angelic

It is entirely your decision. You do what you want to do.

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:
Thanks for your help everyone. I just feel like everyone is looking at me to see if I have a hint of pregnancy all the time

There are a lot of twins in my family. My brothers are twins , my husband is a twin and my nephews are twins so I'm not sure I can take the risk

So there's every likelihood you could have twins too.

Just to have one child who is loved and cherished is the most important thing as is having several kiddies. It's entirely the choice of the couple concerned as to how large or small they would like their family to be.

My sister has four children and my husband's sister has two. All boys. I would have loved a little niece to buy pretty dresses for but at least now I have three great nieces and one great nephew which is lovely.

quote:

Originally posted by fabienne:
It's nobody else's business.

We wanted more than one, but nature wouldn't oblige, so out of 3 pregnancies, we just have one wonderful child. Can't complain.

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:


Just to have one child who is loved and cherished is the most important thing as is having several kiddies. It's entirely the choice of the couple concerned as to how large or small they would like their family to be.

My sister has four children and my husband's sister has two. All boys. I would have loved a little niece to buy pretty dresses for but at least now I have three great nieces and one great nephew which is lovely.

Absolutely Hyacinth

It's up to you,how dare folk suggest otherwise.

Society is a huge mess, if people spent more time concentrating on themselves and their families rather than busy-bodying all over the place, the world would be such a better place...

Do what is right by you hun..

After I had my daughter I felt just like you angel. I was so happy to have this perfect child and didn't contemplate having another one. When she was two, I fell pregnant again (by accident) and had my son. It took a while to get used to the thought of another baby, including being worried about taking any love away from her and all the other things that go through your mind. I'm very glad now that I had another child, but I think it's a completely personal matter and you should not get pressurised into doing something you don't want.

quote:

How many children should I have?

Who can say?..I was lucky enough to have 2..(miscarried one)

Angie; me and my hubby have one child; she is 14, and is the happiest, most well-balanced child we know. Me and her dad have had a decent marriage, though it has had it's ups and downs and we have been getting on REALLY well for several years now, and our little family of THREE is the happiest family I know, and my daughter is the happiest child I know, and she frequently says how she loves her life and how cool her parents are and how she feels 'blessed' and 'lucky' to have us... Especially as 80% of her classmates parents are no longer together. (or never were!)

She is intelligent and in top class at school in everything (sorry if this sounds boastful, but it's true,) she is articulate and creative and talented at music and art and drama and good at science, and what's more, she has had more friends in her wee short life than I have ever had in my life, and always has at least six or seven. She is not - and never HAS been 'lonely' or deprived of company in any way.

She has 2 parties a year, (Christmas and her birthday,) and invites between 10 and 15 people each time, and they ALL turn up. And me and her dad have a WONDERFUL relationship with her... I have an amazing mother/daughter relationship with her and we are friends and soul mates and have a lovely time together. We go shopping together, on weekend trips together (on the weekends my hubby works,) and we go on daytrips, picnics, the cinema and long shoping trips. We have been to see several film premieres together, we go to concerts together and she is the happiest, most secure child I have ever known. I go for coffees and pub lunches with my pals every 5 or 6 weeks or so, but I enjoy my daughter's company so much that I LOVE being with her too! Also, me an dher and her dad (my hubby) go for meals once a month or so and have a real laugh and a great time. And we go on family trips/holidays once or twice a year too.

And she has never ever been lonely! I don't know WHY people assume 'only' children are lonely. Do people think they have no friends just coz they have no siblings? How odd. She has always played with kids in our road, and her cousins too, when she sees them (which is about every 6 weeks to 2 months.)

She likes her own company and puts her nose in her laptop or the PS3 half the time she is at home. She also loves to write and draw, and enjoys me-time a lot as well as being with me and her dad and her pals.

