sorry lee cant help

Been there. Done that. Started to reply about 10 times. In tears. Deap Breath ....


whatever he wants Lee - that's what drives the whole thing now

Slow release very strong pain killer - they should help but, like all drugs they may not suit your Dad - if he seems to have any adverse reaction take it off straight away.

Very sorry to hear about your Dad - hope the patches help him x

lee.i don't know hun sorry..just wanted to give you huge...... 's and lots of xxxxxxx

Aww Lee, I've no idea about the patches.

My daughter had the liquid stuff.

Sorry to hear about your dad Lee Hope the patches give him some relief.

Afraid I've only ever been on the IV stuff, but a family member had the patches at one point. He said he was shocked how effective they were, as he honestly thought it would be useless. I hope they help him

Hi Lee I am sorry that I cant help you I hope the patches help your dad and relieve him of his pain

Yes they are good, But I don't know how far your Dad is,you can top them up with oromorph.I don' t want you t o talk about it if you don't want to,but you can message me if you want.

Thank you for replying...My dad is fading away before our very eyes but would never admit he was suffering....He's not told us everything but my mum overheard the doc speaking about his liver and apparently the cancer has spread from his bowels to his liver....On one hand I want to scream and shout and curse the world on the other I know I have to keep my head and think straight....Do I get my brothers home soon?...Is it time to now arrange 24 hour care for him shared between us all and my sons?....I'm lost just lost.

has your father's skin turned yellow?

Munchies lee. Dad had the munchies big time, all he wanted was sweet stuff.But they do work and don't be afraid to ring the doc if you think your dad needs anything. Big hugs Lee.

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
Thank you for replying...My dad is fading away before our very eyes but would never admit he was suffering....He's not told us everything but my mum overheard the doc speaking about his liver and apparently the cancer has spread from his bowels to his liver....On one hand I want to scream and shout and curse the world on the other I know I have to keep my head and think straight....Do I get my brothers home soon?...Is it time to now arrange 24 hour care for him shared between us all and my sons?....I'm lost just lost.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ............lee My Dad had bowel cancer that went to his liver .....can't claim to be an expert on these things but I really and truly can sympathise ....it's a terrible thing.

All I can say is .........(and I'm sorry) if morphine has been prescribed - it helps but - it is one of the last resorts as it's not prescrobed lightly. Sorry What I'm saying is .......get the family together - the end may not be iminent but I'm sure he'd love to see them while he's still coherent.

Lee - I've typed umpteen things, but I don't know what to say. Just

I know nothing about morphine patches, my dad went straight onto a morphine driver...I hope they help your dad Lee

When the time comes to gather the family you will know

Biggest hugs

quote:

Originally posted by ~~KaffyBaffy~~:
Lee - I've typed umpteen things, but I don't know what to say. Just

oh gawd kaffy - that's how I've been

quote:

Originally posted by Bojangles:
has your father's skin turned yellow?

He's an odd colour Bo....He's not yellow but an odd waxy colour if that makes sense....The weight loss is dramatic and his eyes ...lord I cannot explain his eyes tbh.

You need to talk to the Doctor straight on here.He knows your Dad's history with this cancer.If they are not going to do anymore chemo,then I'd get your brothers home.The burden shouldn't fall all on your shoulders like it did on mine,let them take some responsibility.You have enough to do with seeing to your mother as well by the seem of things.
There are no words that can help you at this time,I know the feeling just hang in there girl for Dad.Your love for him will help him and you.

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:

quote:

Originally posted by Bojangles:
has your father's skin turned yellow?

He's an odd colour Bo....He's not yellow but an odd waxy colour if that makes sense....The weight loss is dramatic and his eyes ...lord I cannot explain his eyes tbh.

Yes his eyes seem sunken in his head.Time is ebbing away darling.Just be with him and don't miss out on telling him how much you love and have always loved him.That will be so important to you in the future.Get your brothers home now.If they are not going to do anymore chemo on him.

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
Thank you for replying...My dad is fading away before our very eyes but would never admit he was suffering....He's not told us everything but my mum overheard the doc speaking about his liver and apparently the cancer has spread from his bowels to his liver....On one hand I want to scream and shout and curse the world on the other I know I have to keep my head and think straight....Do I get my brothers home soon?...Is it time to now arrange 24 hour care for him shared between us all and my sons?....I'm lost just lost.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ............lee My Dad had bowel cancer that went to his liver .....can't claim to be an expert on these things but I really and truly can sympathise ....it's a terrible thing.

All I can say is .........(and I'm sorry) if morphine has been prescribed - it helps but - it is one of the last resorts as it's not prescrobed lightly. Sorry What I'm saying is .......get the family together - the end may not be iminent but I'm sure he'd love to see them while he's still coherent.

