It is your decision no one elses

There is no right or wrong

There is no perfect walton family

There is brothers and sisters who dont get on and only children who earn for siblings

There are only children who loved the fact they were only children

There are brothers and sisters who couldnt imagine growing up without each other

So no one knows the right answer and the answer cannot be right or wrong

good luck to you and your family you all sound happy and that is a great childhood for any child full stop.

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Hyacinth people can be very insensitive and I dont think they realise how much hurt they are causing when they keep on about starting a family,it must have been a very upsetting time for you ,you are a lovely lady one of the best on this forum and I am sending you a big hugs

Aww, Marguerita, what lovely words. Thank you so much.

I'm actually quite surprised I opened up on the subject as it isn't something I would normally do.

It felt your time to feel you could open up as you are a private person and I see that as a good thing, I am also very private there was once I felt like opening up on a subject I never thought I would ever talk about,I wrote out my post and dithered over it for too long and decided not to post it ,it obviously was not my time to open up about that subject but when it feels right I may ,I think it is good for the soul when we open up now and again,and I can see it took a lot for you to post in this thread and I applaud you for that lovely lady

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:

I am shellfish

*puts on serious head*

If you ever change your mind it's you and your husband's choice, time is a funny thing, you may feel one way one minute then suddenly change your mind the next. Do whatever feels right for the 3 of you.



My husband made me wait 5 yrs between each child...

Maybe you should mke him wait 5 years for the next shag


JK

quote:

Originally posted by Marguerita:It felt your time to feel you could open up as you are a private person and I see that as a good thing, I am also very private there was once I felt like opening up on a subject I never thought I would ever talk about,I wrote out my post and dithered over it for too long and decided not to post it ,it obviously was not my time to open up about that subject but when it feels right I may ,I think it is good for the soul when we open up now and again,and I can see it took a lot for you to post in this thread and I applaud you for that lovely lady

hear hear ...

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
Maybe you should mke him wait 5 years for the next shag


JK

Well that child is 9 now, why didn't you tell me then!

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:I would never, ever have a go at anyone for choosing to have one child. Especially angelicawren .........she is one of my fave FM's ..........just saying that I cherish my relationship with my sister and love to watch the intereaction between my kids. As children single siblings might not be lonely .............as you get older .................it's wonderful to have someone who knows you inside out and (for the most part) is non judgemental.


NO WAY AM I HAVING A GO AT ANGELICA!

I know, don't shout that's why I said, you are entitled to your views and put a smiley

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by lightfoot:
I was an only child..I never felt alone, had a great childhood, I went on to have 2 children.. a boy and a girl. My son didn't want children, my daughter has a girl now 14, and said as soon as her daughter was born she didn't want any more.. and didn't. My granddaughter is loved has a good life (ups and downs like all teenagers). It really is individual choice, and whatever makes you as a family happy.

Like I said, I don't 'get' why people assume an only child will be lonely? It's like they think 'onlys' can't and won't have friends. If anything, they often have more.

But it really isn't about friends is it? I wouldn't tell anyone what to do or how to live their life but sibling relationships are a bit special IMO. Closer than any friend can ever be.

That's your point of view..I'm not telling anyone how to live their lives, but siblings can and do fall out really badly.

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
Maybe you should mke him wait 5 years for the next shag


JK

Well that child is 9 now, why didn't you tell me then!

Sorry

The girl I work with is 20 years married and they don't have children. There's nothing wrong with either of them, it's simply a choice they made. They get an awful amount of stick and some very insensitive comments thrown their way, to the point that she now tells people she can't conceive. People are so nosey and intrusive it's disgraceful

I can't see myself EVER having another child....don't get me wrong I loved being pregnant....but I couldn't go through those ten torturous days in hospital again. As it turns out with me bp not settling it may not be a good idea to risk it again, so I've been told , but I pity the fool who tries to stick their oar in and change me mind

If you don't want any more children, then good for you for reaching a decision about your life

Loneliness has nothing to do with how many people surround you. Sometimes a crowded room can be the loneliest place on earth...

Loneliness is a feeling not a state.

quote:

Originally posted by Marguerita:

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Hyacinth people can be very insensitive and I dont think they realise how much hurt they are causing when they keep on about starting a family,it must have been a very upsetting time for you ,you are a lovely lady one of the best on this forum and I am sending you a big hugs

Aww, Marguerita, what lovely words. Thank you so much.