This idea that a child will be lonely as an only child is hogwash. I was ALSO an only child til I was 12 when my brother was born, and by the time he got to a age where he could 'play,' I was working! So to all intents and purposes, I was an only child through my childhood. Again, I have NEVER been lonely, but like my daughter I do like my own company ..

I was told I could not have kids after I had our daughter, and I told people whenever they asked me ' I cannot HAVE any more' in a stern tone, and changed the subject. They get very embarrassed and shut up. So the idea that you could tell them you can't have any more is not a bad one.

But Angie hun, the amount of times I got asked 'when is the next one?' got on my piggin' nerves! What business is it of theirs? If you just want ONE that is up to you sweetie. SOD everyone else. Are they gonna look after it for you and support it financially and get up in the middle of the night and babysit so you can go out!? No, it will be YOU that does it. So tell people you are NOT gonna have any more and refuse to discuss it, or just say that you can't have any more. But do NOT have any more, if you don't want. The idea that your daughter will definately be lonely is rubbish! I know many people who had siblings who were much more unhappy or lonely in their childhood that *I* ever was.

quote:

Originally posted by scatterby:

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Originally posted by scatterby:
I am an only child and I had a wonderful childhood. I'm now pregnant with my first (after trying for 9 years/fertility treatment, etc.) and so it looks like this one will be an only one too. I think these days it's quite a common thing anyway.

You do what you feel happy with

Oh, that's wonderful news scatterby. Congratulations - when is your baby due?

Thank you Hyacinth Due on 9th October.

Ahh, so it will be a Libra baby. A wonderful star sign. Librans generally have fabulous dispositions.

I bet you can't wait for October to arrive eh?

Well said, excellent post, Pixie.

quote:

Hyacinth people can be very insensitive and I dont think they realise how much hurt they are causing when they keep on about starting a family,it must have been a very upsetting time for you ,you are a lovely lady one of the best on this forum and I am sending you a big hugs

Aww, Marguerita, what lovely words. Thank you so much.

I'm actually quite surprised I opened up on the subject as it isn't something I would normally do.

quote:

Originally posted by fabienne:
Well said, excellent post, Pixie.

Cheers sweetie

Gosh thanks Pixie.

I was racking my brains (doesn;t take long ) to think of someone I knew who was an only child but I don't!

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:


You're blessed to have one fabienne - we weren't that fortunate sadly.

I didn't tell a lot of people at the time about the anguish I was going through but it was upsetting when folk kept saying 'when are you going to start a family'.

Awwwwww big hug for you

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Originally posted by scatterby:

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Originally posted by scatterby:
I am an only child and I had a wonderful childhood. I'm now pregnant with my first (after trying for 9 years/fertility treatment, etc.) and so it looks like this one will be an only one too. I think these days it's quite a common thing anyway.

You do what you feel happy with

Oh, that's wonderful news scatterby. Congratulations - when is your baby due?

Thank you Hyacinth Due on 9th October.

Ahh, so it will be a Libra baby. A wonderful star sign. Librans generally have fabulous dispositions.

I bet you can't wait for October to arrive eh?

I do hope so Hyacinth - I know a couple of very nice Librans actually now you come to mention it.

I am excited, but still can't get too excited - I think because it's taken so long, I keep worrying about everything that can go wrong.

quote:

Originally posted by fabienne:
Well said, excellent post, Pixie.

I second that.

Sounds like you're blessed with a really beautiful daughter Pixie and why shouldn't you sing her praises. You have every reason to feel proud of her and her achievements.

Well done to you and your husband for bringing up such a well grounded, loving child.

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:
Gosh thanks Pixie.

I was racking my brains (doesn;t take long ) to think of someone I knew who was an only child but I don't!

Cheers Angie

Also get sick if people saying 'only childen' are brats and badly behaved and suchlike. I have yet to see an 'only child' that has behavioural problems.

