Well I wondered about posting about myself here ...
lol a few close friends know me so well...
so I might as well lay myself bare ...
I have done so many group therapies more than the shrinks..lol
Im a Blackpool guy ,
born and bred
Im 43,
5'10" am a big burly skinhead bloke bouncer build , see look a like pic
I had a traumatic childhood with a crap mother (I use that term loosely) ...
she left when I was 8yo....(Hurrah
)
I had two elder sisters ...
My father was a wonderful Dad,
who worked very long hours to bring us up as good happy loved kids,
It was hard for him as being a single parent then was a rarity an even more so him a man doing it ..lol
I always respected him for that ...
I left school went into the Plumbing/gas fitting trade and got my apprenticeship ...
I had some mental health probs back then with depression /issues from my *mother*....
but nothing a good weekender on the beer never sorted out ....
My sis got Leukemia when I was in my mid 20s so gave up work , Gf, friends to care for her full time ....
she Sadly died a few Years later....RIP Jan
I then went through a very bad time mentally /sectioned,
but my Lovely Dad helped me carry on ...
started working again getting my life back ...
Til he got sick with a full blown stroke an I chucked it all in an tuck him in my house here,
an nursed him 24/7 single handed ,
he was doubly incontinent and needed constant care ...
Dont get me wrong I loved him to bits and it was a pleasure to do this hard demanding job ...
My other sis *spit* said get him in a nursing home .....
she always tuck after my *mother* ,lol
well that wasnt happening ...
so for the last 18yrs .....
I have nursed /cared and laffed with my Super dad ...
If you imagine Steptoe and Son ...LOL
but with lots of love and same laffs we got along .....
I could of smothered him many a time ..but I always remembered how he had brought me up and nursed/cared deeply for me/sis's ...
along the way...
I used to get a friday night *respite* =time out ...
carers came in to give me a break ..
I even got myself a very fit Babe fiancee who knew the set up and moved in but ....
theres always a but ....
she grew tired of my caring for my Dad and gave me the ultimatum him in a home or her leaving ...
well she went ...
I remember sat on my dads bed as he cradled me in his lil arms as I sobbed like a big baby as he held me ....
He got me through all that and up again , always there for me ..
beginning of last year ..
He started to get Dementia ....
Tore me apart as he didnt know me ...
other days he could be so cruel/nasty ...
but as he was ill I tuck it as his rotten illness ..
an other days he was childlike and so loving /funny ...
last summer he was just bed ridden ...
He died last Sept 30 ....
After the funeral ...
Oh I paid for it from my dwinderling saving my sis had no money of course....
I smashed the self destruct button to bits ...
I went home from his funeral and tuck an overdose ...
neighbour found me ...
I was sectioned ....
an I have tried countless times to end this *ride* Im on ...
I then got a good shrink who got me released ....
shes Brilliant
I go mental health clubs now to try and regain the old Superstar Confident guy I lost many years ago ....
I was drinking a big bottle of vodka a day last xmas ....
Im at a addiction club now to cut down ...
Im just on cans a few times a week now ...
I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now ...(I hope its not another train coming towards me ..lol..lol)
I see a few counsellors now to sort out my *issues*....
My shrink has been Excellent helping me keep on this wild roller coaster *ride* I call a life ....
well thats me ...
bet you wish you hadnt asked ..lol