I'm actually quite surprised I opened up on the subject as it isn't something I would normally do.

It felt your time to feel you could open up as you are a private person and I see that as a good thing, I am also very private there was once I felt like opening up on a subject I never thought I would ever talk about,I wrote out my post and dithered over it for too long and decided not to post it ,it obviously was not my time to open up about that subject but when it feels right I may ,I think it is good for the soul when we open up now and again,and I can see it took a lot for you to post in this thread and I applaud you for that lovely lady

What a lovely post. And I completely agree.

I agree lightfoot; I know more siblings that don't get on than I do siblings that do. Soozy is very lucky if she gets on fabulously with all of hers. Many do not and friends are just as precious as siblings IMO.

quote:

Originally posted by electric6:
Loneliness has nothing to do with how many people surround you. Sometimes a crowded room can be the loneliest place on earth...

Loneliness is a feeling not a state.

That`s very true, Leccy.

One of my daughter's best friend is an only child and she loves it. She is of the nicest girl I have ever met..just shows you, an only child doesn't necessarily mean spoilt.

Both my parents came from HUGE families and I'm an only child.

It's stuff and nonsense to say only children are lonely, shy or selfish. You might as well say that all girls get along with their sisters.

People generalise.

Children are a blessing not a right. And if ever that was obvious, then reading the posts on here confirms it. Every child is precious, and our only duty as parents is to see that we love, care and cherish them. The number doesn't matter, the actions and intent do.

PS...I've got 3 (grown up) kids. They all drive me insane in equal measure, be it solo or when they gang up.

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:
One of my daughter's best friend is an only child and she loves it. She is of the nicest girl I have ever met..just shows you, an only child doesn't necessarily mean spoilt.

The new sensible Q scares me a little

quote:

Originally posted by Templetonpeck:
The girl I work with is 20 years married and they don't have children. There's nothing wrong with either of them, it's simply a choice they made. They get an awful amount of stick and some very insensitive comments thrown their way, to the point that she now tells people she can't conceive. People are so nosey and intrusive it's disgraceful

I can't see myself EVER having another child....don't get me wrong I loved being pregnant....but I couldn't go through those ten torturous days in hospital again. As it turns out with me bp not settling it may not be a good idea to risk it again, so I've been told , but I pity the fool who tries to stick their oar in and change me mind

If you don't want any more children, then good for you for reaching a decision about your life

Excellent post Temps. I am sure this will cheer Angie up I think also that many people of our generation are choosing to have only one child, and are realising that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it, despite the narrow minded views of some. Like there is nothing wrong with having NONE if you so wish. Why do people see fit to stick their sticky beak in! I used to get upset by it when my daughter was little, but I don't give a shit now

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:
One of my daughter's best friend is an only child and she loves it. She is of the nicest girl I have ever met..just shows you, an only child doesn't necessarily mean spoilt.

Good post Queen

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:
One of my daughter's best friend is an only child and she loves it. She is of the nicest girl I have ever met..just shows you, an only child doesn't necessarily mean spoilt.

The new sensible Q scares me a little

Sorry I am a little tired!


Just come back from school production.

quote:

Originally posted by ~Cosmopolitan~:
Both my parents came from HUGE families and I'm an only child.

It's stuff and nonsense to say only children are lonely, shy or selfish. You might as well say that all girls get along with their sisters.

People generalise.

Children are a blessing not a right. And if ever that was obvious, then reading the posts on here confirms it. Every child is precious, and our only duty as parents is to see that we love, care and cherish them. The number doesn't matter, the actions and intent do.

PS...I've got 3 (grown up) kids. They all drive me insane in equal measure, be it solo or when they gang up.

Also good post Cosmopolitan. And well said! People do generalise and assume and it's damn annoying!

quote:

Originally posted by electric6:
Loneliness has nothing to do with how many people surround you. Sometimes a crowded room can be the loneliest place on earth...

Loneliness is a feeling not a state.

