quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:


Why do you feel selfish? If that's your choice .....so be it. Not selfish at all in my opinion .................as an aside I'd say that you're missing something very special but selfish...............NO!

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Go on, test the water, most FMs love to help where they can, so I don't think there's anything to worry about?
And you can bet if there isn't a FM who has had the same operation as you need to have, someone will know someone who has.

I think you're a true sweetie, no-one is going to be mean to you if you post a thread.

But if you really feel you can't post it here, keep googling, and use quote marks around the name of your op, there will be other forums around created by others who have had the same thing.

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It sounds a good idea Hyacinth it would be nice if someone on here could put your mind at rest, if you do decide to do the thread if I can help in any way I will

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Originally posted by HyacinthB:
Thanks fabienne. I've been told I have to have my gall bladder removed as I have gallstones apparently.

At least now I know what's been causing all the pain I've been experiencing. Had an ultrasound in June which brought it to light.

Haven't seen the consultant yet to find out what options there are but I'm absolutely terrified of having surgery.

I did find a recipe, when I was googling for information, for dispersing gallstones naturally but it's such a palaver and who knows whether it would work anyway.

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by ~Cosmopolitan~:Cheers!

Also, I have really good friends who chose not to have kids. They're lovely people and are wonderful with my lot, now, and when they were babies.

They get flack like you wouldn't believe!

My friend always said she couldn't trust herself with children because, hand on heart, she just didn't like them enough. LOL! I loved her for that.

Her hubby now has MS. She pointed out that she was even more glad that she's not had kids because she wanted to concentrate on hubby 100%.

Fair play, I think?

I kind of know how the child free feel. Coz I never wanted kids til I was in my mid 20s, (about 27 actually, ) and I got nagged to death by people about having one. Like I said, WHY do people always have to TELL you what to do! and then when I only had ONE, I got mithered to have another

quote:

Like you and your friend, thankfully it did not come between us and happily she now has twins who turned 3 last year.

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Originally posted by Cinds:
I am replying without reading the whole thread.

Do you really need to ask us (the forum)about your major life choices.

Have as many children as you want, whether its none, one, or six, do what we the forum members think really matter in your real life decisions.

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Sorry you've been in such pain, Hyacinth. Just did a quick google, and it does sound like a fairly straightforward op. I understand it's a daunting prospect if you've never had surgery before though...

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Originally posted by Soozy woo:
I've never understood the 'selfish' comments re people choosing not to have kids .....really I haven't.

On the contrary I feel sorry for them. and I dont mean that in a patronising way ...............I just have got sooooooooo much out of my kids (and grand children) that I'm quite sad that not everyone experiences that.

I really dont understand the selfish jibes at all.

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Originally posted by HyacinthB:
I have had surgery before fabienne but I never got this edgy about an operation in the past. It's the anaesthetic I'm more worried about I think.

I initially told my GP last week that I absolutely refused to have surgery but then, over the weekend, the pain was quite bad so I did concede defeat and rang the surgery on Monday to tell him to go ahead and do the referral letter.

I'm such a wuss but I do have COPD you see and my breathing is a problem so not sure how I'd cope with anaesthetic.

quote:

Originally posted by Miss_S:

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:
I've never understood the 'selfish' comments re people choosing not to have kids .....really I haven't.

On the contrary I feel sorry for them. and I dont mean that in a patronising way ...............I just have got sooooooooo much out of my kids (and grand children) that I'm quite sad that not everyone experiences that.

I really dont understand the selfish jibes at all.

Soozy I think it's because people presume that we wish to live our lives without the constraints of having children, spend our money on ourselves only etc.

And I can kind of see how people would think that...although in our case it's just that we are simply not interested in children.

I can understand how hard that must be for parents to relate to.

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Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:
In all honesty, I feel more selfish for making the decision to have a child than I ever did for not having one.

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I see... I'm sure you know though that anaesthetists can deal with all sorts nowadays. I'm sure Sarum could tell you more on this subject - she's an expert. I don't think they would contemplate the op if they weren't confident of a good result.

