Well.........................

I've had conflict with a woman at work for ages, she's rude, spiteful, underhand etc etc.

I've now just cut her out, I don't speak to her unless I have to ... and then I am very polite and respectful.

She's now decided that the best way of dealing with this is to cry at every opportunity and say that she feels left out.

Silly person

did you ever have it out with her rexi or was that your decision from the start.,

 Mostly I run away, conflict really stresses me and life's too short - been there and had the IBS.  If it's important stuff I take a deep breath and get it out there .....and wish I could run away 

I't been going on for years, she's difficult with everyone. I told my boss that I would either have a full blown row or I would burst out laughing (knowing me it would be the latter).

My boss asked me not to do either, so I have chosen to ignore her (the troublemaker).

I can't help it if she now feels excluded - she did that herself

"If it's important stuff I take a deep breath and get it out there .....and wish I could run away "

yeah i think thats how i usually would react if i had to get it out there. run away is my first choice. but then dont you ever feel you should stand up for yourself and say what you really want to.

I am self diagnosed with tourettes, I have a job NOT to say what's on my mind! :/ 

If I'm having a bad day and someone annoys me, I can't hide it, and they know about it straight away!

But I also run away and avoid people if I'm feeling weak. That sometimes leads to me replaying situations in my head and wishing I'd said something though!

I might use that ... self diagnosed with tourettes, on the day when I finally decide to tell her what I think

OMG - now that is me

I don't like conflict...... and certainly don't go looking for it..... but if needs be I will stand my corner... especially in a work situation..... nobody puts Baz in de corner

I know, I have been hiding from you since you threatened me earlier!!

  Oh believe me I do ......but not anywhere near as much as I used to when I was younger.....I've learned to prioritise my battles....and tbh I think age dulls the senses gives a better perspective on whether it's worth it.

Believe it or not I really hate conflict - I smile and walk away.

Oddly enough on here I'll face up and stand my ground (I guess it's one way of getting it out of my system) In all honesty that's probably a bit cowardly - that's just being truthful and telling it like it is.

sooz - love the way you stand your ground ... long may it continue

depends what the conflict is about!!!

i don't get wound up about alot of things...but what really grates my cheese is noise at night...a few weeks ago next door had a party held in the garden...we heard them shouting,screaming,swearing from 7pm til 1.30am...just gone midnight we went round and asked them to quieten down a bit...they said it would finish soon..it carried on another hour and a half....during that last time period i heard a thud against my window...went outside but couldn't see what it was....in the morning i found food...(which is what they chucked at my window) and beer cans in my garden

i collected them up ready to go round...she came out and apologised for the noise.....i wanted to rip her head off there and then...but i managed to keep calm ..and told her in no uncertain terms i wasn't putting up with their screeching..or rubbish being chucked into my garden...and if it ever happened again i'd have no hesitation in phoning the letting agency and her landlady.....i felt i'd slightly got the upper hand by being calm about it but letting her know what was what....i also found out a few days later they'd been chucking oranges at the neighbours conservatory who lives over the back and had damaged it

she doesn't speak to me anymore!!

Thank you Rexi ......................it doesn't always make for popularity though . What the hell?

I really hate conflict, so I do this:

and then this

Like Spongey, depends what the conflict is about, but I don't go looking either. I normally walk away from situations but can feel myself glowing with anger at wanting to say something. But for the good of the peace....

I think that's me exactly 

I by nature am very impulsive and it's gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion   my mouth/typing engage at a much quicker pace than my thought patterns do and sometimes I say or type things that can seem wacky and out there but I'm harmless really 

If someone is confrontational with me in person, I will choose which battles I feel need defending and I'm like a dog with a bone if I decide to defend myself   if they're not worth defending I smile sweetly and exit quickly.  On a forum, I will usually make a decision on whether it's best to place a person on ignore rather than upset myself and possibly other posters 

yeah, thats me to a tee

what about with family members or close friends? do you put up with more or less off of them?

There really isn't much conflict in my family ...............if there is - it's loud - we all say our bit and then it's over. On Sunday night my husband and I had a huuuuuge shouty row over nothing (we'd both had too much to drink). When we got up the next morning I just started laughing and we had a cuddle - we laughed about the ridiculousness of it.

Saying that though .................(outside of my family) if someone does me wrong (and I mean big time) I am very, very unforgiving .................it's a weakness in me - but that's how I am!

Depends how serious it is and who is to blame.  If it's a silly argument I will try to quickly resolve it and move on.  No point stressing over something if it's easily sorted. 

If it's something serious affecting me or my immediate family I stress out to the point of feeling sick and then after a day or so of feeling like that I chat to my sis who for some reason is always able to build me up and make me realise I'm strong enough to deal with it and talks a bit of sense into me so I can either confront the person/people that are causing it or let it drop....whichever I feel is best.

BUT if it's other people's problems and I know if I get involved it will cause too much stress in my life I will talk to them about it but not get involved.

All too often I've jump into other peoples problem and try to help them then end up being the one who has the arguments in bars with people I shouldn't be arguing with all because I'm sticking up for other people so I'm learning to just keep my trap shut!

she sounds like a bit of a nightmare neighbour ! i think keeping calm works wonders, the whisper is louder than the shout or whatever that saying is

Family and close friends are the ones I am able to stand up to and fight my case.

With other people, I tend to avoid conflict as much as possible.

If things get bad, I can always send in Mr Yogi - he takes no prisoners.

I have to admit I am not so good at conflict with them..... in fact I will avoid it if at all possible..... and then just moan quietly to myself (or Mr Baz)

 i think keeping calm works wonders, the whisper is louder than the shout or whatever that saying is

It sometimes winds the shouter up more though, in my experience!

That is very true .............with ignorant people such as that - they cannot comprehend a calm and quiet way of dealing with things. Spongey - I think you handled that well TBH.

Mind you, I have ranted at my work friend over situations at work....she just lets me go and get on with it until it's off my chest.  She can do the same to me though, trouble is she can keep her calm more than me 

easiest way to calm an argument down is to whisper rather than shout then the other person has to focus on what you're saying and they tend to calm down themselves 

Less!  They know I treat them with respect and would always stand by them so when they do something bad on me they hear about it.  It's usually quickly enough sorted though coz I couldn't be arsed with the seething and quietly fuming part of an argument so get it all out and talk it through.

Originally Posted by Gypsie~:

 i think keeping calm works wonders, the whisper is louder than the shout or whatever that saying is

It sometimes winds the shouter up more though, in my experience!

Only if you start by saying, "Now, now...calm down..."

Originally Posted by Supercalifragilistic:

Originally Posted by Gypsie~:

 i think keeping calm works wonders, the whisper is louder than the shout or whatever that saying is

It sometimes winds the shouter up more though, in my experience!

Only if you start by saying, "Now, now...calm down..."

 No, really, I know, theoretically, that staying calm works better, and I agree, it works most of the time, but I'm thinking of several experiences where people have just wanted a good ol' shouting/ slanging match and because I haven't played the game they wanted it's annoyed them more

they were ok til the 15 yr old daughters 17 yr old b/f moved in......yep you read that right!..he honestly is a candidate for the jezza show!!!

having said that...they've been quiet since that night (hope it lasts).and it could be alot worse!!

I either shout and swear, or smile and pretend nothing's happened, or have a fag and a drink. 

Normally it goes straight over my head, but sometimes i will fume inwardly, and go and take my mind off it, have a moan lol, or just forget it alltogether 

I suppose i try a few options.