I agrree with every word you have said so true

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by Templetonpeck:
The girl I work with is 20 years married and they don't have children. There's nothing wrong with either of them, it's simply a choice they made. They get an awful amount of stick and some very insensitive comments thrown their way, to the point that she now tells people she can't conceive. People are so nosey and intrusive it's disgraceful

I can't see myself EVER having another child....don't get me wrong I loved being pregnant....but I couldn't go through those ten torturous days in hospital again. As it turns out with me bp not settling it may not be a good idea to risk it again, so I've been told , but I pity the fool who tries to stick their oar in and change me mind

If you don't want any more children, then good for you for reaching a decision about your life

Excellent post Temps. I am sure this will cheer Angie up I think also that many people of our generation are choosing to have only one child, and are realising that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it, despite the narrow minded views of some. Like there is nothing wrong with having NONE if you so wish. Why do people see fit to stick their sticky beak in! I used to get upset by it when my daughter was little, but I don't give a shit now

I think it's more important to look at your life and what you want and make a decision based on that, rather than having children just because you can.

I don't know why people feel they have the right to tell you otherwise. I actually sat there with the girl in work as a woman told her she was selfish for not having children, she should think of all those women who can't conceive and realise how lucky she is Why do think it's a personal knock against them?

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by ~Cosmopolitan~:
Both my parents came from HUGE families and I'm an only child.

It's stuff and nonsense to say only children are lonely, shy or selfish. You might as well say that all girls get along with their sisters.

People generalise.

Children are a blessing not a right. And if ever that was obvious, then reading the posts on here confirms it. Every child is precious, and our only duty as parents is to see that we love, care and cherish them. The number doesn't matter, the actions and intent do.

PS...I've got 3 (grown up) kids. They all drive me insane in equal measure, be it solo or when they gang up.

Also good post Cosmopolitan. And well said! People do generalise and assume and it's damn annoying!

Cheers!

Also, I have really good friends who chose not to have kids. They're lovely people and are wonderful with my lot, now, and when they were babies.

They get flack like you wouldn't believe!

My friend always said she couldn't trust herself with children because, hand on heart, she just didn't like them enough. LOL! I loved her for that.

Her hubby now has MS. She pointed out that she was even more glad that she's not had kids because she wanted to concentrate on hubby 100%.

Fair play, I think?

quote:

Originally posted by ~Cosmopolitan~:Cheers!

Also, I have really good friends who chose not to have kids. They're lovely people and are wonderful with my lot, now, and when they were babies.

They get flack like you wouldn't believe!

My friend always said she couldn't trust herself with children because, hand on heart, she just didn't like them enough. LOL! I loved her for that.

Her hubby now has MS. She pointed out that she was even more glad that she's not had kids because she wanted to concentrate on hubby 100%.

Fair play, I think?

I kind of know how the child free feel. Coz I never wanted kids til I was in my mid 20s, (about 27 actually, ) and I got nagged to death by people about having one. Like I said, WHY do people always have to TELL you what to do! and then when I only had ONE, I got mithered to have another

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:
One of my daughter's best friend is an only child and she loves it. She is of the nicest girl I have ever met..just shows you, an only child doesn't necessarily mean spoilt.

The new sensible Q scares me a little

Sorry I am a little tired!


Just come back from school production.

*jazz hands*

I think maybe I've been misunderstood.

there is no way I'd tell anyone that they have to have children .....or they should have more than one.

personally I find it really, really sad that people on here talk about siblings not getting on and assuming th\at's the majority.


I have been blessed with a sister that I adore .................(it wasn't always like that.......as kids we fought like cat and dog) and three kids who have a great relationship .........to me family is all ..........no one comes between me and my family.

But .................I'd never try to influence anyone on whether to have kids or how many etc. .....................it's a very persoal thing.

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:


*jazz hands*

Nah...it was just brilliant! It was Dick Whittington and his Cat. We did the scenery and the props. Play was just brilliant...kids were fantastic. I am still singing the songs in my head.

Just a huge bunch of flowers as a thanks...so it was worth it.

youll be laughing when yours is off to uni and your out down the pub and they are still at home with nebby kids

quote:

Originally posted by Marguerita:

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Hyacinth people can be very insensitive and I dont think they realise how much hurt they are causing when they keep on about starting a family,it must have been a very upsetting time for you ,you are a lovely lady one of the best on this forum and I am sending you a big hugs

Aww, Marguerita, what lovely words. Thank you so much.

I'm actually quite surprised I opened up on the subject as it isn't something I would normally do.

