quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
Thank you for replying...My dad is fading away before our very eyes but would never admit he was suffering....He's not told us everything but my mum overheard the doc speaking about his liver and apparently the cancer has spread from his bowels to his liver....On one hand I want to scream and shout and curse the world on the other I know I have to keep my head and think straight....Do I get my brothers home soon?...Is it time to now arrange 24 hour care for him shared between us all and my sons?....I'm lost just lost.

Lee
That is exactly what happened to my mum. She had a lot of her stomach removed and managed ok for about 3 years then it came back in her bowel and her liver.
She spent 3 of the last 4 weeks of her life in a hospice, they were wonderful. She was on the morphine patches at first but when it became too much for them they put a morphine iv in with a little pump attached that gave out the dosage at regular intervals and she could also top it up by pressing a button.
Once they have the pump in then the person just drifts away. My mum was unconscious from the Thursday until she died on the Sunday morning.
It is different for everyone, the doctors often don't know how long someone has left or how conscious they will be towards the end. I would say it is better to get your brothers home sooner rather than later if they can take the time off, as well as being there for your Dad they will be there for you and your mum too.
Big big hugs hun, I hope that you have quality time together as a family in the time he has left

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
Thank you for replying...My dad is fading away before our very eyes but would never admit he was suffering....He's not told us everything but my mum overheard the doc speaking about his liver and apparently the cancer has spread from his bowels to his liver....On one hand I want to scream and shout and curse the world on the other I know I have to keep my head and think straight....Do I get my brothers home soon?...Is it time to now arrange 24 hour care for him shared between us all and my sons?....I'm lost just lost.

Lee hun, sometimes you need to scream and shout the unfairness of it all, and basically stuff everybody else, I went through the same thing with my husband, he bottled it all in during my FIL's final illness and the arrangements afterwards, and then it all just exploded with him.

Your father's doctor should be advising you and the best thing to do is write a list of questions for him, when your mind is clear and ask him all you need to know.

My FIL was in a hospice and they were marvellous to us, answering any questions we had and contacting us immediately when they they knew the end was coming, we couldn't praise them enough.

Just don't be afraid to lean on people around you, you cannot take it all on yourself and nobody should expect you to.

My husband even ended up phoning the Samaritans one night, because he just could no longer take the pressure on him and said afterwards it helped to talk to an impartial person, as they listen, often loved ones only see their own point of view and are not willing to listen to yours.

Stay strong Lee Girl,you need to now for your mums sake, mum must be suffering so much seeing her husband like this.You can do this we are here for you,remember that.

Lee So sorry to hear this. Just keep all the family together and do the best you can.

I'm with veggie on this- morphine by demand, as much as they need. That's what happened with my mum- we looked after her at home, had fantastic disrict nurses who came in every day for six months.
With Dad, 3 years later. it was different, they took him into hospital and although it seemed ok at first and there were some lovely, lovely nurses we begun to get 'swamped' by more senior nurses with a view..kept telling us that they'd just been on a course and needed to ensure 'quality of death.'/low morphine. Kinda told 'em to f*** off in the nicest possible way....hey girl.... you may have your own issues re what you need to say to your parent on their death bed, (hence reduce their morphine so they can hear,) we don't, so F*** off.
Picture this: Mum, in her bed, at home with close family and friends hugging and loving her and singing her favourite songs and hymns; Dad, in a hospital bed with an arsey/pc sister who wakes you up on a mattress beside his bed when you've had maybe 15 mins sleep in the last 3 days and then you have to go and
tell your sisters who are trying to get half an hours sleep on the day room sofas that he's dead.... and the night staff are really resentful that they've 'nicked' their beds. No cmparison!

Oh Lee, its so sad and I can only emphasise with you. He is clearly not coping with the pain, and although these patches are great, it comes to the stage where a patient needs more. Please get in touch with your doctor today, he doesn't need to suffer. I'm sure you will feel a bit better once his pain is well and truly under control. Praying for you and your dad

Oh my days, i need to gather myself here (i'm at work crying) Lee i have no medical advice hunni, my only advice is to gather the family, i live far from home and i know i'd want to be there as soon as i could for my father, even if its not imminent they need to relieve your burden a bit ..

i'm so sorry you are going through this, this forum has many many caring and wise people i've never known a forum like it - you are in my thoughts and prayers Lee

Lee

My Mum had morphine patches when she was in pain, they did help, but can also make you feel a bit spaced out.

About your family - get them together - the GP told my Mum he reckoned she had 6 - 12 more months on the Monday - she died 2 days later. I know not every case is the same, but the end can be very unpredictable.

Thinking of you.

Be strong.

Lee

It's all too common this bloody cancer thing. My Dad was the same, bowel that spread to liver and beyond. He was never offered the patches, he used oramorph, until a few days before the end he had no choice but to go on the driver.
It's such an awful time. My Dad was terrified of dying, the last word I heard him say was "Help".
Anyway, I just want to offer more hugs, my Dad died only a few months ago, so I know how you feel

I`m so sorry Lee. I know what you`re going through.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad Lee.I have no experience of cancer,my dad died in front of me of a massive heart attack,I don't know in my heart if that really was a "Kinder" way to go.My thoughts are with you.

quote:

It's such an awful time. My Dad was terrified of dying, the last word I heard him say was "Help".