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

I see... I'm sure you know though that anaesthetists can deal with all sorts nowadays. I'm sure Sarum could tell you more on this subject - she's an expert. I don't think they would contemplate the op if they weren't confident of a good result.

Yes, you're right fabienne. I'm probably putting the cart before the horse I guess as I haven't even seen the consultant yet so there may be several options available - who knows but many thanks indeed for your kindness.

As you say, if anyone knows about surgery, it will be Sarum. God knows how she got through it all but she handled it with such stoicism.

quote:

Originally posted by fabienne:

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

I see... I'm sure you know though that anaesthetists can deal with all sorts nowadays. I'm sure Sarum could tell you more on this subject - she's an expert. I don't think they would contemplate the op if they weren't confident of a good result.

Yes, you're right fabienne. I'm probably putting the cart before the horse I guess as I haven't even seen the consultant yet so there may be several options available - who knows but many thanks indeed for your kindness.

As you say, if anyone knows about surgery, it will be Sarum. God knows how she got through it all but she handled it with such stoicism.

She's also an anaesthetist, if I remember rightly.

quote:

Originally posted by Cinds:
I am replying without reading the whole thread.

Do you really need to ask us (the forum)about your major life choices.

Have as many children as you want, whether its none, one, or six, do what we the forum members think really matter in your real life decisions.

quote:

Originally posted by MrMeatAndPotatoPie:
Bump... knocking mj threads off the page

quote:

Originally posted by PinkBabe1966:
I have read the whole thread and answers with a great interest.

I was never maternal when younger, got married quite late in life and we then decided that we would like children.


Tried and then went to doctors, had all necessary tests done and I found out that, after suddenly becoming very maternal, (mid 30's), I could'nt have a child.

It broke my heart as I have a brother 4 years younger than me and even though we fought like cat and dog when younger, just let anyone else have a go at either of us!!!!

I got really upset by people who we know asking us when we were starting a family as "You aren't getting any younger", but have now come to terms with it and just ignore the comments.

My husband was an only child, but was brought up with his cousin and considers her almost a sister and she has 4 kids, 3 boys and a girl and she is the only person who has never asked me the reasons why I have not had a baby.

I am lucky. I get on with her kids really well, they dont call me auntie, but consider me their auntie and tell their friends and boyfriends/girlfriends this. And yes...... I spoil them rotten!!

I think if you only want one child, that is your decision, you may decide differently in the future but you sound as if you have a wonderful relationship with your child and that is something to be really, really grateful for. People can be very unkind, even when they think they are being well meaning. I'm actually glad that I am now approaching my mid 40's and do not get the question as much, because at one time, when asked I used to go home and just cry over it.

It's strange, even though I can't have kids, I still get that maternal "pull" when I see a baby, but hey, thats life.

quote:

Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:

quote:

Originally posted by PinkBabe1966:
I have read the whole thread and answers with a great interest.

I was never maternal when younger, got married quite late in life and we then decided that we would like children.


Tried and then went to doctors, had all necessary tests done and I found out that, after suddenly becoming very maternal, (mid 30's), I could'nt have a child.

It broke my heart as I have a brother 4 years younger than me and even though we fought like cat and dog when younger, just let anyone else have a go at either of us!!!!

I got really upset by people who we know asking us when we were starting a family as "You aren't getting any younger", but have now come to terms with it and just ignore the comments.

My husband was an only child, but was brought up with his cousin and considers her almost a sister and she has 4 kids, 3 boys and a girl and she is the only person who has never asked me the reasons why I have not had a baby.

I am lucky. I get on with her kids really well, they dont call me auntie, but consider me their auntie and tell their friends and boyfriends/girlfriends this. And yes...... I spoil them rotten!!

I think if you only want one child, that is your decision, you may decide differently in the future but you sound as if you have a wonderful relationship with your child and that is something to be really, really grateful for. People can be very unkind, even when they think they are being well meaning. I'm actually glad that I am now approaching my mid 40's and do not get the question as much, because at one time, when asked I used to go home and just cry over it.