It felt your time to feel you could open up as you are a private person and I see that as a good thing, I am also very private there was once I felt like opening up on a subject I never thought I would ever talk about,I wrote out my post and dithered over it for too long and decided not to post it ,it obviously was not my time to open up about that subject but when it feels right I may ,I think it is good for the soul when we open up now and again,and I can see it took a lot for you to post in this thread and I applaud you for that lovely lady

Thank you Marguerita.

I know exactly how you feel though with regard to making a post and then deciding not to go ahead. I've done the same so many times too so I quite surprised myself today in responding to Angelica's thread.

There is something else I'd like to discuss on here regarding an operation I've got to have but don't have the nerve to start a thread on it.

I have googled some information but I'd like to know if anyone has had a similar operation and what their experience was etc.

Maybe I'll do a thread one of these days.

It is infuriating when people interfere.

I'm in an unusual situation which most women cannot understand in that I do not have children but this is through choice - I have never been maternal and fortunately my wonderful husband has always appreciated this.

But it doesn't stop family and friends always saying I'll change my mind etc - not likely now I'm not far off 40

I wasn't sure about posting as I do feel very selfish especially when I read your story Hyacinth

I realise it is something not many people understand.....

My girlfriend is an only child, and she's often commented that she wished she had a relationship like I do with my sister, and how she was lonely at times when she was young.

Then again, that's more down to how she was raised. Her parents didn't let her play out, so she would be on one side of the fence and all her little friends would be on the other. Then they got tired of doing that and so she was left with the maid while her parents were working, and then at the weekend she'd just be with family, so she was quite close to some of her cousins (and there were a lot).

I suspect had she been allowed outside, she wouldn't have been so lonely, as she's definitely the type that makes friends very easily.

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

I know exactly how you feel though with regard to making a post and then deciding not to go ahead. I've done the same so many times too so I quite surprised myself today in responding to Angelica's thread.

There is something else I'd like to discuss on here regarding an operation I've got to have but don't have the nerve to start a thread on it.

I have googled some information but I'd like to know if anyone has had a similar operation and what their experience was etc.

Maybe I'll do a thread one of these days.

I've had a few major ops in my time, Hyacinth, so if you want to discuss, I'm up for it.

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:
There is something else I'd like to discuss on here regarding an operation I've got to have but don't have the nerve to start a thread on it.

I have googled some information but I'd like to know if anyone has had a similar operation and what their experience was etc.

Maybe I'll do a thread one of these days.

Hiya

Go on, test the water, most FMs love to help where they can, so I don't think there's anything to worry about?
And you can bet if there isn't a FM who has had the same operation as you need to have, someone will know someone who has.

I think you're a true sweetie, no-one is going to be mean to you if you post a thread.

But if you really feel you can't post it here, keep googling, and use quote marks around the name of your op, there will be other forums around created by others who have had the same thing.

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Originally posted by Marguerita:

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Hyacinth people can be very insensitive and I dont think they realise how much hurt they are causing when they keep on about starting a family,it must have been a very upsetting time for you ,you are a lovely lady one of the best on this forum and I am sending you a big hugs

Aww, Marguerita, what lovely words. Thank you so much.

I'm actually quite surprised I opened up on the subject as it isn't something I would normally do.

It felt your time to feel you could open up as you are a private person and I see that as a good thing, I am also very private there was once I felt like opening up on a subject I never thought I would ever talk about,I wrote out my post and dithered over it for too long and decided not to post it ,it obviously was not my time to open up about that subject but when it feels right I may ,I think it is good for the soul when we open up now and again,and I can see it took a lot for you to post in this thread and I applaud you for that lovely lady

Thank you Marguerita.

I know exactly how you feel though with regard to making a post and then deciding not to go ahead. I've done the same so many times too so I quite surprised myself today in responding to Angelica's thread.

There is something else I'd like to discuss on here regarding an operation I've got to have but don't have the nerve to start a thread on it.

I have googled some information but I'd like to know if anyone has had a similar operation and what their experience was etc.

Maybe I'll do a thread one of these days.

It sounds a good idea Hyacinth it would be nice if someone on here could put your mind at rest, if you do decide to do the thread if I can help in any way I will

quote:

Originally posted by Miss_S:
It is infuriating when people interfere.

I'm in an unusual situation which most women cannot understand in that I do not have children but this is through choice - I have never been maternal and fortunately my wonderful husband has always appreciated this.