Also, they accuse parents of 'onlys' of spoiling them. Well if we do - what has it got to do with anyone anyway? And the funny thing is, the people who say this will think nowt of spending £2K on a holiday. £500 on a gym membership and £100 a month on fags and booze, but gasp with disgust when we spend £300 on our ONLY DAUGHTER at Christmas. Beggars belief.

I was an only child..I never felt alone, had a great childhood, I went on to have 2 children.. a boy and a girl. My son didn't want children, my daughter has a girl now 14, and said as soon as her daughter was born she didn't want any more.. and didn't. My granddaughter is loved has a good life (ups and downs like all teenagers). It really is individual choice, and whatever makes you as a family happy.

quote:

Originally posted by HyacinthB:

quote:

Originally posted by fabienne:
Well said, excellent post, Pixie.

I second that.

Sounds like you're blessed with a really beautiful daughter Pixie and why shouldn't you sing her praises. You have every reason to feel proud of her and her achievements.

Well done to you and your husband for bringing up such a well grounded, loving child.

Awwww shucks, I've gone all embarrassed now. I am proud of her. I don't think I have achieved a massive amount in my life and I am not brilliant at anything, but I seem to have done OK with her Although I guess her dad did have a bit of input.

quote:

Originally posted by lightfoot:
I was an only child..I never felt alone, had a great childhood, I went on to have 2 children.. a boy and a girl. My son didn't want children, my daughter has a girl now 14, and said as soon as her daughter was born she didn't want any more.. and didn't. My granddaughter is loved has a good life (ups and downs like all teenagers). It really is individual choice, and whatever makes you as a family happy.

Like I said, I don't 'get' why people assume an only child will be lonely? It's like they think 'onlys' can't and won't have friends. If anything, they often have more.

it's up to you how many kids you have. No one else's business. And I was brought up on my own and am pretty normal ( whatever that is)

quote:

I am excited, but still can't get too excited - I think because it's taken so long, I keep worrying about everything that can go wrong.

Yes, I guess I would pretty much feel the same too but you'll be fine. Only natural to feel anxious though with having waited so long.

It's going to be such a precious little baby when he or she finally makes his or her entrance into the world though.

I hope you're enjoying your pregnancy (heatwave allowing of course), and that you haven't suffered with morning sickness?

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:
I have been getting so much grief over the past few weeks from busybodies. Family , friends , people in the streets , people at playgroup , because I have decided to only have one child.

I am tired of having to justify myself to people telling them my daughter won't suffer for lack of a sibling , that I won't turn her into a brat and that she won't turn into a weirdo.

I have made this choice because I want to be able to give my daughter everything. I don't just mean in monetary terms but in time. I just don't feel that I would be able to devote as much time (and certainly not money) to her if I had another one.

I adore my baby and don't want anything to hold her back in this blooming society where kids get picked on because they don't have the right trainers.

So do you think I'm being selfish? Would she be much happier with a sibling? Will she feel an odd one out? Or am I being sensible in a world where folk pop out children wand pay for them by claiming benefits?

(Disclaimer - I am not having a go at anyone on benefits , anoyone who has more than one child and anyone who doesn't spend every waking minute with their children)

i've not even read through this thread because ............Angelica - I really like you and love the relationship you have with your little girl.

IMO (and bear in mind it's only mine) ...........kids really love having a brother or sister ..........I have three kids and it's lovely to see their relationship as adults. I really dont know much about only children .....but I think it's lonely TBH. I have a sister and she means the world to me .....................it's really your choice but ........I dont see any benefits to one child only TBH!

quote:

Originally posted by pretty~cocoa~eyes:
Society is a huge mess, if people spent more time concentrating on themselves and their families rather than busy-bodying all over the place, the world would be such a better place...

Do what is right by you hun..

Well said. LOVE your avatar by the way

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:

i've not even read through this thread because ............Angelica - I really like you and love the relationship you have with your little girl.

IMO (and bear in mind it's only mine) ...........kids really love having a brother or sister ..........I have three kids and it's lovely to see their relationship as adults. I really dont know much about only children .....but I think it's lonely TBH. I have a sister and she means the world to me .....................it's really your choice but ........I dont see any benefits to one child only TBH!

