ok xx

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:

quote:

Originally posted by Karma_:

quote:

Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:

quote:

Originally posted by Karma_:
Gawd Spongey no woman not at all! xxx *bigsloppyhugthingy*

Oh Lordy I'm now blubbing at Daniel getting through on the x-factor. See what you lot have done? You're all turning me into a mush head dammit

oh thank gawd.....*bigsloppyhugthingy* back

and....

As long as you can still smile at the end you know you're ok

i think you're right...and your smiley days do eventually take over from the crying one's

Indeed, and the time you spend crying gets less and less.

quote:

Originally posted by 12345:
Are you smiling yet dreamy ?

Yeah, my daughter just made a chocolate cake....there's more round her face than in the tin, she looks like she has a goatee

yep karms you're spot on...

we're all here for you dreamy...

For Dreamy and anyone else who needs it. Some of my most favourite lyrics and if anyone ever dedicates this to me I will marry their arse so fast they wont have time to fart!



When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above earth or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...


Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...


Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Karma! ( )

I know what you mean though, its a beautiful song.

mine might be 'Unintended' by Muse....or 'Shiver' by Coldplay....play me that and watch out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pudOFG5X6uA