I can't stop crying Sooz...When my mum rang me at lunchtime I had to try and pull myself together before I went over to see him.... When we got there my dad was sat head down praying ...He finds strength in his faith but he looked so sad today....I just keep thinking he knows he knows it's soon.

Lee ......................obviously your Dad is very ill. I think your brothers should come back to see him. I know very well how complicated it all becomes when you really have no idea how much time is left. You'll be worrying about bringing them home too soon etc. etc. if it goes on for a few weeks.

IMO ...........get them home now why they can still talk ........it really isn't necessary to be there at the end - I know some folks like closure and to be there etc. but - more often than not the person doesn't know that they're even there. Get them home now so they can talk and say their goodbyes while he's still able.

I'm awfully sorry if it sounds brutal but I've been there myself ......it's good when you can still talk.

I don`t know if I can help, just say what I know . Once my husband was on morphine that seemed to be it and his cancer had been stage 4 from the beginning, but it does help the pain and it was a syringe driver pretty soon after. If you can, yes get the family, I know how quickly it happens. Nothing I can say will make it any easier for you but I`ve been there and I feel for you, take care.

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
Thank you for replying...My dad is fading away before our very eyes but would never admit he was suffering....He's not told us everything but my mum overheard the doc speaking about his liver and apparently the cancer has spread from his bowels to his liver....On one hand I want to scream and shout and curse the world on the other I know I have to keep my head and think straight....Do I get my brothers home soon?...Is it time to now arrange 24 hour care for him shared between us all and my sons?....I'm lost just lost.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ............lee My Dad had bowel cancer that went to his liver .....can't claim to be an expert on these things but I really and truly can sympathise ....it's a terrible thing.

All I can say is .........(and I'm sorry) if morphine has been prescribed - it helps but - it is one of the last resorts as it's not prescrobed lightly. Sorry What I'm saying is .......get the family together - the end may not be iminent but I'm sure he'd love to see them while he's still coherent.

I can't stop crying Sooz...When my mum rang me at lunchtime I had to try and pull myself together before I went over to see him.... When we got there my dad was sat head down praying ...He finds strength in his faith but he looked so sad today....I just keep thinking he knows he knows it's soon.

It's good that he has his faith Lee. You're bringing tears to my eyes ..........i remember so well my Dad - yes they do know and it's heartbreaking. My Dad wouldn't speak of it but he knew .........it was eighteen years ago but it's etched on my memory - he was only 58. He wasn't one to talk about it ........very sad.

God Bless you Lee ......there's nothing we can say or do for you but

I'm so sorry

I agree with what some of the others have said, do call the rest of the family, whilst he is still lucid.

I was too late to say goodbye to my friend, she wasn't lucid.... I hope she knows I was there...

Its double hard when you have to be the strong one xxxxxx

Sorry if any of this was not the 'right' thing to say, I don't know what is the 'right' thing to say.

Just tell him how much you love him.He knows as you say the end is near.The knowledge that his nearest and dearest love him so much will help him.Lay your hands gently above his abdomen and pray for help to ease his pain.

quote:

Originally posted by Bojangles:
You need to talk to the Doctor straight on here.He knows your Dad's history with this cancer.If they are not going to do anymore chemo,then I'd get your brothers home.The burden shouldn't fall all on your shoulders like it did on mine,let them take some responsibility.You have enough to do with seeing to your mother as well by the seem of things.
There are no words that can help you at this time,I know the feeling just hang in there girl for Dad.Your love for him will help him and you.

He didn't have chemo Bo as he didn't have surgery....The cons far outweighed the pros so he choose not to and tbh the surgeon left the decision to him....He talked to me and I said we'd abide by his decisions....IMO to want him to undergo surgery with no guarantees was selfish....To try and hold onto him for a little while longer at what cost?....1 brother is in Europe atm he's due back mid Sept but lord knows....I'll contact the others in the US tonight.

Lee ..............i would contact your brothers and let them know the situation. After that it's down to them. Just letting them know is all you can do .....they'll make there own decisions when they'll come back.

So sorry ......

Darling you have to do what you think is best.Ring Doctor in the morning,as I don't have any notes on him, your Doctor does.I think by what you have said your Brothers should be making tracks back home.

My mother died of bowel cancer nearly 30 years ago and didn't have the options that are available nowadays...........
Morphine lollipops have helped and then seen many friends on their way...........
Try to get them!!!!

