Come and say hello 
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this thread reminds me of a ouija board...
its calling for contact with the good spirits... but opening the gate to all manner of beasties
its calling for contact with the good spirits... but opening the gate to all manner of beasties
We don't bite - much! 
Currently 34 guests....
Ohhhh - how do you know that velvet?
*waves at the 34*
*waves at the 34*
On the home page Rexi - lot's of peeps seem to be joining..
Oh yes - I didn't know that 
There's only 31 of them now - so I'm not going to wave again as I seem to be frightening them away
There's only 31 of them now - so I'm not going to wave again as I seem to be frightening them away
A man and his wife were awoken at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the
door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys
helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the
pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys
helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the
pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home..
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603
Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, " Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603
Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, " Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
Me too slim
ha ha ferny
have already reposted them on another forum
have already reposted them on another forum
ferny 
THE WIFE FROM HELL
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'
The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
(I love this part)
'Only when he's been drinking'
Soozy. As my husband will testify, I am that woman.
I don't mean that hubby has been done for motoring offences, I just mean I always tell the truth.Reference:
Soozy. As my husband will testify, I am that woman.
Britain's got talent auditions in Glasgow
Wee guy comes on stage,says he is Mr Hasslehoff's biggest fan.
Mr Hasslehoff says "Call me Hoff"
The wee guy replys "Na Hassle"
Wee guy comes on stage,says he is Mr Hasslehoff's biggest fan.
Mr Hasslehoff says "Call me Hoff"
The wee guy replys "Na Hassle"
Joan_Rivers 
tweets)
Congratulations to Victoria Beckham, who's pregnant with her fourth child! She's finally eating for one
tweets)Congratulations to Victoria Beckham, who's pregnant with her fourth child! She's finally eating for one