All I will say to this, is if you have a sister soozy and you have more than one child, why do you 'assume' or 'think' only children are 'lonely?' How did you draw this conclusion? I mean, how can you know?

This is a very common (and incorrect) assumption from people who don't know what being an only child is like. The kind of thing that angie is getting frustrated by

Oh well, I guess you are entitled to your views, but I just wondered why you come to the assumption that an only child is 'lonely?' Do you assume they have no friends?

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by lightfoot:
I was an only child..I never felt alone, had a great childhood, I went on to have 2 children.. a boy and a girl. My son didn't want children, my daughter has a girl now 14, and said as soon as her daughter was born she didn't want any more.. and didn't. My granddaughter is loved has a good life (ups and downs like all teenagers). It really is individual choice, and whatever makes you as a family happy.

Like I said, I don't 'get' why people assume an only child will be lonely? It's like they think 'onlys' can't and won't have friends. If anything, they often have more.

But it really isn't about friends is it? I wouldn't tell anyone what to do or how to live their life but sibling relationships are a bit special IMO. Closer than any friend can ever be.

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:

i've not even read through this thread because ............Angelica - I really like you and love the relationship you have with your little girl.

IMO (and bear in mind it's only mine) ...........kids really love having a brother or sister ..........I have three kids and it's lovely to see their relationship as adults. I really dont know much about only children .....but I think it's lonely TBH. I have a sister and she means the world to me .....................it's really your choice but ........I dont see any benefits to one child only TBH!

All I will say to this, is if you have a sister soozy and you have more than one child, why do you 'assume' or 'think' only children are 'lonely?' How did you draw this conclusion? I mean, how can you know?

This is a very common (and incorrect) assumption from people who don't know what being an only child is like. The kind of thing that angie is getting frustrated by

Oh well, I guess you are entitled to your views, but I just wondered why you come to the assumption that an only child is 'lonely?' Do you assume they have no friends?

I really dont claim to be right on this ..........there are always alternative views but .......I have a cousin who's an only child and she has just one child. Personally I feel sorry for them .........I really can't find the words to explain why.

But ............each to their own.

Oooh Angelic...you selfish cah..!!


You know am joking innit.

If anyone asks you, 'When is the next one due?'

Simply reply, 'Kiss my chuddies!'

Don`t allow family and friends to put pressure on you, Angelic. Make the decision, based on whatever you believe is best for your family.

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:
I really dont claim to be right on this ..........there are always alternative views but .......I have a cousin who's an only child and she has just one child. Personally I feel sorry for them .........I really can't find the words to explain why.

But ............each to their own.

Fair enough. I guess there may be *some* onlys who are lonely and long for brothers and sisters, but some are really happy and secure and have lots of pals (like my daughter,) and like Angie's will be

I think some people with siblings are much unhappier than my daughter and really don't get on with their siblings, but of course there are some that love them to bits. I guess it's nice to have siblings when you're older, but then again, I know more siblings that despise one another and don't even speak, than I do siblings who are good friends. It's just wrong of people to have a go at Angie for only having one child by saying she is selfish and mean and the child will be lonely. You're entitled to your views though soozy

I'm an only and I've turnt out well

quote:

Originally posted by queenshaks:
Oooh Angelic...you selfish cah..!!


You know am joking innit.

If anyone asks you, 'When is the next one due?'

Simply reply, 'Kiss my chuddies!'

I am shellfish



And thanks for your input too Soozy. It;s certainly something to think about.

quote:

Originally posted by pussycatj:
I think it is a very personal decision angel, all I will say is that my mother is an only child, and she said that her childhood was very lonely. But of course circumstances vary, it sounds as tho you and your OH really love and support your daughter. Don't worry what other people say

Both my parents were only children and they both say it was lonely.

