Quiet word with him to one side Aims? 

Oh Aimes ... you have my every sympathy I'm kind of used to it with my eldest daughter now, but when the youngest (17) brings a lad home I think I might just draw a big white line down the middle of the room and make them sit either side of it

It's hard Aimee, you have to adapt and realise they are gowning up  It gets easier, the first boyfriend is by far the worst 

Can you have a word with her and ask if they can just not be as tactile with each other in front of you as it makes you a bit uncomfortable... tell her what you are ok with

I do know how you feel................I'm not sure what I can say TBH. I know you two have been very close, it's really hard to see someone else with her but ............it does happen. I'm not sure what I can say with words of comfort but ..............they do grow away - they always come back but - it's different. As they grow older your relationship changes when you are no longer the centre of their universe.

I'm not sure if that's the right thing to say TBH - it's just my experience. 

mind you, you think she'd be uncomfortable being all touchy feely in front of you

They both just went up to her bedroom, i was like  and then i didn't dare go up too the loo 

Maybe you should.......but hey...what do I know 

I think that's the problem Soozy, it's been just me and her for 14 yrs and now she's got this new life that doesn't involve me and his family have embraced her (which is nice) but they are better off and live in a nicer etc and i feel embarrsed by him coming here (2 up 2 down)

I keep thinking what i was doing at her age and it was the same  BUT she's MY baby and we have been through so much together, i do realise that this is my time too start again but it is scary  

See....you are seeing her through your eyes.......would you have been allowed to take your boyfriend up to your room?....No, cos you know what might have gone on............

and it is your loo and you should not be afraid to use it..........

Foot down with a firm flush of the loo, is what I say.... 

I got really uncomfortable with that ... but then when I was a child bedrooms were for sleeping in, theirs have TVs, computers, music etc.

I used to insist that my eldest left the bedroom door open, and I used to go upstairs every 30 mins or so and ask if they wanted coffee or anything. I also used to go upstairs to the loo every, oh, 8 minutes or so!!!

She might like you to set some rules - it takes the pressure off her. She can then slap him down and say no, mum will be upstairs in a min.

Don't let some spotty oik intimidate you Aimes

No! never feel like that. It's the girl he likes, not her surroundings 

awww Aimee, you shouldn't feel embarrassed, it's the people and warmth that make a home not how big the house is, and it sounds like you have welcomed him right in  

Never be embarrased by who you are ...................you have made your girlie who she is ............be glad that she's met someone nice (I'm assuming here) - if he's a nice lad - welcome him into your home. It's not about what you have - it's all about who you are!

My husband was from a 'well to do' lot - they were unfeeling and a bunch of arses - he was welcomed into or two up two down and still says now (38 YEARS ON) it was his first taste of 'proper' family life! 

I think it is sad that boys don't "date" girls now.....take them out......

oooohh thats a good point!

There's nowhere for them to go Syd, no youth clubs, pubs won't let them in to drink soft drinks, it's difficult at that age. 

I think it's best to welcome the boyfriend into the home - at least you know where she is

i did say too her that i felt like a prisoner in my own home and i wasn't happy about it, her answer was that his family made her felt more welcome and she could even sleep the night  and then she started telling me how she was telling his family how much her dad's family are sooooo much fun  they have always spoilt the firl and i have been left with the shitty nappies, lunch boxes and school run's and now i feel like i'm being pushed out 

i wouldn't know what too say too him sprouty  he's a teenager with hormones, directed at my baby  

Come on Aimes, this is the teenage equivalent of 'everyone's got a Tamogotchi', everyone can go on the school trip, everyones got Nike trainers'.

Bloody hard though, innit?

Into the home yes, but not the bedroom so you have to tippy toe around them, IMO if a boy is interested in a girl, he will find the back seat of a cinema or a table in Mc Donalds...  

You are both very close so I think you should tell her how you feel.As for them being in her bedroom

dont act any differently if you need the loo go to the loo.

Awwwwwwwwwwww ................you know she loves you dearly. Times are a changing - it is (I know) hard to adapt but follow your heart - keep the lines of communication open - welcome the boy into your home but .................right from the off lay down ground rules with your girl - you maybe feeling uncomfortable tonight but - talk about it - find some common ground rules that are acceptable to both of you.

Good Luck  

Just explain calmly and clearly that she's still your child 

^^^ Agree with sooz

Maybe think how you'd feel if he was being 'cool' and 'aloof' and not 'hanging all over her' ?

I know I'm kinda missing the point here re your feelings.... but, but

Thanks everyone  i think i feel it more because she spends so much time away from home now and i'm used too her being dependant on me, time too start a new life for myself me thinks 

I know  what would i think if she bought home a 30yr old BUT i'm still stumped how i'm mean't too react, it feel's so weird that this lad is in my daughters bedroom

 hard (I know) but true  xxx

Thanks Syd 

Aimee, react how your adult gut tells you to react.....(I have done the "how should I react?" bit)...you may not be popular with your daughter for a bit, but, I am sure you said no to her as toddler, and she still loved you...xx

your right syd, i don't mind him being here but not upstairs, my parent's and my daughter's dad never let us, i will have a chat witj her tomorrow about it, thanks 

This is one of the most important stages Aimee as a mother of three kids.

Don't let her lose direction - if you can 

i know where you are coming from, my daughter was 14 when she met * him*  i would not let him stay over no chance , he was 6yrs older ........... fast forward they have a 3yr old boy fell out a month ago , he is with another teenager , my lass is 25 now and is just starting to understand why i was so against it at the start, it is hard i know but we just need to be there 

Exactly what I was going to say .... good sound advice

Oh & from my own experience: start as you mean to go on .... Set your guide lines and rules out from the word go & stick to your guns. This way both parties will know exactly where they stand.

Its yet to happen for me ...    but the way I feel about it at the moment is...   I will just be happy to see a lad with her that loves her.

I kinda want her to get a boyfriend, that way when she's out there is someone with her that has her at the top of their priorities.

I'm pretty cool about the tactile thing..   but I won't have an issue with saying "oh get a room...  not here"..      but then my daughter gobs off if MrD comes anywhere near me in front of her..   so we will just throw that back at her.

MY issues will come if they row, and she tells me about it..   so I hate him, then she forgives him...  or if I see him not treating her right THIS is the bit I know I am going to have problems with.

Oh & the too much information bit..    she has sent me texts in the past (when she was away at school) telling me what base her & some oik had gone to!   I flung me phone across the room & went into a yeuw yeuw yeuw meltdown..    (before picking phone back up & replying in a calm & laid back manner! 

As for how you feel Aims...  I kinda do get it.    I have spent the last two years getting my head round it all...    I remember feeling angry with myself for, unknowingly, becoming so dependant on her as a friend.     I managed it..    I got through it...   (with the help of some special friends on here & in the ship..   thank you special peeps xxxx  I know I must have bored you sometimes).

And... once I'd "let go" ...    guess what?

she came back..     better than ever!   & we are, closer than ever!

So, chin up Aims..     DO get yourself together, DO try to think about yourself as a unit of one, but DON'T think you have lost her..   you really really haven't (as long as you do the letting go thing)

x

Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

Thanks x   it's just the getting used too it bit that i'm finding hard but your right i've got too start thinking more about me and let her get on with her own life, like i've said i do like the lad and as you say it's nice too know there's someone looking out for her, it's just strange not having her around so much but at least she's happy and independent  and it's true about them coming back, i was just the same as her at her age but as soon as i had my daughter i was round my mum's everyday

Thanks everyone for your advice x