I'm here for you and them

PMSL Real!  A great start... thanks!

Awwww X

Too busy trying to get my elbow in my mouth to say owt funny tho

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy, 1 is  taking her shopping oh his credit card, the other is 69

Thanks muf... I'm not being sorry for myself... just so sorry for them.

Feck the elbow---- look at him above

So I saw!  I would have tried but didn't want to do myself a mischief!

Rather not, thanks it's grotesque  but funny

What are the other 68 Lowi?  69 not available at present...

I'm not really a make you laugh type, but I have got a sympathetic nature, and I'm a good listener(as long as you can spit it out in the next 3 minutes, as I;m going to bed)

I'm all ears ,  and truly sympathetic to your plight despite what I said before.

There'd be no challenge in getting that in your mouth tho Real

I'd like to see it titled 'How Women see Men'!  

Found this in a room in the Towers??? Any use??   Was filed under-- Tools???

 Stoory... I'm far too long-winded for 3 minutes!   Night if you're off though.

Could try these  

Question: When is an elf not an elf?
Answer: When he's got his head up a pixie's skirt, then he's a goblin.

Well it always makes me laugh.

That tool looks rather more enticing than you're first effort Real!

What's that then Real...a Philips head screwdriver...

Really!!
 
*pulls stomach in*

Lowi... even virtual choccies cheered me up loads!

NIGHT NIGHT Xochi..........hope you feel better tomorrow x

 
Hiya Angel

  Shit--- Skulks off to look fo Girth.   Hang on---- it aint blown up yet.

That sort of thing makes me laugh too Essie!

goodnight Stoory  sweet dreams

Night Stoory
Hi Muf

Dunno--- Sommat to do with Screwing i presume.

Two Women have just arrived in Heaven and are chatting at the Pearly Gates.
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! My name is Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and I finally became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer........we'd both still be alive!!

Slim it doesn't look as good as a rabbit does it

What's that goblin been up to now?!

LOL, like that one Muf, very funny

A duck walks into a pub, approaches the bar and says to the barman,

"Pint of bitter and a cheese sandwich please".

Barman taken aback replies, "but your a duck".

"Obviously your eyes are woking fine", the duck retorts,

"But your talking". says the barman

"and it appears you ears are woking ok, now can I have my pint and cheese sandwich?"

Still shocked the barman pours the beer. "what brings you here" he asks?

"Im working on the building site opposite" replies the duck, who then, in silence eats the sandwich, drinks the beer and leaves.

Each lunchtime therefter the duck walks in orders a beer and cheese sandwich, eats it in silence then leaves, until one afternoon a bloke walks into the pub and starts handing out flyers for the Circus which has arrived in town.

"are you the circus owner?" asks the barman

"yup, why?

The barman then proceeds to tell him all about the duck.

"Thats Great!" says the circus owner, "get him to give me a ring".

Following lunchtime the duck comes in as usual.

"Spoke to a bloke from the circus yesterday, he has got some work for you paying top money." says the barman.

"Really?... the circus?... isnt that the place with the trapeeze artist?" asks the duck

" yep thats the place"

" and those blokes riding around on unicycles juggling?"

"the very one". replied the barman

"that place with all the animals, a big ring with sawdust and a bloke in a large top hat?" says the duck

"one and the same".

"that place with the large canvas tent, loads of poles and guide ropes?"

"yes it is", replies the barman now getting agitated

"Tell me, what the F*@% is he going to want with a plasterer?"

That was great muf! Thanks!

Very good Muf

The scene is set

The scene is set, the night is cold, the campfire is burning and the stars twinkle in the dark night sky...
Three hang-glider pilots, one from Australia, one from South Africa and the other from New Zealand, are sitting round a campfire near Ayers Rock, each embroiled with the bravado for which they are famous.
A night of tall tales begins....
Kiven, the kiwi says, "I must be the meanest, toughest heng glider dude there us. Why, just the other day, I linded in a field and scared a crocodile thet got loose from the swamp. Et ate sux men before I wrestled ut to the ground weth my bare hends end beat ut's bliddy 'ed un.
 
Jerry from South Africa typically can't stand to be bettered. "Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight on a tiny treck, ind a fifteen foot Namibian desert snike slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grebbed thet borsted with my bare hinds and tore it's head orf ind sucked the poison down in one gulp. Ind I'm still here today".
 
Barry the Aussie remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his penis.