get bored I must be more boring than watching paint dry 
tell me a joke
tell me a joke
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A woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who approaches her immediately. She seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he does, she gently caresses his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks.
"Actually, no," he replies.
"Can you get him for me," she says. "I need to speak to him."
"I'm afraid I can't. Is there anything I can do?" he asks.
"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies' room."
As he does, she gently caresses his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks.
"Actually, no," he replies.
"Can you get him for me," she says. "I need to speak to him."
"I'm afraid I can't. Is there anything I can do?" he asks.
"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies' room."
a high class joke 
I was in the bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
lol i like it kev 
quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
I was in the bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
that made me RL pmsl
quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
I was in the bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
that's a lot of wind. had you been on the brown ale and baked bean diet?
Hey that wasn't me it was a joke.
A bloke goes into the doctors and says, "I've got a mole on my love muscle, can you remove it please?"
So the chap pulls his trousers and pants down, and the doc says, "Yes sir, I can remove that mole... but I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you to the RSPCA."
So the chap pulls his trousers and pants down, and the doc says, "Yes sir, I can remove that mole... but I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you to the RSPCA."
kev did i say you could stop telling me jokes 
quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
A bloke goes into the doctors and says, "I've got a mole on my (what Kev said), can you remove it please?"
So the chap pulls his trousers and pants down, and the doc says, "Yes sir, I can remove that mole... but I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you to the RSPCA."
Kev
A clean one after that one from Kev!!!
EU Directive No. 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31 December 2009.
From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.
EU Directive No. 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31 December 2009.
From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.
lol rexi 
Oops I forgot to alter that bit. 
I've edited it, now Rexi has to edit her quote.
Sorry.
I've edited it, now Rexi has to edit her quote.
Sorry.
quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
Oops I forgot to alter that bit.
I've edited it, now Rexi has to edit her quote.
Sorry.
Done
Thanks Rexi, I've had one thread bopped to the TT don't want another.
At least it was my own that got bopped before.
At least it was my own that got bopped before.
quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
Thanks Rexi, I've had one thread bopped to the TT don't want another.
At least it was my own that got bopped before.
You naughty boy ... I shall have to go and look at that tomorrow
quote:Originally posted by Rexi:quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
Thanks Rexi, I've had one thread bopped to the TT don't want another.
At least it was my own that got bopped before.
You naughty boy ... I shall have to go and look at that tomorrow
It's my pride and joy...it's called 'Cool or Funny Picures'.
The last 10 or so pages have gotten really good.
quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
I was in the bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
I might of been a Feck up in this life ....
but as in a Pet Shop Boys video it stated....
I WAS NEVER BORED.....
COS I WAS NEVER BORING !......
I rest my case my honour ...lol
but as in a Pet Shop Boys video it stated....
I WAS NEVER BORED.....
COS I WAS NEVER BORING !......
I rest my case my honour ...lol
quote:Originally posted by King Kev:quote:Originally posted by Rexi:quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
Thanks Rexi, I've had one thread bopped to the TT don't want another.
At least it was my own that got bopped before.
You naughty boy ... I shall have to go and look at that tomorrow
It's my pride and joy...it's called 'Cool or Funny Picures'.
The last 10 or so pages have gotten really good.
I look at that thread every day Kev - amazing pictures
quote:Originally posted by *Yogi Bear*:quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
I was in the bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.
I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
that made me RL pmsl
iPod ???
quote:Originally posted by Mike Strutter:
iPod ???
iPod, youPod,
Lets call the whole thing off!
my brother just sent me an e-mail about farting that even i found disgusting 
quote:Originally posted by King Kev:
A woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who approaches her immediately. She seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he does, she gently caresses his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks.
"Actually, no," he replies.
"Can you get him for me," she says. "I need to speak to him."
"I'm afraid I can't. Is there anything I can do?" he asks.
"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies' room."
OK, I read this 10 minutes ago, and I'm still laughing....