I knew I had to get the weight off me and I have started on this Free gym sports stuff for fatties like me...lol



I was quite nervous /anxious my legs were like lead ...but I went in ....
It reminded me of that old Steve Coogan Comedy show about a swimming baths /fly on the wall type piss take ...
they were all Happy Happy Happy Bright People ........lol

anyway this young girl Gemma,
yeah she was fit and her thong was poking out her trackie bottoms ..lol
I think us blokes should be allowed to give wedgies when we see that ..???? Lol

well she showed me about,
I told her I hadnt been training for many years and she said how long I said ...Oh 23 years ...lol
she laffed and said Oh well Im only 18 and burst into laughter ...Hmmm
she was asking for a wedgie ..lol

I then went upstairs to the gym centre ..lol
Talk about Futuristic ...lol
I said wheres Buck Rogers and Tweekie ..lol
which fell on deaf ears as she looked at me like a mental ...

Oh I wore a long sleeve sweatshirt/ black jogging pants ,
as the beautiful ones were in lyrca and designer gear ..lol

she then showed me this Computer on the wall , touch screen and she inputted my data ,
and then gave me this Number ,
I said Hitler had a similiar thing for the condemned !
she explained every bit of kit /machine was all wired into the data base,
and it had info on every lil thing I touched /did ...OMFG !!
talk about Terminator and skynet ...hahahaha
imagine a weight bench crushing me and then attacking all humans ..lol

I mentioned this to Gemma ....about skynet will kill us all ...
again she looked a bit bewildered as I said erm dont worry it was a joke ...
Im sure she was getting frightened now so I thought drop the funnies ....hahaha
or until I joked with someone older than 12yo ..lol

we then went too a bike machine ..lol
it had lil tv screens and flashing buttons on it and alsorts on it ...
It would give the Blackpool Prom lights a run for their money ..lol
I asked where was the Nudge button I think we got a Jackpot ....
Oh well sour puss ...just shrugged her indifference at me ..lol

she set me off and I was cycling around a track on this tv screen ...
Im sure I had my black jogging pants on an not green lycra ones but oh well Im quite skinny on tv ...lol

well after 10 mins on that ...I was a lil heated ..lol

we then went on these weight machines very similiar to the old bloke gym I went,

where you lift weights and do reps ...

I liked that and was pumping it up and down ...*Sid James Laff*

Im sure she was swooning behind me ..hahahaha

she then put me on a walking machine ...lol

she said I will set you off and do 10 min ok ...

I was ok felt dead good .....
smiling to a Yummy mummy next to me on her walker ...lol
then this Gemma came back ,
and said Oh Good you got the hang of it I will speed it up now,
this is the OAP speed ...
Flipping hell I was running .....
holding the handles as she was saying walk fast,
and keep your bottom in /straight ...!!
I thought you cheeky cow ...
I am ....
thats my fat a*se ..lol
she then pressed the lower speed,
good job I tuck a hand towel,
as there was puddles of sweat everywhere ..lol
I lost 1 stone on that 10 min sprint ..erm brisk walk

she then showed me the other weight machines and I had to input my personal pin into it ,

so it all went to skynet for when Arnie comes back from the Future so he can not be bothered killing me ..
Im hardly a threat/resistance material ..lol ...lol

anyway the machines were good ...and No I didnt break any of them ...lol
I then went to the skynet terminal an as I pressed for a readout on my performance,
Im sure it laffed a bit in a Steven Hawkings type way ..lol
Im joining John Connor ..lol

anyway I staggered back to my car and fell in the seat and drove home ....
Happy at my first attempt at this gym/keepfit Mylarky
Oh as I was going
Gemma said Im sure your a funny Guy but Im sorry I didnt get your jokes ...but thanks for entertaining me ..
talk about a back handed compliment ...hmm ..lol
she then said how many times are you coming next week ...??
I said erm 2 times ..
she said well dont cheat cos Skynet is watching you and recording you ..lol
LOL
I drove home fearful and I got my Pussycat watching for Terminators ..lol

anyway


that was my first gym visit in 20 odd years ...
how was your *First time* ????..lol