Deana

Deana is Miss India UK, a most prestigious title, while the love of her life is money, so not shallow at all then.

Having modelled in the UK and India, Deana has declared that girls are jealous of her looks, and regards all men as cheaters, so she’s just generally a lovely judge of character.

She also doesn’t know how to wash up, iron or cook, because she’s got servants. The public is going to fall in love with Deana, probably.

Aaron

Not does Aaron have the looks, due to his MMA fighting, he can also give you a really uncomfortable hug. He has modelled for good old racist John Galliano, as well as Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch.

He’s one of them blokes that takes his top off in clubs, so we can all look forward to that.

Caroline

Perennial gap-yearer and posh girl Caroline, went to a private prep school, where she kept getting in trouble for being rowdy and stealing wine.

She regards herself as unlucky in love, mainly because she looks like a homeless version of the cast of Made in Chelsea, mainly due to her cutting her own hair. In this harsh economic times, cuts must be made – haircuts!

Sheivonne

Sheivonne (which is a name that's going to get extremely annoying to type), was a Playboy bunny for a year. She calls herself a “professional arguer”, but hasn’t revealed how much that pays.

She can down ten tequila shots in 30 seconds, which defies logic and can smoke a cigarette with her boobs, which is can't be very healthy.

Sheivonne thinks all men are liars and cheats, so another housemate with a positive outlook on life.

Connor

Northern Irish Connor is a big fan of having a perfectly shaved body, trying to resemble a 7 year old boy.

When he was 16, he played at the David Beckham Football Academy with Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard.

As we've heard, he likes to wrap his dick around his wrist, and has given it its very own name: The Cock Watch.

Lauren

Horse-faced Lauren is a black belt in karate (we instantly regret that horse-faced comment), she did gymnastics until she was 13, when she changed to karate and won three world championship titles.

After a couple of drinks, she flips around and punches thin sheets of plywood.

She has a tractor license, which will no doubt prove useful in the Big Brother House.

Lauren says she is always the dumper in relationships, mainly by dumping her fists into their chests.

Luke A

Not only was Luke born a woman, he was also born in South Africa. Hardly anyone knows he was born a woman, which is set to change when he announces it on national television.

Luke became a man four years ago and now is a chef and married.

Adam

Adam's weird accent is because he was born in Burton-on-Trent but grew up in Los Angeles and became a member of the LA Crips.

He spent time in a US jail and has cleaned up himself, he is now back home to mentor young people with drug and alcohol problems, bless him.

He has a whole clan of brothers and sisters and loves fried chicken, and like a typical gangster, wants to milk a cow.

Sara

Second-place in Miss Scotland 2011, Sara was cheated out of the title for being to opinionated.

She regards Margaret Thatcher as "a great woman leader".

In that regard, men think she's too scary, and seems to be one of them people that people can easily get on the wrong side of.

Scott

Posh Scott doesn't like being labelled posh, even though he acts posh. He pretends that his family are poor and hangs out with chavs, even though he's posh.

He collects expensive pens, wooden spoons and other remarkably boring things.

Ashleigh

Hailing from Essex, Asheligh is the reemest housemate. She says "I’m not like that TOWIE lot” despite wearing fake nails and fake tans, and generally acting like that TOWIE lot. 

It would appear that she has voluntary tourettes, loves Justin Bieber and likes to not be wearing clothes.

Luke S

Jack-the-lad Luke is a club promoter and can charm the pants off anyone and everyone "including your girlfriend!”

He’s only had one serious relationship and says that his ideal type of girl would have a "proper tight body" and not be stupid as he likes a challenge, "if she frustrates me that’s a good thing".

It would seem that he likes talking about himself and how good he looks, which will no doubt be the highlight of the house conversation.

Lydia

Engaged to Andy Scott-Lee (of being 'Lisa Scott-Lee's brother' fame), professional dancer Lydia has danced with Kylie and Kanye West.

She was in the final 10 of The Saturdays, being beaten by those two from S Club Juniors and that Irish one.

Lydia is a big fan of confrontation, but is allergic to alcohol, which just sounds like the worst allergy, apart from, like, air or something.

Benedict

An eclectic mix of foster parent, former teacher and porn actor, he had to leave his teaching job when it was discovered he worked in porn and had to defend himself in a hearing.

If you're looking him up, his porn name was Johnny Anglais.

Chris

Squeaky-voiced doorman and bailiff Chris always wins and is going to ease through Big Brother like repossessing a TV, doing whatever is necessary; “I’ll be the biggest two faced person in there I want to win”.

He loves the fake women, fake boobs, fake nails, fake tan, etc, most of Essex then really.

Victoria

Plus-sized model Victoria has appeared in countless publications as a glamour model, such as Playboy, Penthouse and tabloid newspapers

She is an animal rights campaigner, with five dogs and having recently set up a dog rescue charity, she regards herself as "the crazy dog lady”.

She's also a vegan, so she's going to have all of those annoying dietary requirements.