Lee I'm heart sore to hear about your Dad. Who's responsibility is it to administer these pain killers to him? If you have any concerns at all, call the Dr and express them, and if needs be, demand that he gets the 24 hour care he deserves. It shouldn't be put on your Mum or you, or other members of your family to be put in the position of guessing what he needs, or when he needs it. Stay strong and don't be afraid of demanding the resources that are there, to give him the care and attention he needs right now! Loving thoughts to you and yours

i have no advise hun but

Lee

This thread is so touching. I feel so moved by all the posts and dearly wish I could offer some advice. Have never been in your position, as a daughter, however.

With my nursey hat on though, I would alert your siblings to the situation, as others have said, spend what time you can with your Dad while he is lucid - bear in mind that Morphine may soon be administered in different forms, has no real dose "limit" in terminal care, and is used to alleviate symptoms and in some instances, to encourage a peaceful demise.

When you said your Dad appeared "waxy", that is often an indicator that life is approaching end, especially when combined with weight loss and eyes that look different.

Lee, I'm sorry, I have rambled on a bit, and am in floods of tears imagining your situation.

May your Dad's passing, whenever it happens, be flooded with joyful memories cemented in his faith.

Lee......


I'm not aware of the cancer care in Ireland, or if you have Macmillan nurses over there


They are the most fantastic support here, and have heard every problem under the sun.

If they are available to you......I strongly suggest you get in touch with them.


A truly fantastic organization , with the most supportive people to the sufferer, and the family.

quote:

Originally posted by stoory:
Lee......


I'm not aware of the cancer care in Ireland, or if you have Macmillan nurses over there


They are the most fantastic support here, and have heard every problem under the sun.

If they are available to you......I strongly suggest you get in touch with them.


A truly fantastic organization , with the most supportive people to the sufferer, and the family.

Very true ..........a wonderful organisation. As a family we didn't want or ask for outside intervention - however - the nurses that came from MacMillan were really wonderful and somehow lightened the load simply by being there.

Lee, been in the same place with my FIL who was a second father to me, even though I only knew him a short time, he always referred to me as his daughter, but better!!

He was on morphine at the end and didn't know anybody, it's heartbreaking to see, but you also know that they are approaching peace and an end to suffering, if you know what I mean, it's difficult to explain.

Thinking of you tonight take care xx

quote:

Originally posted by stoory:
Lee......


I'm not aware of the cancer care in Ireland, or if you have Macmillan nurses over there


They are the most fantastic support here, and have heard every problem under the sun.

If they are available to you......I strongly suggest you get in touch with them.


A truly fantastic organization , with the most supportive people to the sufferer, and the family.

I'll second that! They're the bees..

Is it fentanyl patches your dad has Lee? My mum had less side effects with them than she did with the oral morphine, but they can take a couple of days to get into the system - he might have breakthrough pain at first but they should really ease things once they kick in.

I know what you mean about the eyes .. my dad's pretty ill just now and there's days you see that bleak look.(on better days, he calls that his "dead fish eyes"!) It's a sore one to see the bigfella that looked after you all your days struggling. I know you'll do and say just the right things at the right time though, that's your way.

Take care, thinking of you and yours xx

quote:

Originally posted by ~LEE~:
Thank you for replying...My dad is fading away before our very eyes but would never admit he was suffering....He's not told us everything but my mum overheard the doc speaking about his liver and apparently the cancer has spread from his bowels to his liver....On one hand I want to scream and shout and curse the world on the other I know I have to keep my head and think straight....Do I get my brothers home soon?...Is it time to now arrange 24 hour care for him shared between us all and my sons?....I'm lost just lost.

Lee, first, and most importantly of all Been through all of this with both of my parents Understand all of the dilemmas and difficulties- as applied to my family and me- but everyone's different of course. You sound a bit like me, worrying about everyone else and and wanting to look after them and then going into 'practical mode' 'cos you're concerned about everyone else going into 'emotional mode' and you gotta 'look after 'em all!. ..Was just talking to my best friend today who has an interview next week for a snr management position in palliative and end of life care, things are v v different to when I went through this with my parents, your dad should definitely not be in pain and they should be telling you the truth and supporting you in whatever way you need in organising his care and focusing on keeping him at home if that's what you want. Bloody well phone that doc and ask what is going on!
Just a word of warning/advice from my experiences, you may end up taking the load, 'cos others (often v surprisingly,) don't quite come up trumps. Make sure that you're ok with that, (I was apart from a few moments of resentment if I'm honest.)
I won't pretend it's not hard- it is v v hard, try to make sure thet there's someone to look after you whilst you're looking after everyone else. Hey there's loads of peeps on this forum who'll do that- pm me if you want to talk to someone who's been there