OMG thats heartbreaking

quote:

Originally posted by Mummy Maz:

quote:

It's such an awful time. My Dad was terrified of dying, the last word I heard him say was "Help".

OMG thats heartbreaking

It really was, Maz. I wasn't particularly close to my Dad but my eyes fill up every time I think about it.

My thoughts are with you Lee

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
Thank you for replying...My dad is fading away before our very eyes but would never admit he was suffering....He's not told us everything but my mum overheard the doc speaking about his liver and apparently the cancer has spread from his bowels to his liver....On one hand I want to scream and shout and curse the world on the other I know I have to keep my head and think straight....Do I get my brothers home soon?...Is it time to now arrange 24 hour care for him shared between us all and my sons?....I'm lost just lost.

Lee your words have bought tears to my eyes, as it has bought memories back of my Father in law, I can't give you the answer to what u ask but I do wish you all the strength in the world honey, for you, your family and your your dad especially.

It is the most hardest thing I have ever witnessed so I also want to send my love and best wishes and a great big

Thank you so so much for all the advice and kindness you are such a darling group of folk....I rang my brother last night and told him I don't have to say that wasn't easy but it had to be done....He's going to tell my other brother today as tbh he's a lot going on in his life atm and I felt this news about my dad isn't something he should be told with a phone call....My brother and I talked until after 4.00am and I explained my dad is as lucid as ever atm but how long he will be remains to be seen so chat to his wife today and decide what he is going to do....I have a hospital appointment at 12.15 today and I'm going to my parents after....I forgot to add last night he's also put my dad on temazepam as my poor dad didn't know what sleep was....Now will he discuss my dad with me ?.....I hope so as imo we really need to know what stage in this process we have reached....Thank you gain folk may god bless you all.... You're angels.

We'll all be thinking of you Lee

It's a terrible thing but you have a wonderful family - you have been blessed ............just hang on to that thought.

quote:

Originally posted by Tartanveggie:

It's all too common this bloody cancer thing. My Dad was the same, bowel that spread to liver and beyond. He was never offered the patches, he used oramorph, until a few days before the end he had no choice but to go on the driver.
It's such an awful time. My Dad was terrified of dying, the last word I heard him say was "Help".
Anyway, I just want to offer more hugs, my Dad died only a few months ago, so I know how you feel

Tartanveggie -

quote:

It really was, Maz. I wasn't particularly close to my Dad but my eyes fill up every time I think about it.

mine too and i dont even know you both! thats something that'll stay with your forever i'd imagine

Lots of love to Lee today, we are all thinking of you and am sure we are all saying a wee prayer for your Dad in our own ways... god bless hunni

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
Thank you so so much for all the advice and kindness you are such a darling group of folk....I rang my brother last night and told him I don't have to say that wasn't easy but it had to be done....He's going to tell my other brother today as tbh he's a lot going on in his life atm and I felt this news about my dad isn't something he should be told with a phone call....My brother and I talked until after 4.00am and I explained my dad is as lucid as ever atm but how long he will be remains to be seen so chat to his wife today and decide what he is going to do....I have a hospital appointment at 12.15 today and I'm going to my parents after....I forgot to add last night he's also put my dad on temazepam as my poor dad didn't know what sleep was....Now will he discuss my dad with me ?.....I hope so as imo we really need to know what stage in this process we have reached....Thank you gain folk may god bless you all.... You're angels.

ypu have done the right thing Lee, we were told my FIL had 2 weeks he lasted 6 days

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:
We'll all be thinking of you Lee

It's a terrible thing but you have a wonderful family - you have been blessed ............just hang on to that thought.

Soooz I'm dreading facing my dad today as my eyes are like jelly from crying....It's sunny here so I'll accidentally on purpose leave my sunglasses on when I go in ...My heart is breaking for my brothers in the US tbh.... It's unimaginable how they must feel being thousands of miles away in these circumstances....God help us.

quote:

My heart is breaking for my brothers in the US tbh.... It's unimaginable how they must feel being thousands of miles away in these circumstances....God help us.

Will they definitely come back Lee?

quote:

Originally posted by Mummy Maz:

quote:

My heart is breaking for my brothers in the US tbh.... It's unimaginable how they must feel being thousands of miles away in these circumstances....God help us.

Will they definitely come back Lee?

Yes Maz...The youngest is the stumbling block as he's so much going on emotionally he's a wreck and my other brother and I are worried how on earth he'll cope will this push him over the edge...My other brother just keep giving big deep sighs last night I suppose he was trying to take on board what I was saying....Eventually he cried.... We cried together then talked....It's trying to balance it and the affect it will have on my dad them arriving home....If they arrived together I think that would be too telling really....My dad is a very perceptive man .

quote:

Originally posted by Tartanveggie:

It's all too common this bloody cancer thing. My Dad was the same, bowel that spread to liver and beyond. He was never offered the patches, he used oramorph, until a few days before the end he had no choice but to go on the driver.
It's such an awful time. My Dad was terrified of dying, the last word I heard him say was "Help".
Anyway, I just want to offer more hugs, my Dad died only a few months ago, so I know how you feel

Aww hun that's really awful

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:

quote:

Originally posted by Mummy Maz:

quote:

My heart is breaking for my brothers in the US tbh.... It's unimaginable how they must feel being thousands of miles away in these circumstances....God help us.