Angelicarwen, when I had my first baby I decided she would be the only one, then in later years I changed my mind and had another, so I'd say it's YOUR business and to keep an open mind at this stage because ya never know! But definitely....DEFINITELY...don't let busybodies interfere in that decision now or in the future.

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by Soozy woo:
I really dont claim to be right on this ..........there are always alternative views but .......I have a cousin who's an only child and she has just one child. Personally I feel sorry for them .........I really can't find the words to explain why.

But ............each to their own.

Fair enough. I guess there may be *some* onlys who are lonely and long for brothers and sisters, but some are really happy and secure and have lots of pals (like my daughter,) and like Angie's will be

I think some people with siblings are much unhappier than my daughter and really don't get on with their siblings, but of course there are some that love them to bits. I guess it's nice to have siblings when you're older, but then again, I know more siblings that despise one another and don't even speak, than I do siblings who are good friends. It's just wrong of people to have a go at Angie for only having one child by saying she is selfish and mean and the child will be lonely. You're entitled to your views though soozy

I would never, ever have a go at anyone for choosing to have one child. Especially angelicawren .........she is one of my fave FM's ..........just saying that I cherish my relationship with my sister and love to watch the intereaction between my kids. As children single siblings might not be lonely .............as you get older .................it's wonderful to have someone who knows you inside out and (for the most part) is non judgemental.


NO WAY AM I HAVING A GO AT ANGELICA!

Gosh thanks Soozy

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by lightfoot:
I was an only child..I never felt alone, had a great childhood, I went on to have 2 children.. a boy and a girl. My son didn't want children, my daughter has a girl now 14, and said as soon as her daughter was born she didn't want any more.. and didn't. My granddaughter is loved has a good life (ups and downs like all teenagers). It really is individual choice, and whatever makes you as a family happy.

Like I said, I don't 'get' why people assume an only child will be lonely? It's like they think 'onlys' can't and won't have friends. If anything, they often have more.

I was often taunted at school for being an only child 'cos everyone thought I was spoilt, where as, I found the opposite to be true, my friends who were part of a large family had more presents at Christmas/ birthdays than I did, and I think it was the parents way of saying, 'sorry I didn't spend as much time with you as I should have done, but here's a pressie instead'

quote:

Originally posted by innais:

quote:

Originally posted by pussycatj:
I think it is a very personal decision angel, all I will say is that my mother is an only child, and she said that her childhood was very lonely. But of course circumstances vary, it sounds as tho you and your OH really love and support your daughter. Don't worry what other people say

Both my parents were only children and they both say it was lonely.

Angelicarwen, when I had my first baby I decided she would be the only one, then in later years I changed my mind and had another, so I'd say it's YOUR business and to keep an open mind at this stage because ya never know! But definitely....DEFINITELY...don't let busybodies interfere in that decision now or in the future.

Yes circumstances DO vary, and I think that onlys from older generations (people born pre 1960s) may have been lonelier, but mums tend to interact more with the kids now, and they go to nursery and playgroups from 3 y.o., and MY daughter went to a childminder from 3 months old for 3 days a week while I went to work, and so she played with 3 other kids there 3 days a week. AND there was 2 kids the same age as her living next door to us til 2006, and then she had pals from school coming round. So she has never been lonely

quote:

Originally posted by angelicarwen:

I am shellfish

*puts on serious head*

If you ever change your mind it's you and your husband's choice, time is a funny thing, you may feel one way one minute then suddenly change your mind the next. Do whatever feels right for the 3 of you.



My husband made me wait 5 yrs between each child...

I'm one of five, but was still fairly lonely because of the age gap between me and the brother nearest to me in age. Also, my mum was so busy with the large family, she didn't have a huge amount of time for us individually, though she was and is a great mum. However, as I've only managed one child, I have to see the advantages of that, and I've always been able to give my son lots of time. We have amazing conversations about philosophy and books we have read together. It may sound a bit twee, but it's cool really!