It's strange, even though I can't have kids, I still get that maternal "pull" when I see a baby, but hey, thats life.

quote:

Originally posted by Marguerita:
Hi again Hyacinth my brother has had kidney stones removed which was quite straight forward he was in terrible pain with them ,he has chronic lung problems since he was a child and was scared of having being put to sleep in case it would affect his lungs after the operation ,he had the operation and is free of the awful pain he suffered and he is fine

quote:

Originally posted by PinkBabe1966:
I have read the whole thread and answers with a great interest.

I was never maternal when younger, got married quite late in life and we then decided that we would like children.


Tried and then went to doctors, had all necessary tests done and I found out that, after suddenly becoming very maternal, (mid 30's), I could'nt have a child.

It broke my heart as I have a brother 4 years younger than me and even though we fought like cat and dog when younger, just let anyone else have a go at either of us!!!!

I got really upset by people who we know asking us when we were starting a family as "You aren't getting any younger", but have now come to terms with it and just ignore the comments.

My husband was an only child, but was brought up with his cousin and considers her almost a sister and she has 4 kids, 3 boys and a girl and she is the only person who has never asked me the reasons why I have not had a baby.

I am lucky. I get on with her kids really well, they dont call me auntie, but consider me their auntie and tell their friends and boyfriends/girlfriends this. And yes...... I spoil them rotten!!

I think if you only want one child, that is your decision, you may decide differently in the future but you sound as if you have a wonderful relationship with your child and that is something to be really, really grateful for. People can be very unkind, even when they think they are being well meaning. I'm actually glad that I am now approaching my mid 40's and do not get the question as much, because at one time, when asked I used to go home and just cry over it.

It's strange, even though I can't have kids, I still get that maternal "pull" when I see a baby, but hey, thats life.

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:
I have been getting so much grief over the past few weeks from busybodies. Family , friends , people in the streets , people at playgroup , because I have decided to only have one child.

I am tired of having to justify myself to people telling them my daughter won't suffer for lack of a sibling , that I won't turn her into a brat and that she won't turn into a weirdo.

I have made this choice because I want to be able to give my daughter everything. I don't just mean in monetary terms but in time. I just don't feel that I would be able to devote as much time (and certainly not money) to her if I had another one.

I adore my baby and don't want anything to hold her back in this blooming society where kids get picked on because they don't have the right trainers.

So do you think I'm being selfish? Would she be much happier with a sibling? Will she feel an odd one out? Or am I being sensible in a world where folk pop out children wand pay for them by claiming benefits?

(Disclaimer - I am not having a go at anyone on benefits , anoyone who has more than one child and anyone who doesn't spend every waking minute with their children)

quote:

Originally posted by Cinds:
I am replying without reading the whole thread.

Do you really need to ask us (the forum)about your major life choices.

Have as many children as you want, whether its none, one, or six, do what we the forum members think really matter in your real life decisions.

quote:

Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by ~Cosmopolitan~:Cheers!

Also, I have really good friends who chose not to have kids. They're lovely people and are wonderful with my lot, now, and when they were babies.

They get flack like you wouldn't believe!

My friend always said she couldn't trust herself with children because, hand on heart, she just didn't like them enough. LOL! I loved her for that.

Her hubby now has MS. She pointed out that she was even more glad that she's not had kids because she wanted to concentrate on hubby 100%.

Fair play, I think?

I kind of know how the child free feel. Coz I never wanted kids til I was in my mid 20s, (about 27 actually, ) and I got nagged to death by people about having one. Like I said, WHY do people always have to TELL you what to do! and then when I only had ONE, I got mithered to have another

I've been with hubby since for 17 years, since we were 21. We didn't want kids until now but I've put up with many really rude and hurtful remarks by people who thought we should have them. It was the one about being selfish that used to really get on my nerves. The thing is the comments were nearly always directed at me when in fact hubby was less bothered than me. Now I'm getting comments about being selfish for waiting until now to have kids. I just know that once baby's here I'm going to start getting the same questions and looks that you're getting now Arwen. I don't give a flying one anymore about other people's opinions. It's my family and my business just as it's your family and your business Arwen.

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Originally posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
I think I've told you before... but... one of my bessie mates made exactly the same decision as you, before they had their daughter they wanted loads, but after she was born they felt the way you do.