Will they definitely come back Lee?

Yes Maz...The youngest is the stumbling block as he's so much going on emotionally he's a wreck and my other brother and I are worried how on earth he'll cope will this push him over the edge...My other brother just keep giving big deep sighs last night I suppose he was trying to take on board what I was saying....Eventually he cried.... We cried together then talked....It's trying to balance it and the affect it will have on my dad them arriving home....If they arrived together I think that would be too telling really....My dad is a very perceptive man .

Lee you dad probably knows and do you think he would love to see your brothers, I feel a little awkward asking these questions tbh as it is such a personal situation and have been there with the second guessing of what will the reaction be, I hope u don't mind me saying but from the situation I found was any decision we made was the right one. My FIL was asking all morning for my OH and his mum didn't ring as I said before we didn't know it was that imminent, but he did get there to say goodbye and it was so much comfort for my OH so for your brothers peace of mind they do need to come.

Lee my heart goes out to you and your family

The patches are pretty powerful articles. My father had them before he passed but he was still aware of his surroundings until just before he passed, whereas my mother was given diamorphine by IV and she was asleep for a few days before she went.

It's important that all the family are around and you are all supporting each other.



and Tartanveggie a big huggle for you too

what a awful time for you and your family
my heart goes out to you
i went though the same thing myself 20 months ago with my mum
thinking of you and your family xxx

couldnt read and run without leaving a message

whatever your brothers decide to do now is up to them and your conscience is clear Lee

we had a black sheep in ours and some wanted him told some didnt but he had the right as far as I was concerned and made it an hour before Mum went ...... she didnt know but I felt better for giving him the chance to be there

If you dont get far with the hospital doctors have a call to his GP .... USA is a long way and at least you would know the exact position to pass info on

this is something in life we all have to face ... it isnt easy but remember you have friends here 24/7 for a ramble if it helps

thinking of you and the family

Have a good chat with your GP today Lee.He or her will be only too willing to discuss everything with you.Write down all the things you want to ask him.God bless you darling,stay strong.

My grandmother was on morphine patches at the end and once they got the dosage right they were a great comfort to her though it did make her very drowsey.

I wish I had some advice or words of wisdom to offer you but all I can give is my deepest sympathy and my best wishes for you and your family.

Teddy.

Lee, excuse if there's typos in this....lots of
tears....for your precious dad and for you.

It is the most awful time for you and your family and you have my heartfelt sympathy. It
feels so inadequate to say that cos it doesn't
convey what I mean.....no words do really.

You will find the strength hun....somehow we
all do, but please know that I send you huge
healing energies. You, your dad and family
will be in my prayers. Wish I could say/do
more for you.

quote:

Originally posted by Tartanveggie:

It's all too common this bloody cancer thing. My Dad was the same, bowel that spread to liver and beyond. He was never offered the patches, he used oramorph, until a few days before the end he had no choice but to go on the driver.
It's such an awful time. My Dad was terrified of dying, the last word I heard him say was "Help".
Anyway, I just want to offer more hugs, my Dad died only a few months ago, so I know how you feel

Tartan

My Dad was on these, they made him hallucinate on a couple of occasions and he was often slightly confused.
I guess not all drugs have the same effect on everyone.

Stay strong

Lee, I've no advice but

Lee I don't think we have posted together but I really feel for you. My father in law was in the same position as you are facing now. It is REALLY hard to cope with but you will get through it.

Huge hugs Lee x

Lots of love to you Lee, your lovely Dad and all your family.
I've been in your position and appreciate how you must be feeling.

Lee My thoughts are with you and yours. x

Hi everyone....Thanks again for all the replies ....Love and hugs to you all especially those who have gone through this terrible terrible heart break....I spoke to my dads doctor and he said the time frame is weeks....He was fantastic tbh and promised he would make my dad as pain free as he possibly can....He said the time has come to begin getting the care team organised ...We want to take care of my dad at home ourselves but he said the team are there for my dad and for us....He's also going to get a hospital bed with an air mattress organised....His own father died from cancer in November last year so he spoke as a doctor and as someone who fully understands on every level how my family feel....He explained my dad won't admit to being in pain but at this advanced stage of course he is....I asked my dad on Thursday how he was he replied so so...The nearest admission to pain we'll get....The doc said as my dad and I seem to have an understanding of each other how did I rate that and what would I expect to hear if the pain had eased....I told him if I heard my dad reply I'm ok...He told me double up on everything to apply another patch and if I felt the need give him 2 Temazepam instead of 1....I rang my brother and told him what the doctor had said and he's making plans to get home....The both rang my dad so god forbid the worst happens before they make it home at least they have chatted with him....Cancer is a curse it takes no prisoners and shows no mercy.