But it doesn't stop family and friends always saying I'll change my mind etc - not likely now I'm not far off 40

I wasn't sure about posting as I do feel very selfish especially when I read your story Hyacinth

I realise it is something not many people understand.....

Not selfish at all Miss S. You're being entirely honest and, let's face it, not everyone does have that maternal urge.

Several of our friends are childless but by choice and I certainly don't consider them selfish at all.

There was just once when one of them got pregnant and had an abortion which really did upset me as it was at a time when I was going through all the necessary fertility tests myself so it did break my heart when she deliberately aborted her baby but, hey, it was nothing to do with me and we're still great buddies.

I've never told her how sad I felt about it though. I wouldn't impose my views as it was the business of herself and her husband.

My advice - and I know I'm poking my nose in here....is talk if you feel the urge to.
Never ever think that no one wants to listen.
Parent or not, most people are good people and will offer any and every point of view.

All of it helps - even the negative stuff because it makes you realise what you truly think and feel.

Soz to waffle. x

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by pretty~cocoa~eyes:
Society is a huge mess, if people spent more time concentrating on themselves and their families rather than busy-bodying all over the place, the world would be such a better place...

Do what is right by you hun..

Well said. LOVE your avatar by the way

Ah, but I have a sister and we have never got on. There's only 18 months between us but we are like chalk and cheese and can't stand each other. In fact, she ended up on remand in prison for attempted murder because she set fire to my annexe flat whilst I was asleep because I hadn't invited her to my 19th birthday party. OK, that's a pretty extreme example I know, but there are no guarantees that siblings will get on. My bf has a fantastic relationship with her youger sister and is really stressed about not having been able to conceive a sibling for her 5 year old yet because she thinks she'll be depriving him of a fantastic relationship because that's what her own experience dictates. I think most kids generally adapt to their own circumstances, as long as the parents are happy, loving and attentive, I would say that's the most important thing IMO.

quote:

Originally posted by Miss_S:
It is infuriating when people interfere.

I'm in an unusual situation which most women cannot understand in that I do not have children but this is through choice - I have never been maternal and fortunately my wonderful husband has always appreciated this.

But it doesn't stop family and friends always saying I'll change my mind etc - not likely now I'm not far off 40

I wasn't sure about posting as I do feel very selfish especially when I read your story Hyacinth

I realise it is something not many people understand.....

Why do you feel selfish? If that's your choice .....so be it. Not selfish at all in my opinion .................as an aside I'd say that you're missing something very special but selfish...............NO!

quote:

Originally posted by fabienne:

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

I know exactly how you feel though with regard to making a post and then deciding not to go ahead. I've done the same so many times too so I quite surprised myself today in responding to Angelica's thread.

There is something else I'd like to discuss on here regarding an operation I've got to have but don't have the nerve to start a thread on it.

I have googled some information but I'd like to know if anyone has had a similar operation and what their experience was etc.

Maybe I'll do a thread one of these days.

I've had a few major ops in my time, Hyacinth, so if you want to discuss, I'm up for it.

Thanks fabienne. I've been told I have to have my gall bladder removed as I have gallstones apparently.

At least now I know what's been causing all the pain I've been experiencing. Had an ultrasound in June which brought it to light.

Haven't seen the consultant yet to find out what options there are but I'm absolutely terrified of having surgery.

I did find a recipe, when I was googling for information, for dispersing gallstones naturally but it's such a palaver and who knows whether it would work anyway.

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

Not selfish at all Miss S. You're being entirely honest and, let's face it, not everyone does have that maternal urge.

Several of our friends are childless but by choice and I certainly don't consider them selfish at all.

There was just once when one of them got pregnant and had an abortion which really did upset me as it was at a time when I was going through all the necessary fertility tests myself so it did break my heart when she deliberately aborted her baby but, hey, it was nothing to do with me and we're still great buddies.

I've never told her how sad I felt about it though. I wouldn't impose my views as it was the business of herself and her husband.

Thank you Hyacinth

I can completely understand your feelings at your friend's decision.

One of my best friends underwent IVF for years and all the way through I felt so guilty - but at the same time could not understand her desire to want a child so much. Just as she could not understand my decision either.

Like you and your friend, thankfully it did not come between us and happily she now has twins who turned 3 last year.

Life is strange