hence the anger I reckon.

By the way I love the typo

No not at all, 2 years mourning is still early but some of us try to put on a brave face, blubbing only hurts the living....

lol it's a howler for sure

I thought it was a new word I had'nt heard of....

i was thinking father's day was making him sad ........... apparantly not 

dont think hes over it at all, he seems mixed up to me, hes trying to be the hard little man but he int at all. Dont know about losing dads as not got 1, hes out there but dont want to know him.

some people are like that.   my ex was... he lost his dad when he was 18, I started going out with him a couple of years later, and he used to be like that when he spoke about his dad.

then one night when we'd been out and he was really sloshed he broke down and started sobbing about his dad!

Or...  it is possible that he is over it, he may not have liked his dad... that happens too.

Note to self...proof-read own posts. Although in my defence, I believe JJ would be equally emotionless with feathers involved.

ello Jaf

I think he did by the way he's talked but it was a very sudden death, a work place accident and JJ had to be strong for his mum because she went to pieces....

ditty hun

Its not you..I've been gone from England for years and every now and again I see new words on the forum that I've never heard of....

No I don't think for one moment he was cold or uncaring,this is a common defense mode in the death of a close loved one. Just because he didn't weep and wail doesn't mean he was cold.

My own niece still hasn't really mourned the death of her dad that happened nearly four years ago (who she was really close to|)..in her words "I can't aford to ..emtionally,or financially".
I know she is storing up trouble  up in years to come,I'll be there for her.

Father's day is rough for some folk who have lost thier Dad's especially when it is sudden. My nieces lost thier father two years ago in an accident, thankfully we are a strong supportive family, and so far they have dealt with it very well, I am so proud of them, and tell them I love them as often as I can.

You really can't cry forever. It was two years ago and he's probably told the story umpteen times ...................you have to harden yourself to it don't you? You really cannot break down over and over and over again.

Like I said, I'm probably being unfair. It was just very strange how he talked about it and right at the end he almost made it sound like it was no big deal. I'm trying not to be judgemental it just didn't seem right to me. Nothing about JJ strikes any chord of truth for me though so I'm probably biased. It's fair to say I just don't like the guy.

Ah Soozy my own dad  died nearly 25 tears ago,(no Typo) Why should we be expected to deal with it etc.I'll blub if and when I want too...same for me mam 14 years ago...It;'s what makes us human  dontch' know.

i am curious why peeps pull him up on his double barrelled name ?  i know a sarah-jane  , mary-jane . sarah-louise ect ect    no-one  questions it   his name is john james

I lost my Dad just over 4 yrs ago when he fell asleep in his chair and never woke up.  He was living with Prostate Cancer for 16 yrs and after watching my lovely mother in law die with Ovarian Cancer I was so glad Daddy died the way he did.  I believe he had one last snore and took his last breath with it.
Since then I console myself with the fact that he didn't suffer and like JJ don't dwell on it knowing he had a happy death but inside I'm gutted that we never got the chance to say Goodbye or time to get him to a Doctor.   

I'm not a fan of JJ but please don't decide how he should feel.  He could be putting on a brave face and he doesn't seem to be able to deal with his emotions.

It's almost as though Johnboy had never been invented.

and mary-ellen 

My Dad died twenty years ago ................................I still have my moments but - when explaining to people that he died - I don't get emotional - I just tell it as it is. If he'd have sat there and blubbed he'd have been accused of going for the sympathy card. He was just telling them - it wasn't a deep and meaningful conversation and IMO would have been out of character if he'd have broken down.


We all deal with things differently.

Tayto..

Aw Tates 

but... wow!  I have never actually heard of anyone going as peacefully as that.   I have heard plenty say thats the way they would like to go...  but that is the first time I have heard of it happening.

I have huge issues with death (mine & people I love)...  huuge!    

thanks for sharing that...   that gives me hope.

I know someone who lost her Dad to a long lingering illness and it broke her heart. Her Mum went peacefully - in the armchair one night looking at holiday brochures........................both losses were hard but - although it must have been a lovely way to go for her mum .......it almost destroyed my friend because it was totally unexpected.

Can I just add I didn't meant to offend anyone who has lost a loved one or belittle anyone's grief. I may well have mis-read his reaction I lost loved ones in different circumstances perhaps I could have been a bit more understanding but regardless, I hope nobody was upset my comments.

Ditty - He left my nephew home (down the road) and a neighbour spoke to him at about 4.15 in the afternoon.  My Mum and sister found him at about 4.55 and thought he was asleep because his mouth was open just like he was snoring.   

My Mum has always prayed that they would go peacefully and her prayers were answered for him at least.  
His brother had died from Secondary Prostate Cancer 2 yrs before that and he had a very painful death.  So you can see how him going the way he did is a big consolation and when people ask about him I might sound matter of fact like JJ.

I guess.... and I get that!    But I am terrified to the point of phobic about suffering.. my own... or even worse... having to watch someone I love suffer.   

Taking on board what you & tates have both said about the suddeness just strengthens my attitude about not leaving things unsaid and never assuming someone knows how I feel about them!   (this sounds dead slushy..  its not always, there have been some very frank & business like conversations in our family too)

People mourn and grieve in different ways though - it's a bit harsh to say that someone doesn't care because they don't conform to what someone else thinks is the accepted way of showing grief.
Only the person going through it really knows how they feel

*sigh* I'm regretting my original post to be honest.

You haven't upset anyone and are entitled to your feelings the same as the rest of us.  
I just wish we weren't so quick to judge.  Most of them in there are just kids who haven't worked out who they are yet.

Ditty.  We're all afraid.  You will find the strength to deal with whatever comes your way whether yourself or a member of your family.  

Tates... I keep typing & retyping my post... cos I can't quite find the right way of phrasing any of it.     You don't sound matter of fact to me, but then your description of your fathers passing was ... argghhh.. nice is the wrong word...  so is happy.... but you get what I mean... 

Re: the way JJ spoke of losing his father...   in my experience its not unusual for young men to deal with it like this..   to isolate the grief inside themselves & not let any emotion escape.
(.. and women... but in my family & friends its the men that internalise emotions).

Don't regret it .............it sparked up a debate ........just because we don't all agree - it doesn't make it bad. I thought it was an interesting and thought provoking thread

Well there's that, sensitive subject though. Thanks Sooz.

*considers this*

yeah...  thats true!

Untill you have "been there" conjecture is just that,,,not getting at anyone.we all deal with things differntly and in our own ways etc, that's all.

It wasn't aimed at you though, more of a general point about the nature of grief. Apologies if it came across that way

I'm  a bit raw just  now due to the death of my uncle..He was character etc.His fav song at parties etc  was and old Dean Martin song "Party dolls and wine"..also Rod Stewart  "If ya wan't ma body and ya think I'm sexy! etc"

Aww katty
But you can remember him with a smile too from the sound of it